I mean, you know, she's here,

she's loud and intolerable sometimes

but I've been trying to just treat her like a friend

who's trying to protect me.

That's great.

I'm glad that you're managing in new ways

because you know,

the inner critic never goes away completely.

Ugh. I know. (laughs)

Why?

(laughs) All right, my dear, same time next week?

Yeah. See you then bye.

Time to work on my script

- Working on your shitty screenplay again I see.

- Yep. I am.

It's the first step towards a good screenplay so.

- I wouldn't show that to anyone.

- Oh, I won't.

It's just for fun and to study my craft.

- It sounds like a waste of time,

time that could be spent being productive.

- Well, if it takes 10,000 hours to get good at something

then this one hour I'm spending gets me closer to my goal

which is undeniably and objectively,

your definition of productive.

- You're being really annoying.

- Reframe, I'm persistent.

- Is this chipper attitude

because you watched Ted Lasso?

- Oh my God.

Probably.

Oh, what a good show.

I loved it.

- Oh, I bet.

You spent what?

Eight hours staring at a screen.

- Eight hours staring at a screen learning lessons

I'm integrating into my screenplay.

(Cries)

Hey.

What's wrong?

- Why are you doing this?

- Doing what?

- Don't you understand?

This is my job.

You think I like being this,

this hideous pessimist?

- Reframe, cute realist.

- Stop it.

- I have one job,

one job.

And you're taking it away from me.

- Melissa, I'm sorry.

Okay?

But you exist because at one point in the past I needed you

and I don't anymore.

- I still am a great coping mechanism.

- Look, I appreciate everything you've done for me

but the old way, it's just not working.

Okay, I'm not just surviving,

I'm thriving and I need you to adapt and change with me.

- Okay.

How?

- When I'm being creative, right?

Just, just give me some space to like be

in the flow and try new things and take risks

and if it's bad.

- Oh, it's so much worse than bad.

Your writing is terrible.

- Then, that's okay.

We can work together to make it better after.

But you know, when you show up

and you like breathe down my neck

when I'm trying to crank out a first draft,

it's not helpful.

- Okay.

I can, I can try to do that.

What else?

- Well, when I'm looking at my body in the mirror.

- Oh, you definitely gained weight.

Your arms are so muscular.

Your quads are huge.

I mean, that looks dumpy as hell on short girls,

your face is really fat too.

God, no wonder you're single.

I mean, if you don't have thigh gap

who the fuck are you?

But that's our morning routine.

- It's not my favorite way to start the day.

- What do you want me to say?

That your body is fine?

That you've been fed unrealistic beauty standards

and morphed images that have skewed what you view as healthy

and beautiful.

- Yeah.

Yeah, that would be really nice to hear in morning.

- Okay. I, I guess I can do that.

- Thank you.

I really appreciate it.

I do.

- Can I still call you stupid?

- I would like it if you did not.

- Does Becky, still get to call you fat?

- Hey, you fat bitch.

Just a reminder that your worth is in your fuck ability

and you are a hideous troll, babe.

- Actually, I have to have the same talk with Becky.

You guys have a lot of overlap

but don't tell her this,

I'm going to evict her.

I mean, body dysmorphia didn't serve me then,

doesn't serve me now, but it just,

it gave me such a sense of control, I don't know.

- Becky's leaving?

I just, I feel like everything's changing.

- Yeah. Things are changing, but change is good.

You know, being called a dumb, stupid bitch, okay

it's just not what I need to hear anymore.

It's also, it's it's a little redundant.

- Yeah, I guess it is.

What if I called you a dumb, ugly bitch instead?

- No, I'm okay.

- Are you sure?

That always used to make you work harder?

You're so motivated by worthlessness.

- I was, but I'm changing that

and I would love it if my inner critic could change with me.

(girl screams)

Oh my God.

Who is supposed to be watching my inner child?

- I think Becky was.

- Oh my God.

You left a child with Becky?

I'm going to be so damaged.

Becky.

I'm Anna Akana and thank you to the Patreons

who supported this video

and thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's episode.

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I just listened to Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

and it was very heartwarming.

You know, I think Brene has so many amazing insights

about vulnerability and courage

and how we can show up and be more authentically

and bravely ourselves.

She is my favorite shame researcher, for sure.

You can listen to Daring Greatly and more

by going to audible.com/anna or texting A-N-N-A to 500- 500.

Bye.