- So this is a video to all the ladies.

I'm looking for a girlfriend.

I just wanted to tell you, I have a six inch penis

(laughing)

it doesn't really matter though

because you're probably not high enough to get it up.

I'm bipolar and schizophrenic

and I live with my parents.

I have no job.

My sole motivation in life to get a job is to smoke weed.

If you date me and we lived together for quite some time,

By the time we're 30 or 50, or 40 or 50,

my uncles should die off,

we should get like a million dollars.

So yeah.

Anybody who thinks I'm hot, hit me out.

(upbeat music)

- What?

- Oh, it's Chris.

- Hey, welcome to the bachelor mansion.

(door squeaks)

Kinda sucks.

- Yeah?

- Nice hair.

- Yeah. You too.

- Thanks, man.

What was the response from people after they saw that video?

- Some people were just like, Oh man, you rock, you know?

And other people were like, you need to get a job.

- Did women reply to the video?

- Yeah, there is actually a, this amateur porn star.

She's like, 'Hey, you should come visit me.'

- Did you go?

- Ah, no, I actually had some money to do it

and I kinda smoked a bunch of weed.

- What would be your ideal woman?

- Okay.

She's gotta have like black hair, straight black hair,

blue to gray eyes.

Pale skin, about a C cup.

- How much does she weigh?

- Anywhere from like 110 to like 135 at the most.

- At the most.

Okay.

- I have known chicks that looked damn sexy at 135.

- But not many.

- Right.

- Is your penis six inches or is it five and three quarters?

- A little over six inches. - Over six inches?

You undersold it.

- Well-

- Give the girls a little quarter inch to take home with.

- A little surprise, a little surprise.

- That's nice, that is nice of you.

What was the disorder that you mentioned on there?

Bipolar and-

- And schizophrenia.

- Schizophrenia-

- Which is actually-

- Is it self diagnosed or are you really?

- I'm, I'm very diagnosed.

- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

What would be your perfect date?

- Go to a movie, go to dinner,

and then sit around all night and get stoned

and have great sex.

- Sign me up.

(laughing)

I've set you up on a few dates,

but before that I want my team of Hollywood stylists

to come in and give you a full makeover.

Oh my Chris, we have our work cut out for us.

(upbeat music)

That is perfect.

Great job ladies.

- Are you nervous?

- Ah, a little.

- Well, we have four dates set up for ya,

I hope you can find your girlfriend.

You ready to meet them?

- Yes.

- All right.

Let me introduce you to Meghan,

Lisa,

Katie,

Molly.

Isn't she graceful? Well I hope you have fun on your dates.

Don't get too excited.

I'm going to be there to chaperone all of them.

- A'ight.

(violin playing)

- Hey.

- Hey, how're you doing?

- How are you?

He was so creepy.

That's a nice shirt.

Where did you get it?

(violin screeching)

(laughing)

- Stack like a menu.

Wasn't really into her.

Ah, what is your cup size?

- He was very inappropriate.

- I didn't hear a word she said,

I was freaking staring at her candle the whole time.

(laughing)

- Did you guys do a background check on this guy?

(guitar strumming)

- So how was your day to day?

- Oh, it was good, thank you.

- Ask her how much money she makes.

- How much money to you make?

- That's not important, is it?

- I think she's good to go.

- When you (beep) how many (beep) do you use?

- I think I'm on the wrong show.

(laughing)

- You on Hell date.

(accordion playing)

Hell date.

- You look beautiful.

- Oh, thank you.

- She is way into me and seemed kinda desperate.

Are you a fan of anal sex?

(laughing)

(whistle blows)

- Would I go on a second date with Chris?

No.

(laughing)

- Yeah, I'm definitely attracted to him.

He totally has the look I like,

little fuzz here, tight, tight ponytail.

- Good thing about her is she didn't talk much.

(laughing)

- Dude, I think I'm dying.

For real.

You guys are meant for each other.

- Okay Chris, you had four dates.

Three of them were painfully awkward to be honest

but the world wants to know,

have you found your new girlfriend?

- Yes I have.

- Can I eliminate myself?

- Ladies, something you might be interested to know

when you're 30 or 50-

- Or 40 or 50, my uncle should die off.

We should get like a million dollars.

- He will be receiving $1 million.

- When a man has money, it definitely changes things.

- Take it away, Chris.

- I'm super attracted to him.

- Black hair, straight black hair,

blue to gray eyes, pale skin.

Molly.

You can go home.

It had been like banging my ugly sister.

This is where the decision became very tough.

But I think I'm going to go

with the one that I've seen mostly naked.

Holly.

- I think it's Lisa.

- Whatever, the blonde.

- Oh, you guys are going to have such creepy kids.

Get out of here.

Take her to Poundtown.

(clapping)

- In case you were wondering how they're doing.

I don't want to alarm anybody, but she is dead.

There are currently no suspects

but Chris is definitely a person of interest.

(upbeat music)

- This is the Armani Kiss.

(low pitch hum)

- She uses his weiner as a tiny little tuning fork.

That's the warning sign and lets their kids know daddy's

about to bury his rainbow roll into mommy's yellow tail.

(laughing)

It's how I greet my staff every morning.