IT IS ALREADY MARCH.

YEAH, BUT, ARE WE CLAPPING?

HASN'T IT ALWAYS BEEN MARCH.

>> IT'S MARCH 411th RIGHT NOW.

>> James: THAT IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE, IT YOU ARE

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, IT HAS ALL GONE QUICK AND DRAGGED BY AT THE

SAME TIME.

>> I WILL SAY, TODAY, IVAN CARMEL, MY FATHER, IT'S HIS

BIRTHDAY.

>> James: NO WAY.

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

(APPLAUSE) >> AND BECAUSE I'LL GET A TEXT

ABOUT IT, IF I DON'T MENTION IT, MARCH 3rd, MY MOTHER SUSAN

CARMEL.

>> James: SUSAN CARMEL, LOOK AT THAT.

LOOK AT THAT.

LOOK AT THAT.

WELL, THAT'S GIVING ME THE SPRING IN THE STEP THAT I

NEEDED.

I'M GOING TO GO ALL OUT FOR IVAN TODAY, TOMORROW I WILL PROBABLY

TAKE IT DOWN, TAKE A DAY OFF, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I WILL

READ IT, I WILL ASK QUESTIONS.

I WILL STOP ASKING QUESTIONS, THROW TO THE BAND AND I WILL

COME BACK HARD FOR SUE CARMEL.

ARE YOU STANDING FOR THE WHOLE SHOW, REG, BECAUSE IT'S IVAN

BIRTHDAY.

>> YEAH, I'VE BEEN INSTRUCTED.

>> James: YOU'VE BEEN-- SORRY?

>> Reggie: I'VE BEEN INSTRUCTED.

>> James: OKAY, BY WHO?

>> Reggie: IVAN.

>> James: IVAN SAID HE WANTS YOU TO STAND FOR THE WHOLE SHOW.

>> YEAH, HE HAS THIS DUMB JOKE HE ALWAYS DOES, IVANNED YOU TO

STAND THE WHOLE SHOW, I'M LIKE HA HA HA.

>> James: OKAY, FINE.

>> James: THERE YOU GO, EARLIER TODAY PRESIDENT BIDEN

HAD ANOTHER VIRTUAL MEETING WITH THE HEAD OF STATE, THIS TIME IT

WAS MEXICO'S PRESIDENT ANDRES MANUEL LOPEZ OBRADOR AND YOU

JUST KNOW BIDEN USED THE OPPORTUNITY TO THROW AROUND THE

WORD COMPADRE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

HEY, COMPADRE, I BET JOE BIDEN OPENED WITH, CAN WE TALK ABOUT

THAT WALL YOU GUYS ARE PAYING FOR.

AND THEN THEY JUST LAUGH AND THEY LAUGH.

(LAUGHTER) BUT THE TWO LEADERS DID DISCUSS

BORDER ISSUES.

MEXICO'S PRESIDENT APOLOGIZED FOR THE AMOUNT OF DRUGS COMING

ACROSS THE BORDER AND JOE BIDEN APOLOGIZED FOR THE AMOUNT OF TED

CRUZ COMING ACROSS THE BORDER.

IN OTHER NEWS DONALD TRUMP GAVE THE KEYNOTE ADDRESS FOR THE

CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL ACTION CONFERENCE YESTERDAY AND HE

STARTED HIS SPEECH LIKE THIS.

>> WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, AND HELLO CPAC.

DO YOU MISS ME YET?

DO YOU MISS ME?

>> James: AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY [BLEEP]

NO.

(APPLAUSE) MISS YOU?

YOU'VE BEEN GONE A MONTH.

THERE HASN'T EVEN BEEN ENOUGH TIME FOR MIKE PENCE'S HAIR TO

RETURN TO HIS NATURAL PRECAMPAIGN LENGTH.

TRUMP SAID DID YOU MISS ME, WHICH IS LITERALLY WHAT EVERY

MOVIE VILAN-- VILLAIN SAYS WHEN THEY COME BACK.

>> DID YOU MISS ME?

>> DID YOU MISS ME?

>> DID YOU MISS ME?

>> DID YOU MISS ME?

DID YOU MICE ME, DID YOU MISS ME, DID YOU MISS ME.

>> DID YOU MISS ME?

>>-- MISS YOU.

>> James: LATER IN THE SPEECH TRUMP SPECIESED A 2024

PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN BY SAYING THIS.

>> WHO KNOWS, WHO KNOWS, I MAY EVEN DECIDE TO BEAT THEM FOR A

THIRD TIME, OKAY.

>> James: SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE TWO TIME POPULAR VOTE LOSER.

IF YOU MISSED IT, THAT WAS AN ELEGANT COMBINATION OF A THREAT

AND A LIE, I LIKE TO CALL IT A THIGH.

BUT HE'S DONE T TRUMP, JOE BIDEN HAS BEEN BARELY A MONTH AND I'M

ALREADY DREADING THE NEXT ELECTION CYCLE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT

I MEAN, AND HERE IS BIG INTERNATIONAL NEW FORMER FRENCH

PRESIDENT NICOLAS SARKOZY WAS SENTENCED TO JAIL TODAY ENCORE

RUPTION CHARGES RELATED TO CAMPAIGN FINANCES.

ITS JUDGE TOLD SARKOZY HIS BIGGEST MISTAKE WAS NOT

COMMITTING THESE CRIMES IN AMERICA.

IT SOUNDS HARSH, A YEAR IN PRISON BUT YOU'VE GOT TO

REMEMBER FRENCH PRISON IS DONE ENTIRELY WITH MIMES.

(LAUGHTER) I WONDER WHAT FRENCH PRISON IS

LIKE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK FRENCH PRISON IS LIKE.

>> I BET IT IS LIKE PADDINGTON 2 LEVEL PRISON.

>> James: PADDINGTON 2 LEVEL PRISON.

>> YEAH.

>> James: I BET ST A LOT OF CHEESE, DON'T YOU THINK, REG.

>> Reggie: YEAH, I BIT BUT LIKE THE LOWEST QUALITY CHEESE

WHICH IS STILL LIKE HIGHER THAN MOST OTHER CHEESE.

>> James: LOW QUALITY FRENCH CHEESE WHICH HERE IN AMERICA YOU

CAN ONLY GET IN WHOLE FOODS FOR $500.

I CAN DO FRENCH.

NO!

ABSOLUTEMENT, NO.

>> I FOUND WITH THE FRENCH YOU JUST HAVE TO DEBATE YOURSELF IN

FRONT OF THEM IMMEDIATELY AND THEN THEY'RE NICE TO YOU.

WHEN I WENT TO FRANCE, I WAS LIKE I'M SO SORRY, I'M A STUPID

AMERICAN, I DON'T SPEAK FRENCH, I'M AN IDIOT, I'M THE WORST.

AND THER THEY'RE LIKE COME ON, HE'S ALL RIGHT.

>> James: MEXICAN RESTAURANT, WAS IT?

>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

>> James: ITALIAN RESTAURANT.

ARE YOU SURE ARE YOU IN FRANCE?

BECAUSE THEY'RE LIKE HEY-- IS THIS SHOW ON IN FRANCE?

WOU, DDOUI, THEY WILL LOVE THIS, RIGHT, THEY LOVE THIS.

>> THEY LOVE IMPRESSIONS OF THEMSELVES.

>> Reggie: IT IS THE BEST THING COULD YOU DO.

>> James: YEAH, I BET-- YOU CAN SPEAK FRENCH?

>> Reggie: BARELY.

>> James.

>> WE PARTICLE UNPE-W-- (SPEAKING FRENCH).

>> James: NONWZ WOUI.

>> James: NON.

>> Reggie: OUI.

>> James: NO, SO WE TAKE THE SHOW TO FRANCE?

>> YEAH.

>> WE DID ONCE.

>> James: SHOULD WE TAKE THE SHOW TO FRANCE.

>> WE DID LES MISS THERE, WE SHOULD GO AGAIN.

>> James: YOU KNOW WHERE WE SHOULD TAKE THE SHOW, AUSTRALIA.

>> YES, 100 PERCENT.

>> James: THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY BUZZING OUT THERE.

>> WE SHOULD DO IT.

>> James: SHOULDN'T WE?

>> Reggie: YES.

>> WE'LL GET DOWN THERE, THEY WILL BE LIKE WELCOME TO

AUSTRALIA.

>> HEY, GOODA DAYA.

>>-- SYDNEY OPERAHOUSE.

>> James: WE WERE GOING TO TAKE THE SHOW TO AUSTRALIA.

IT IS HAPPENING.

>> Reggie: WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT?

[BLEEP] >> James: WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT

DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED, REG.

WHAT, WHAT, WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED IN THE LAST 12 MONTH TO

PREVENTED US DOING, TAKING A WHOLE AIRPLANE OF PEOPLE TO

AUSTRALIA TO DO A SHOW IN A PACKED SYDNEY OPERAHOUSE.

WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED?

>> Reggie: HEY, MAN, YOU KNOW, IF YOU CAN FILM A THOR MOVIE

THERE, YOU CAN FILL THM SHOW THERE, THAT SAUL CAN I SAY.

>> James: I DON'T DOWNT THAT BUT BY THE TIME WE HAVE DONE THE

MANDATORY QUARANTINE WE WILL HAVE ALL BEEN FIRED.

THE NETWORK WILL BE LIKE-- ALTHOUGH THAT WOULD BE

FUN.

DOING THE SHOW FROM A HOTEL ROOM IN QUARANTINE?

>> IT WOULD BE FUN FOR LIKE AN HOUR.

>> James: THAT IS HOW LONG THE SHOW IS SO.

>> ARE YOU SAYING THAT WE HAVE A FUN HOUR EVERY NIGHT?

I THINK THE AUDIENCE AT HOME WOULD DISAGREE.

I THINK IF YOU PIECED UP THE BEST BITS OF THE WEEK WE SCRAPED

48 MINUTES OF FUN.

AND THE REST-- THE REST IS JUST LIKE, THE BEST WE'VE GOT IS AVO

TALKING ABOUT-- THAT IS THE REST OF IT T IS NOT-- TALKING ABOUT

HOW MUCH SIZZLE HE'S GOT ON BIT COIN.

WHERE WE AT, AVO, BANKRUPT YET ON THE BITCOIN.

>> WE HAVE A SECOND BULL RUN COMING THIS SPRING.

>> James: I MEAN THAT MADE AS MUCH SENSE TO ME AS EVERYTHING

REG SAID IN FRENCH.

WHAT IS THE SECRETARY BULL RUN.

>> A LITTLE DIP RIGHT NOW.

>> SO YOU'RE WAITING FOR THE PAM PLOAMA.

>> YES.

>> James: LITERALLY NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT IS THE PAM

PLOANA.

>> RUNNING OF THE BULLS.

>> James: GOT IT.

>> A FEW PAN PLOAMA GOING ON.

>> James: IGNORE ME, I HAVE A CASE OF THE OLD PAM PLOMA.

>> HIS FRENCH ACCENT IS SO GOOD AND I CAN'T DO IT.

>> James: YOU CAN DO AN ENGLISH ACCENT, CAN'T SNU.

>> OH YEAH.

>> James: WOW.

GO ON.

>> YEAH, YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, YEAH, CAN I DO T IT'S A BIT OF

AN ENGLISH ACCENT.

>> James: IT IS AN ENGLISHMAN WHO JUST INHALED A HELIUM BA

LOON.

>> YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT,.

>> James: ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

>> I'M ALL RIGHT.

YOU ARE ALL RIGHT?

>> IS EVERYBODY ALL RIGHT?

CUP OF TEA.

>> YOU WANT A CUP OF TEA.

>> CUP OF TEA.

CUPPA TEA.

>> NON,.

>> James: WELL THAT WAS FUN.

>> Reggie: AMAZING HEADLINES.

>> James: MOVING ON, RESTAURANTS IN NEW YORK CITY ARE

OPEN WITH LIMITED CAPACITY.

SO ONE STEAK HOUSE TEAMED UP WITH MADAME TUSSAUD'S TOO HAVE

CELEBRITY WAX FIGURES FILL UP THE RESTAURANT.

HERE THEY ARE HERE.

LACK AT THAT.

SO NOW IT LOOKS LIKE THE PLACE IS FULL BUT EVERYONE IS JUST

REALLY, REALLY BORED.

IT IS A VERY REAL OF WAX CELEBRITIES, HERE IS HOW

REALISTIC IT IS, MY MAX FIGURE WASN'T INVITED.

REG?

YOU GOT TO HAVE DINNER WARKSZ WHO WOULD.

>> Reggie: BARBARA STREISAND, ALWAYS FOR ONE.

PROBABLY ONE OF THE EGYPTIAN PHARAOHS.

THE LAST ONE, IT'S ALWAYS TOUGH.

I WOULD SAY PROBABLY AGE ANGELA BAS ET.

>> James: THAT'S A GOOD SHOUT, GREAT SHOUT.

I GOT AN EMAIL SAYING THEY WANTED TO DO ONE OF ME, A WAX

WORK.

>> Reggie: ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT.

>> James: I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF WANTING ONE THEY SAY

WE TAKE EXACT MEASUREMENTS.

>> I WAS LIKE OKAY, LET'S WAIT A MINUTE, STILL HOLDING ON TO A

BIT OF QUARANTINE WAIT OUTSIDE OF THE OLD W-W PROGRAM AT THAT

TIME.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO OVERSPEND ON WAX.

>> CAN YOU HAVE THEM MAKE AN EXTRA ONE TO BRING HOME AND DO

WHATEVER WITH?

>> James: I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW IF I AM COMFORTABLE TALKING

LIKE THIS, IAN.

HERE IS AN EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT, THE WORLD'S FIRST

SPACE HOTEL WILL BEGIN CONSTRUCTION IN 2025.

IT WILL FEATURE RESTAURANTS, CINEMAS AND ROOMS TO ACCOMMODATE

UP TO 400 GUESTS.

HERE'S WHAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE, LOOK AT THAT.

IT IS SCHEDULED TO BEGIN CONSTRUCTION IN 2025 AND GO

BANKRUPT ONE MONTH LATER.

THE SPACE HOTEL WILL FEATURE RESTAURANTS, ENTERTAINMENT AND

THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING BIT.

IF YOU OPEN A WINDOW YOU DIE.

AND EVERYBODY SEE THIS, A PLASTIC SURGEON IN CALIFORNIA IS

BEING INVESTIGATED AFTER HE ATTENDED A VIRTUAL TRAFFIC COURT

HEARING WHILE THIS IS TRUE, OPERATING ON A PATIENT.

THIS STD ACTUAL COURT HEARING.

HAVE A LOOK.

>> UNLESS I'M MISTAKEN I'M SEEING A DEFENDANT THAT IS IN

THE MIDDLE OF AN OPERATING ROOM APPEARING TO BE ACTIVELY ENGAGED

IN PROVIDING SERVICES TO A PATIENT.

IS THAT CORRECT, MR. GREEN?

> YES, SIR.

>> James: THE JUDGE WAS LIKE ARE YOU IN SURGERY.

AND THE DOCTOR IS LIKE YES, SIR, DO YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING

GROSS?

IMAGINE WAKING UP FROM SURGERY AND THE DOCTOR IS LIKE

EVERYTHING WENT GREAT AND ARE YOU LIKE OH MY GOD, CAN I GET

BACK TOY A NORMAL LIFE, OH, NO, NO, NOT YOU, I JUST GOT THE

POINTS OFF MY LICENSE.

THE DOCTOR SAID HE COULD HANDLE BOTH THE COURT HEARING AND

PERFORMING PLASTIC SURGERY AND I'M NOT SURE.

HERE'S THE PATIENT, YOU BE THE JUDGE