100 YEARS OLD.

( big band music playing )

FOLKS, AS YOU ALL KNOW,

THIS IS THE OLDEST TIME CAPSULE IN THE COUNTRY,

BURIED HERE IN 1909 BY OUR GREAT-GRANDFATHERS

WHO FOUNDED OUR BELOVED TOWN.

NOT ONLY IS THIS AN INSIGHT

INTO THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY,

BUT ALSO INTO THE VERY FABRIC OF WHO WE ARE AS A PEOPLE.

( grunts )

LOOK!

A JART WAS IN HERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS,

BUT IT MUST HAVE DISAPPEARED OR WITHERED AWAY.

- ( sniffs ) - OH! DEAR LORD.

THAT SMELLS AWFUL.

CHRIST ALMIGHTY.

OH OH OH. THIS IS COOL.

THIS MUST HAVE BEEN USED IN THE, UH--

IN THE COAL MINES.

THEY WOULD SOMEHOW HAVE IT STAY ON THEIR HEAD

AND THEN WITH THEIR FOREHEADS CHIP AWAY AT THE ROCK.

( chuckling )

AH... SOME LITERATURE.

"ME AND MRS. GANDY PREPARED FOR THE CAPSULE."

HEY, THAT'S MY GREAT-GRANDMOTHER.

( man laughs )

YES.

"AS WE LOOKED AT THE CHEST BEFORE US,

I GAZED AT HER CHEST BEFORE ME.

AND AS WE LAID THE CHEST INTO THE SOIL,

I WILL SOON MAKE MY SOIL ON HER CHEST."

AH, HE SPREAD THE SOIL OF OUR LAND ON HIS LADY,

MAKING EARTH AND WOMEN ONE.

I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT TO SAY.

YES, WELL...

"MY LADY AND I THEN HAND IN HAND

SPREAD THE DOWNSTAIRS MIST FROM THE DEVIL'S CAVE

INTO THE GLASS RECEPTACLE,

THE EVIL WIND LEAVING OUR TIGHT BALLOON KNOTS

AND INTO THE FUTURE."

( sniffles )

SUCH PROFOUND WORDS FROM OUR YOUNG LOVERS.