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  • Teddy.

  • Teddy, I'm scared.

  • Baby, we're gonna be fine.

  • I don't care what any fucking piece of paper says. You're my wife.

  • I love you so much.

  • And I swear to God, if we lose,

  • I'm gonna fucking cut that judge.

  • Wait a minute. You brought your switchblade?

  • Yeah.

  • But they patted us down on the way in here. Where'd you even hide it?

  • Oh!

  • Hey, Sam.

  • Who's that buttnut over there?

  • That is why we've been working so hard. That's Shep Wild.

  • It's our bad luck they put him on the trial.

  • He's never lost a case in his life.

  • Ms. McCafferty, you and Ted recently considered adopting a child.

  • Is that correct?

  • Yeah.

  • And if I may inquire,

  • why did you not choose to have a child of your own?

  • Because Teddy ain't got no dick.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • Uh-huh.

  • And, uh, why does Ted not possess a, uh, male appendage?

  • Is it a freak of genetics?

  • No, asshole, he ain't got a dick because he's a fucking toy!

  • What's your excuse?

  • Whoa-ho! Take a burn!

  • Yeah! How's your tongue taste in your own ass, Poindexter?

  • Yeah! How'd you... What?

  • (GAVEL BANGS) Order!

  • Mr. Bennett,

  • how would you categorize your relationship with Ted?

  • He's my best friend.

  • So you don't see him as your property.

  • No, he's not my property. He's a person.

  • He's way more of a person than lots of other people.

  • I mean, fucking Steven Tyler?

  • What the fuck is that? Some kind of

  • weird soccer-mom-looking Goonie monster?

  • Your Honor? — I'll allow it.

  • Thank you, Your Honor.

  • Your witness.

  • Mr. Bennett,

  • when and where did you first encounter Ted?

  • Oh, what do you mean? My parents got him for me when I was a kid.

  • A-ha. They "got him."

  • Where did they get him?

  • Child World toy store.

  • I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that. Could you repeat that, please?

  • Child World toy store. You fucking heard me.

  • There's no need for hostility, Mr. Bennett.

  • Why? Nobody here likes you!

  • I saw you eating lunch alone! You're a loser!

  • Your Honor? — Mr. Bennett.

  • I hope your kids get bird flu!

  • Mr. Bennett!

  • I'm sorry.

  • Now, you said your parents purchased Ted,

  • as one might purchase a baseball glove or a Big Wheel.

  • No, it's not like that!

  • Objection!

  • You can't do that!

  • You know what? This is bullshit!

  • This court is trying to tell me

  • that I'm not as good as other people,

  • and this is exactly what you've been doing to the fags!

  • Ted!

  • Sorry, sorry. The homos, the homos.

  • This is exactly what you've been doing

  • to the homos, and I say it's wrong!

  • Ms. Jackson, please control your client

  • or I'll hold both of you in contempt of court!

  • Oh, piss off!

  • I'm standing up for me and I'm standing up for the homos!

  • We deserve respect!

  • Ted, shut up!

  • Fine.

  • (The Angry Birds VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS.)

Teddy.

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B1 US bennett fucking teddy toy child honor

Ted 2 (2015) — Ted angry outbursts in court (Scene 9/12) Movie Clip

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    Miho Ishii posted on 2021/02/23
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