for another edition of Big Dick History.

How is this doing by the way, this Big Dick History?

We stumbled upon it the way one stumbles upon

a large penis in life.

And then suddenly you guys are telling me

we have to do it more

and we have to do it again, which leads me to believe

that there's been some kind of response out there.

It's taking over the world.

Oh.

Yeah. Big Dick History, well, it's big.

It's making history and it's a big dick.

I don't

I will tell you, I'll tell you this.

It combines things that people are fascinated by.

It's history with those history podcasts do very well.

And then penises.

It's the only history I'll listen to.

I'm going to be honest with you.

I mean, I know you are really into like dates and details

but I'm just like how big was the dick that was involved?

Yeah.

Okay.

Sorry.

Well if this is something that America wants

then it's our job to give it to them.

That's right.

So

You're welcome.

I mean, this can't bite us in the ass.

The bigger the Dick, the bigger the fall, but who cares?

We're going to do something today called Big Dick History,

the quiz. Are you ready?

Yup.

Okay. Just buzzing by yelling your name.

If you know the answer.

Okay.

Number one, what historical figures, swaying

and weighing was described by a Time Magazine journalist

in 1927, as a quote "maltreated strip of buckskin shoelace?"

Wait a minute. Can I hear the question?

(laughing)

What

What historical figures,

swaying and weighing, was described by

a Time Magazine journalist

in 1927 as a maltreated strip of buckskin shoelace?

Oh my god.

Is it, Rasputin? Napoleon?

Prince Albert? Or Vladimir Lenin?

Oh, it would be.

I'm going to say Sona.

Yes Sona.

Lennon.

Incorrect.

I'm going to say Napoleon.

Napoleon is correct.

God damn it.

All right, one point

They actually claim to have Napoleon's penis.

That's right.

The others would not be available for inspection

whereas I think Napoleon's would be.

My understanding is it's actually at like a book sellers.

Keep in mind, a lot of this research is rumor based,

but for our purposes, who cares?

You know, it's not only owned, Napoleon's penis

by a book seller, did you know this?

It's used as a bookmark.

It's a shoelace.

Yeah, that explains a lot.

Yeah. When this guy is reading "Fifty Shades of Grey"

and he gets to a,

he's tired and he wants to just turn in for the night,

he puts Napoleon's penis into the book and shuts it.

After he uses it to floss his teeth. Okay next question.

(indistinct)

How can you go too far on Big Dick History?

You know what you can and you just did.

Yeah you did.

It's an achievement.

Using a dick as floss.

I think that's where we draw the line for Big Dick History.

Well we had to find it.

Number two, actor Gary Cooper was nicknamed

the Pennsylvania pipeline, New York pork,

old faithful, or the Montana mule?

Pennsylvania pipeline.

That's incorrect.

No, it's correct.

No, don't start this again, this is Big Dick History.

You have to lose graciously.

Just try to lose graciously some way.

Wait, what was the question again?

I thought we were asking what's the best way to get oil

to Pennsylvania to Philadelphia?

No.

Was that the question?

It's the Pennsylvania pipeline.

It's not.

Oh yeah, the Montana mule yeah.

Sona. What's your answer?

Go with go with Montana mule and you'll win.

I don't, I don't want to,

Go ahead.

Cause if I do, then I know that you

No go ahead it's Montana mule.

No, I'm going to go with old faithful actually.

It's Montana mule.

So nobody gets the point there

Yeah but you know what?

I get a point for telling Sona what

No you don't.

No because I knew it was correct, and then I told Sona.

She refused to take it out of foolish pride,

and she went down in flames.

If you knew it,

why did you say the Pennsylvania one first?

Because I had a funny joke

about how to get to oil, to to Philadelphia.

That doesn't make any sense.

You just had you got it wrong.

And then you've just a second time.

So your chances

of getting it right the second time were better.

Nope. I always win. Go ahead.

You did definitely didn't win, that was wrong.

So Conan was wrong on that one, Gourley?

Okay.

Conan O'Brien's always right

was the original name of this podcast.

You're giving Big Dick History a double meaning

on this podcast.

Okay. Number three.

Edit that out.

Athlete, Wilt Chamberlain's

big guy was nicknamed: the stilt, big dipper, drill bit

or the bazooka?

Sona.

Sona.

I don't like, can I say something,

shouting out your name.

You're winning and you're still somehow a sore loser.

This is incredible.

I'm going to guess the stilt.

That's not correct, sorry.

Come on, all I have to do is guess.

Conan the remaining choices are big dipper, drill bit,

or the bazooka.

We all know it's the drill bit.

Sorry. It's the big dipper.

Yeah. I know.

You got it wrong Conan, I'm not sure if you knew that.

Here's the thing.

I know the answers to all of these

but by appearing not to know them

I don't come across as someone who's obsessed with penises.

I should have known, never to do a quiz.

All right.

Okay. Number four.

Most infuriating person to do this with,

there's no one worse.

Conan! Oh I thought that was the next question.

Number four, Juan Baptista Dosantos

was known for A, a forked schlong,

B, one main schlong

with a tiny little schlong coming out of it,

kind of like how a Xenomorph

in the movie "Alien" has one of those little things.

C, two separate working sclongs

or D, the biggest schlong ever on record.

I'm going to Sona.

Yeah.

I'm going to say a double schlong.

The two separate working schlongs?

Yes.

Or the one main schlong.

Two separate working schlongs.

That's correct.

Conan I got it right, I just wanted you to hear.

Did everyone notice that she has a hard g

and she went schlong

Oh this again.

That's what you're gonna

Schlonga, schlonga, that threw me off. Schlonga.

And then I'm like I don't even wanna play

when I hear schlonga.

Okay you wanna be petty like that?

That's fine, that's okay.

We're all tied up

Right, and you got it wrong.

We're what, what are, what are Gourley?

We're all tied up, three questions left.

We had a very popular, stunningly popular podcast

until we took on this.

This horrible turn down this awful road.

All right, go ahead.

Number five, though evidence is scant,

Adolf Hitler is rumored to have had which two

genital abnormalities.

Okay. So you have to name both.

And if one person gets only one

and the other person gets none, they'll win.

Okay. One, undescended testicle, two, missing testicle

three, penile hypospadias, which is the urethra opens

on the underside of the penis or four, micropenis.

Okay. I have the answer to this

and I pick two or pick one?

You pick two.

Well, first of all

one ball is one, one testicle

Missing testicle.

Missing testicle is, is I mean soldiers sang songs

about it during World War II, probably propaganda.

And then the other would be the micropenis.

You got one right, you got the missing testicle.

Micropenis is incorrect.

Well I'm

I think its the ure

I'm sorry, you, you guessed already, and

you got it, you got one right.

Well, I'm saying micro micro penis is a relative term.

I think compared to mine, it would be a micro penis.

I'm going to guess it's the urethra one,

where the urethra is underneath.

That's correct, so you each get a point here.

Okay.

It's all tied still. This is exciting.

Tied Conan. It's tied.

The Big Dick History quiz and we're tied, so.

Number six. Which classic rock star had his big

old yam cast in plaster.

I got it.

Okay.

Jimi Hendrix.

That's correct, nice.

Oh wow. How do you know that?

Cause I own it.

I, I use it as a, it's a Popsicle mold and yeah.

I mean, no one knows.

I just distribute them through the neighborhood.

No one knows what they're really sucking on

except that it's delicious and cherry.

What an awful, awful road we've gone down.

Yeah, okay. Final questions so Sona

you can tie it up here or Conan

you can take the victory.

I want this. I want this so bad.

Number seven. Errol Flynn once used his John Thomas

to do what: swat a fly, play piano,

open a door, or hail a cab?

Me.

Sona.

I know this one actually.

Play the piano.

That's correct.

Oh, was that what you were gonna say?

Yep.

No, you know what, now you can lie.

No that's a famous, that's a well-known story.

Yeah. He played a, a rag, a Baltimore rag.

He played with his left hand

and his penis and apparently he did three shows a night.

Oh.

True story, true story. He was a session,

he was a session musician, he's appears

on a lot of a classic Bing Crosby songs.

And it just, but he's uncredited.

You can just hear in the background, the piano