Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles It's time to go back in time for another edition of Big Dick History. How is this doing by the way, this Big Dick History? We stumbled upon it the way one stumbles upon a large penis in life. And then suddenly you guys are telling me we have to do it more and we have to do it again, which leads me to believe that there's been some kind of response out there. It's taking over the world. Oh. Yeah. Big Dick History, well, it's big. It's making history and it's a big dick. I don't I will tell you, I'll tell you this. It combines things that people are fascinated by. It's history with those history podcasts do very well. And then penises. It's the only history I'll listen to. I'm going to be honest with you. I mean, I know you are really into like dates and details but I'm just like how big was the dick that was involved? Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Well if this is something that America wants then it's our job to give it to them. That's right. So You're welcome. I mean, this can't bite us in the ass. The bigger the Dick, the bigger the fall, but who cares? We're going to do something today called Big Dick History, the quiz. Are you ready? Yup. Okay. Just buzzing by yelling your name. If you know the answer. Okay. Number one, what historical figures, swaying and weighing was described by a Time Magazine journalist in 1927, as a quote "maltreated strip of buckskin shoelace?" Wait a minute. Can I hear the question? (laughing) What What historical figures, swaying and weighing, was described by a Time Magazine journalist in 1927 as a maltreated strip of buckskin shoelace? Oh my god. Is it, Rasputin? Napoleon? Prince Albert? Or Vladimir Lenin? Oh, it would be. I'm going to say Sona. Yes Sona. Lennon. Incorrect. I'm going to say Napoleon. Napoleon is correct. God damn it. All right, one point They actually claim to have Napoleon's penis. That's right. The others would not be available for inspection whereas I think Napoleon's would be. My understanding is it's actually at like a book sellers. Keep in mind, a lot of this research is rumor based, but for our purposes, who cares? You know, it's not only owned, Napoleon's penis by a book seller, did you know this? It's used as a bookmark. It's a shoelace. Yeah, that explains a lot. Yeah. When this guy is reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" and he gets to a, he's tired and he wants to just turn in for the night, he puts Napoleon's penis into the book and shuts it. After he uses it to floss his teeth. Okay next question. (indistinct) How can you go too far on Big Dick History? You know what you can and you just did. Yeah you did. It's an achievement. Using a dick as floss. I think that's where we draw the line for Big Dick History. Well we had to find it. Number two, actor Gary Cooper was nicknamed the Pennsylvania pipeline, New York pork, old faithful, or the Montana mule? Pennsylvania pipeline. That's incorrect. No, it's correct. No, don't start this again, this is Big Dick History. You have to lose graciously. Just try to lose graciously some way. Wait, what was the question again? I thought we were asking what's the best way to get oil to Pennsylvania to Philadelphia? No. Was that the question? It's the Pennsylvania pipeline. It's not. Oh yeah, the Montana mule yeah. Sona. What's your answer? Go with go with Montana mule and you'll win. I don't, I don't want to, Go ahead. Cause if I do, then I know that you No go ahead it's Montana mule. No, I'm going to go with old faithful actually. It's Montana mule. So nobody gets the point there Yeah but you know what? I get a point for telling Sona what No you don't. No because I knew it was correct, and then I told Sona. She refused to take it out of foolish pride, and she went down in flames. If you knew it, why did you say the Pennsylvania one first? Because I had a funny joke about how to get to oil, to to Philadelphia. That doesn't make any sense. You just had you got it wrong. And then you've just a second time. So your chances of getting it right the second time were better. Nope. I always win. Go ahead. You did definitely didn't win, that was wrong. So Conan was wrong on that one, Gourley? Okay. Conan O'Brien's always right was the original name of this podcast. You're giving Big Dick History a double meaning on this podcast. Okay. Number three. Edit that out. Athlete, Wilt Chamberlain's big guy was nicknamed: the stilt, big dipper, drill bit or the bazooka? Sona. Sona. I don't like, can I say something, shouting out your name. You're winning and you're still somehow a sore loser. This is incredible. I'm going to guess the stilt. That's not correct, sorry. Come on, all I have to do is guess. Conan the remaining choices are big dipper, drill bit, or the bazooka. We all know it's the drill bit. Sorry. It's the big dipper. Yeah. I know. You got it wrong Conan, I'm not sure if you knew that. Here's the thing. I know the answers to all of these but by appearing not to know them I don't come across as someone who's obsessed with penises. I should have known, never to do a quiz. All right. Okay. Number four. Most infuriating person to do this with, there's no one worse. Conan! Oh I thought that was the next question. Number four, Juan Baptista Dosantos was known for A, a forked schlong, B, one main schlong with a tiny little schlong coming out of it, kind of like how a Xenomorph in the movie "Alien" has one of those little things. C, two separate working sclongs or D, the biggest schlong ever on record. I'm going to Sona. Yeah. I'm going to say a double schlong. The two separate working schlongs? Yes. Or the one main schlong. Two separate working schlongs.