- Thanks for writing this email, son.

I'd call, but I'm saving my voice for Sunday at 3:00 P.M.

Me and the disgruntled senior citizen quad

are singing "Paper Cut" by Lincoln Park.

- Don't care.

(exhales static) Attention all geezers,

if you could please follow the skeet socks

to the nearest exit.

- I owe you a solid, son

and a solid from Fletcher Bastille Murphy never expires.

You have your whole goddamn life to collect.

- Hey mother (beeps)

- Fletch, I'm gonna call in a solid right now,

please keep my dad outta here for the next 30 minutes.

- Sir, yes sir!

(bugle music) (door thumps)

(body thumps)

- Regina, so nice of you to stop by.

- Oh cut the (beeps) son.

Were you really just going to ignore me

after we got into a fight last week?

- I ruined our date.

You hate me. (crying)

- (groaning) I don't hate you.

Just because our relationship is over

doesn't mean our friendship needs to be.

What I hate is you not coming to me to patch things up,

but when Mama G cares about something that's broken,

Mama G fixes it.

- God, you're so confident

and sexy.

- We're fixing this friendship, all right?

Exactly the way our favorite characters

from Teenage Ghost Warrior fixed theirs

in episode 48, season 12.

- You're gonna scoop my eyes out

and fill them with the Devil's honey?

(evil laughing) - Oh, mm, my bad.

Episode 38, season 12.

We're gonna lock that door and eat this sugary root

which is going to open us up big time.

Then we're gonna talk it out

until things aren't awkward anymore.

Ya in?

- No leaving this room until we save our friendship.

(exhales) Bottom's up.

(upbeat music) - Son?

- [Son] Not now, dad

- Hey son. - Get out!

- [Dad] I love you, son!

(grunting) (upbeat music)

(laughing)

♪ Gotta bug son every few minutes ♪

♪ 'Cause if I don't ♪

(slow suspenseful music)

- I'll go crazy.

- 1981, you and I trucking poison bananas

across the Kapapa Islands.

We stop at a gas station

(door bell rings) and I buy you a Slurpee

because you left your wallet in the car.

Do you remember that Blark?

- I remember as if it were years ago.

$0.89, XXL, small, Bahama Mama Blast.

- And you remember what you told me

after I purchased it for ya?

- That I owed you a solid?

- Shake my hand.

- Oh (beeps) homey.

(dramatic music)

- Now that you're locked in bahana,

son's in there patching things up with Regina

after their date night blowup.

(beeps) going down!

Your boy called in a solid from me

asking to keep you outta there for 30 minutes.

Now I'm calling a solid from you.

No going in there, Blark, 'til 6:42, starting now.

(Spanish guitar music)

- I'll never forgive this.

(Spanish guitar music)

- I have liked you for like a really long time,

but you were with Zeke and then when you guys broke up,

I was so happy that we finally became a thing.

- Oh man totally, me too.

- Exactly, wow,

this root is like flying through my system right now.

- Yeah dude, I'm feeling it real hard. (laughs)

- So anyway, that's why that day died,

I was just trying to impress you and I thought,

(dramatic music)

oh.

- You good, dude?

(gurgling) - Regina,

I need you to leave.

- What?

(heart beating) What's happening?

Why are you whispering?

(gurgling)

Why am I whispering?

(hesitant grumbling)

- The root.

Listen, if I move or talk too loud,

I am 100% going to poop in my pants.

(upbeat music)

(clock ticking) (soft slow music)

- You have a queen?

- Must

see

son.

- You all right?

- I'm dandy.

I just need

water.

(clock ticking) (suspenseful music)

Call it off, Fletch, call off the solid

or I'll blow my (beeps) brains out!

My blood will be on your hands (beeps)

Call it off!

(stopwatch ticking) - It's been nine minutes.

(screaming) (gun blasting)

(grunting)

(pots clattering)

(labored breathing)

Are ya finished?

(sighs) (gun blasts)

- Yes.

(chair squeaks)

- Good.

Now, do you have

a queen?

- Go fish.

- Mother (beeps)! (dramatic music)

- Okay, I guess I'll leave.

- You know what?

Stay, it's okay.

This is important to me and I think I can make it.

(gurgling) - Are you sure?

- It's now or never, babe.

- Okay, I was pissed that you weren't listening to me

and then I blew up on you after being a dick

because you just ignored me, which was not cool!

But then, (dramatic music)

- Lower abdomen?

- Mmhmm.

- Dull yet sharp pain that feels

like an over-filled water balloon perched on a pin cushion?

- Yep.

- You're in.

- No no no no, this can't be happening.

I cannot crap my pants in front of you.

I will literally kill myself.

(grunting)

I want to leave, but if I lift my knees past my knees,

I'll shotgun, butt chum out my dumper.

(grumbling)

Son, what do we do?

(slow Western music) (horse whinnies)

- We do what we came here to do,

but it's gotta be quick, 'cause G,

there is a man out there named Blark

who hasn't barged into this room for a full 27 minutes

and when he does come in here,

(slow Western music) (Blark yelling)

our butt holes don't stand a chance.

- Let's finish this, Tark.

(dramatic, slow music)

(grumbling)

- Regina, I am so sorry for not listening,

but I'm even more sorry that I was not man enough

in reaching out afterwards.

That was wrong of me.

Our friendship means everything to me.

(groaning) I want you to know that.

(slow, dramatic music)

(grumbling)

- Son, I got a lot on my plate at home

and sometimes I take my aggression out on people I love.

So I'm sorry for that,

but you hurt my feelings, dude.

(yelling) (slow, dramatic music)

And I know this isn't the right way to say this, but

(grunts) but I wish you would have manned up and called me.

You're my best

friend. (slow, dramatic music)

And I never wanna lose you.

(slow, dramatic music) (clock ticking)

(body thumps) - Hm?

Blark?

- I don't wanna lose you either, G.

(clock ticking) - So,

no more awkwardness?

- No more awkwardness.

(clock ticking) (dramatic music)

(gentle piano music) (slow motion yelling)

(cards flutter)

- [Man] A queen, go fish.

(gentle orchestral music)

(groaning) (gentle orchestral music)

(energetic orchestral music)

(door squeaks)

(energetic orchestral music)

(door slams) (everyone screaming)

- I just wanted to (inhaling)

(farting)

What happened here?

- I told ya, Blark, we're not supposed to (sniffing)

(dramatic music)

I think what happened here

is the kids thought eating some dirty ass backyard root

would make for a cute way to solve their problems.

Little did they know, it would simply make them

(beeps) their little butt holes rotten.

Now they're both slacks deep in kid doogie

and embarrassed the hell by it, as they should be.

- Yep.

- Maybe the best thing for us to do

is leave them be.

- Hm, yeah,

maybe.

Or,

(energetic music)

(men laughing)

You guys (beeps) your pants!

- Smells like the (yelling incoherently)

You're idiots! (men laughing)

Is that why you called a solid, son?

To (beeps) yourself? (laughs)

(rhythmic, energetic music)