WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."

LET'S SAY HI TO JON BATISTE.

HELLO, JON.

>> Jon: HELLO, STEPHEN.

HOW YOU DOING?

>> Stephen: I'M DOING REALLY WELL.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE NOT ACTUALLY -- WE'RE OFF NEXT WEEK.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> Stephen: SO WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT, I

WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW.

YOU AND THE BAND AND SOME OTHER BANDS AROUND THE WORLD ARE

PUTTING TOGETHER THIS AMAZING CARNIVAL MARDI GRAS MUSICAL

PIECE THAT I SAW TODAY THAT'S FANTASTIC.

TELL ME ABOUT THIS THING.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE YOU'RE PLAYING WITH?

>> WE'RE PLAYING WITH K OH SS.

AT AND CHARLES AND GREAT MUSICIANS DOING "IS A VA NA

GRASS" THE SONG OF CARNIVAL LAST YEAR AND A QUARTET FROM BRAZIL,

SANTOS WHO IS FEATURED IN THERE DOING TRADITIONAL BRAZIL MUSIC

FROM CARNIVAL.

WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER FOR CARNIVAL THIS YEAR, BUT THIS IS

THE BEST WE'RE GOING TO GET.

>> Stephen: I HEARD THIS.

IT WILL COME OUT ON MARDI GRAS.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: WE'LL POINT IT OUT ON SOCIAL MEDIA, BUT PLEASE

CHECK IT OUT.

I LISTENED TO IT TODAY AND I LEVITATED.

OFF THE GROUND.

YOU COULD HAVE PASSED A HOOP UNDERNEATH ME.

>> Jon: YEAH, RIGHT.

>> Stephen: WELL, JON, GIVE ME A LASTLA LITTLE DAYS BEFORE WE

GO OFF INTO YOUR LITTLE MARDI GRAS WEEK.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

>> Jon: YES, INDEED.

♪♪♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

EVERYBODY.

THANKS, JON, STAY SAFE.

>> Jon: YES, INDEED.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME

SCOUTING THE WORLD FOR THE MOST HIGHLY-TRAINED AND TOPICAL

BALLERINAS, BUILDING STATE-OF-THE-ART SETS, ADDING

DRAMATIC CUTTING-EDGE LIGHTING, AND A VIRTUOSIC 110-PIECE

ORCHESTRA TO MOUNT FOR YOU THE EPIC PRODUCTION OF "SWAN LAKE"

THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO HOP IN MY BUSTED OUT R.V.,

SLAM SOME AMYL NITRITE POPPERS, AND TROLL AROUND LUMBER YARDS

FOR EX-CON LOGROLLERS, SET-UP A DISCARDED BOOM BOX WITH A MIAMI

SOUND MACHINE TAPE STUCK INSIDE IT, PROMISE THE BOYS A FREE HOT

DOG AND A SCRATCH-OFF, SO I CAN CHARGE BOARDWALK TOURISTS A

NICKLE A POP TO WATCH THE HOBO ZUMBA CLASS OF NEWS THAT IS MY

SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, EVER SINCE WINNING HIS SEVENTH SUPER BOWL

ON SUNDAY, TOM BRADY HAS BEEN DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK HE

IS: EXISTING IN A THEORETICAL PLASMA STATE BETWEEN HUMAN AND

PURE ALCOHOL.

NOW, GIVEN WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT HIS EXTREMELY STRICT NUTRITION

REGIMEN, YOU MIGHT ASSUME HE GOT THAT HAMMERED JUST BY WALKING

PAST THE COUGH SYRUP AISLE AT CVS.

BUT I HAPPEN TO KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE THAT TOM

BRADY CAN DELIVER BOOZE TO HIS OWN BODY LIKE IT'S FOURTH AND

GOAL AND HIS STOMACH IS ROB GRONKOWSKI.

SO, I ASSUME, FOR FOUR STRAIGHT DAYS, HE'S BEEN CONSUMING

MARGARITAS VIA GATORADE SHOWER.

BUT THE BRADY FOOTAGE EVERYONE IS REALLY TALKING ABOUT IS OF

HIM, AND HIS TEAMMATES PARTYING ON SEPARATE BOOZE BARGES

AND BRADY'S HAIL MARY PASS OF THE LOMBARDI TROPHY OVER THE

WATER TO BUCS TIGHT END CAMERON BRATE.

>> OH!

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERING )

( HORN BLOWING ) >> Stephen: THAT IS RISKY!

THE LOMBARDI COULD'VE WOUND UP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER.

REACHED FOR COMMENT, BRADY SAID "WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

EVERYONE HAS LIKE SIX MORE OF THESE, RIGHT?"

THOUGH I GOTTA SAY, I PERSONALLY WOULD FIND FOOTBALL A LOT MORE

COMPELLING IF, INSTEAD OF A BALL, THOSE QUARTERBACKS WERE

DRILLING THEIR RECEIVERS WITH A TOP-HEAVY SEVEN-POUND HUNK OF

POINTY METAL.

KICKERS WOULD BE ON THE SIDELINES PRAYING "DON'T GET

WITHIN FIELD GOAL RANGE!

DON'T GET WITHIN FIELD GOAL RANGE!"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, HOT MALE POLITICIANS GETTING VACCINATED

IS 2021'S STRANGEST THIRST TRAP.

WRONG.

THIS YEAR'S STRANGEST THIRST TRAP IS THE MOUNTAIN DEW MAJOR

MELON SUPERBOWL AD.

IT LEFT ME DEEPLY CONFUSED.

DO I WANT TO DRINK THIS DOG?

BUT PEOPLE ARE INTO PICS OF HOT EUROPEAN POLITICIANS GETTING THE

COVID VACCINE, LIKE GREEK PRIME MINISTER KYRIAKOS MITSOTAKIS,

AND CROATIAN FINANCE MINISTER ZDRAVKO MARICH, SEEN HERE AS

DOCTORS TRY TO FIND A NEEDLE SHARP ENOUGH TO PENETRATE THAT

TRICEP.

ARE THEY TRYING TO FIND A CURE FOR DELTOIDS?

AND WHAT IS WITH THAT LIGHTING?

THIS LOOKS LIKE A ONE MAN SHOW ABOUT A GUY WHO WAS TOO SEXY TO

BE FINANCE MINISTER.

I BET THAT DOCTOR IS TAKING HIS TIME WITH THAT SWAB.

"JUST SO YOU KNOW, THE BEST WAY TO STERILIZE THE AREA IS FOR ME

TO GENTLY SQUEEZE IT."

OH, YEAH, WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

BUT THE GUY WHO STARTED IT ALL WAS FRENCH HEALTH MINISTER

OLIVIER VERAN, WHO TWEETED THIS PIC OF HIMSELF WITH ONLY THE

WORD "VACCINEÉ."

A GREAT PUBLIC HEALTH MESSAGE AND GOOD P.R. FOR THE LAUNCH OF

HIS NEW FRAGRANCE "VACCINEÉ."

THE ONLY THING CONTAGIOUS NOW...

IS PASSION.

( IN FRENCH ACCENT ) CONTINUE ON...

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IT'S BLACK HISTORY MONTH AND SOME PROGRESS

IS BEING DRIZZLED ON A STACK OF INJUSTICE BECAUSE PEPSI-CO, INC.

HAS ANNOUNCED IT IS RE-BRANDING AUNT JEMIMA TO "PEARL MILLING

COMPANY."

THAT IS BORING.

TRULY, THE "WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM" OF PANCAKE MIX.

THAT COULDN'T BE MORE DULL IF THEY'D NAMED IT "THE

CONSOLIDATED BREAKFAST CONSORTIUM AND GLOBAL PANCAKE

INDUSTRIES, L.L.C. MIXABLE MORNING PASTE."

THE NAME COMES FROM THE 19TH-CENTURY BUSINESS THAT

CREATED THE ORIGINAL PANCAKE MIX.

CAN WE TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THE NEW LOGO?

OKAY, THEY KEPT THE SAME COLOR SCHEME AND FONT SIZE, WAIT A

SEC, CAN WE ZOOM IN TO THE RIGHT CORNER?

JUMPIN JEHOSHAPHAT!

IT STILL SAYS AUNT JEMIMA ON THE BOX, AND SAYS "NEW NAME, SAME

GREAT TASTE."

SO, SHE'S FORCED TO REMAIN IN ORDER TO EARN THE COMPANY MONEY?

DOES THAT ARRANGEMENT RING ANY BELLS?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO REMOVE THE BAD THING, NOT REMIND US OF IT.

THAT'S LIKE IF AFTER THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT THEY CHANGED THE

SIGNS TO SAY, "NEW, INCLUSIVE WATER FOUNTAIN, SAME WHITES

ONLY FLAVOR!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "HUSTLER

MAGAZINE" FOUNDER LARRY FLYNT HAS DIED AT AGE 78.

IN LIEU OF FLOWERS, THE FAMILY ASKS THAT YOU SEND NUDES.

FLYNT WAS A TITAN IN THE PORN BIZ.

OVER THE YEARS, HIS COMPANY PRODUCED NOT ONLY "HUSTLER," BUT

OTHER NICHE PUBLICATIONS.

BY WHICH I MEAN PUBLICATIONS THAT FEATURE PHOTOS OF PEOPLE'S

NICHES.

ALSO NOOKS AND, OCCASIONALLY, CRANNIES.

FOR THE BULL BUTTER TO COLLECT I WHEN WE COME BACK, FIRST DRAFTS

OF VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS WITH A VERY SPECIAL MY WIFE.

STICK AROUND.

♪♪♪