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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,

  • WE'RE BACK WITH JOHN OLIVER STAR OF PARAMOUNT-PLUS' NEW "LAST

  • WEEK TONIGHT."

  • WE HEARD THAT YOU HAD WANTED YOUR SHOW TO REALLY BE "THE

  • MUPPET SHOW."

  • >> WE DID.

  • >> Stephen: MY PRODUCER GAVE YOU THE BUZZFEED, "WHICH MUPPET

  • ARE YOU TEST?" BUT WE DID NOT GIVE YOU THE

  • ANSWER.

  • WE HAVE THE ANSWER HERE AS TO WHO YOU ENDED UP BEING.

  • DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A GUESS AS TO WHICH MUPPET YOU ENDED UP

  • BEING?

  • AND THESE TESTS ARE IRONCLAD, YOU UNDERSTAND.

  • >> OH, WE KNOW THAT.

  • IT'S A BUZZFEED TEST, THOSE ARE ALWAYS PEER REVIEWED.

  • >> THIS IS THE BUZZFEED P.C.R.

  • MUPPET TEST, NOT THE INSTANT SPIT TEST.

  • >> I THINK "BUZZFEED" WORKS WITH "THE LANCET."

  • I WOULD LIKE TO BE ROLF.

  • I WOULD LIKE TO BE GONZO.

  • I DO BELIEVE THERE'S A BEAKER INSIDE OF ME.

  • I WAS SOMEWHERE ON THE SPECTRUM BETWEEN GONZO AND BEAKER.

  • YOU ARE ( BLEEP ) KIDDING ME.

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE MISS PIGGY.

  • >> MISS PIGGY!

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE MISS PIGGY.

  • YOU ARE BOLD AND CONFIDENT.

  • YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE, AND YOU GET OUT THERE AND MAKE

  • IT HAPPEN FOR YOURSELF.

  • YOU HAVE GREAT STYLE AND WIT.

  • YOU CAN CHARM THE HECK JUST OUT OF JUST ABOUT ANYBODY, AND YOU

  • ALWAYS STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN."

  • THAT'S JOHN OLIVER.

  • IT'S LIKE STARING IN A MIRROR RIGHT NOW FOR YOU.

  • >> I ABSOLUTE-- IT'S A MASSIVE COMPLIMENT.

  • I DO NOT HAVE THE SEXUAL CONFIDENCE OF A MISS PIGGY.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE THE SEXUAL CONFIDENCE TO PLAY THE

  • VIOLA?

  • BECAUSE I HAD HEARD FOR YEARS NOW, FOR YEARS NOW I HAVE BEEN

  • WAITING FOR YOU TO BREAK OUT THE VIOLA, WHICH I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW

  • TO PLAY.

  • YOU SPENT YEARS PLAYING THE VIOLA.

  • THIS IS TRUE, CORRECT?

  • >> I DID, I PLAYED-- I PLAYED THE VIOLA ALL THE WAY THROUGH

  • HIGH SCHOOL.

  • >> Stephen: IS THIS THE YEAR THAT "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" YOU

  • BREAK OUT THE VIOLA AND SERENADE ALL OF US?

  • WHAT'S THE BEST SONG YOU COULD-- FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW,

  • VIOLA IS LIKE A VIOLIN, BUT USELESS.

  • >> HEY, HEY, HEY!

  • >> Stephen: ABSOLUTE-- YOU CAN SHINGLE A ROOF WITH ONE BUT

  • THAT'S ABOUT IT.

  • >> COMPLETELY WRONG.

  • THE TONE OF AN ORCHESTRA WOULD BE SHIFTED UNLESS YOU HAD A FEW

  • PEOPLE THROWN IN THERE PLAYING A VIOLA, WHICH IS LIKE A VIOLIN

  • BUT A STRING LOWER.

  • IF YOU CAN'T PLAY THE VIOLIN WITH ANY FLARE, THEN YOU CAN

  • FILL THE SOUND OF AN ORCHESTRA BY DROWNING ON A VIOLA AND THAT

  • WAS MY JOB.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO, TUNE "TURKEY IN THE

  • STRAW?" >> THE BEST I GOT THE MORE I

  • REALIZED HOW I WAS.

  • THE BETTER YOU ARE, YOU GET THE BETTER PIECES OF MUC.

  • AND I REALIZED AS I PLAYED THAT I REALIZED HOW BAD I WAS.

  • IN YOUR HEAD YOU KNOW HOW YOU WANT IT TO SOUND BUT YOUR

  • FINGERS CAN'T DO IT, SO YOU END UP WANTING TO SMASH IT AGAINST

  • THE WALL LIKE A SIGNIFICANTLY LESS COOL PETE TOWNSEND.

  • >> Stephen: I THINK IT WOULD BE COOL TO SEE YOU SMASH A

  • VIOLA.

  • I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANY PROOF THAT-- I HEARD A LOT OF

  • BRAGGING.

  • I HEARD A LOT OF BIG TALK ABOUT YOU AND VIOL AS OVER THE YEARS.

  • >> THAT'S RIGHT.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHY YO YO MAHAS NEVER ENDED A CONCERT BY

  • SMASHING IT ALL OVER THE STAGE.

  • >> Stephen: BECAUSE HE'S NOT A GIBSON OFF THE LINE.

  • >> I WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED OF PLAYING THE VIOLA IN FRONT OF

  • PEOPLE.

  • THAT'S THE THING.

  • I WAS FINE WITH KIND OF PERFORMING, AND YET ANY CONCERT

  • AT SCHOOL I WAS PETRIFIED, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, I THINK I

  • KNEW I WAS TERRIBLE.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE MOST TERRIFIED YOU HAVE BEEN AT ANY

  • PERFORMANCE AT ALL?

  • WHAT IS THE MOST SCARED YOU HAVE BEEN TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND

  • START A PERFORMANCE?

  • >> HONESTLY, IT PROBABLY WASN'T THAT.

  • ANY TIME I WAS OPENING MY MOUTH, I WAS OKAY.

  • PLAYING MUSIC I WAS -- >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT SINGING?

  • >> OH, UM-- I MEAN, I NEVER KIND OF TRIED TO-- I ALWAYS KIND OF

  • DID THE COMIC-- IN MUSICALS, I WAS ALWAYS KIND OF OSTRACIZED

  • AS, "YOU CAN DO THE FUNNY SONG," BECAUSE IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ANY

  • RANGE OR NATURAL VOCAL TONE AND YOU CAN ACT LIKE THE WHOLE THING

  • IS A JOKE EVEN THOUGH YOU COULDN'T ACTUALLY DO THE THING

  • YOU ARE MAKING FUN OF.

  • >> Stephen: SO THAT DIDN'T SCARE YOU EITHER?

  • >> NO.

  • >> Stephen: YOU DON'T GET NERVOUS BEFORE YOU GO ON STAGE?

  • >> NOT-- I THINK IT'S BEEN BATTED OUT OF ME.

  • YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU DO STANDUP -- >> Stephen: I NEVER DID IT.

  • >> YEAH, BUT THE THING IS, LIKE, YOUR FAILURES ARE SO VISCERAL,

  • SO PERSONAL, THAT ONCE YOU'VE BOMBED A HUNDRED TIMES-- IT'S

  • LOT OF PEOPLE'S TRUE NIGHTMARE.

  • THEY THINK I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING WORSE IN LIFE THAN

  • BEING ON STAGE AND BOMBING.

  • ONCE IT'S HAPPENED TO YOU 100 TIMES, AUDIENCES LOSE THEIR

  • CAPACITY TO HURT YOU.

  • SO YOU JUST-- YOU JUST BECOME A SHELL OF A PERSON.

  • YOU'RE LIKE-- THERE IS NOTHING-- THERE IS NOTHING EXTRA

  • INTERESTING ABOUT BOMBING IN BIRMINGHAM.

  • I JUST BOMBED IN LIVERPOOL.

  • IT DOESN'T MATTER.

  • >> Stephen: NOW, SO THE FOLLOW-UP QUESTION, OBVIOUSLY,

  • IS, IF BOMBING LOSES ANY SPECIAL PAIN, DOES SCORING TO, LIKE,

  • KILLING IN THE ROOM LOSE ANY SPECIAL HIGH THEN?

  • >> WELL THAT'S-- I MEAN...

  • >> Stephen: WHAT I'M ASKING IS DO YOU CARE IF THE AUDIENCE IS

  • THERE AT ALL?

  • WHAT I'M GETTING IS THIS IS A PURELY MASTUREBATORY AFFAIR.

  • >> MY SHIFT TO AN AUDIENCELESS SHOW HAS BEEN EASIER THAN MOST.

  • >> Stephen: IN MY MIND THESE JOKES ARE KILLING.

  • I'M JUST DESTROYING EVERYTHING!

  • >> IN MY MIND, MY JOKES ARE BOMBING.

  • I ASSUME SILENCE, SO I'M NOT SHOCKED WHEN IT COMES.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

  • WELL, JOHN, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

  • IS THERE ANYTHING-- IS THERE ANYTHING, PERHAPS, ABOUT YOUR

  • EIGHTH SEASON COMING UP YOU'D LIKE TO US KNOW ABOUT?

  • EIGHT SEASONS OVER HOW MANY YEARS?

  • >> EIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY.

  • THAT WORKS OUT.

  • >> EIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: BUT YOU KNOW THESE DAYS, WE'RE ON, LIKE, SEASON 27

  • OF "BACHELORETTE" AND IT'S BEEN ON FOUR YEARS.

  • IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING ANY MORE.

  • >> WE REALLY STICK TO THE ONE SEASON, ONE YEAR PROCESS.

  • >> Stephen: GOOD FOR YOU.

  • >> IT'S SO MUCH EASIER THAT WAY FOR MOMENTS LIKE THIS.

  • >> Stephen: IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE PEOPLE TO KNOW

  • ABOUT YOUR UPCOMING SEASON?

  • >> JUST, IT'S ON AGAIN.

  • IF YOU LIKED THE SHOW PREVIOUSLY, I HOPE YOU WILL

  • ENJOY IT.

  • IF YOU REALLY HATED IT, HONESTLY, I WOULDN'T GIVE IT A

  • SECOND CHANCE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> Stephen: NO RESAMPLING.

  • >> YOU'VE MADE YOUR DECISION.

  • THAT'S FAIR.

  • COMEDY IS SUBJECTIVE.

  • I DON'T THINK IT'S MATERIALLY CHANGED ENOUGH FOR YOU TO LIKE

  • SOMETHING THAT YOU PREVIOUSLY DID SPIESED.

  • SO I'D GIVE IT A MISS.

  • >> Stephen: I DISAGREE.

  • I THINK NO MATTER WHAT, GIVEN ANOTHER CHANCE AND, YOU KNOW,

  • IT'S A GREAT WAY FOR PEOPLE TO SAMPLE PARAMOUNT-PLUS.

  • IT WOULD BE A GREAT WAY FOR PEOPLE TO CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN.

  • WELL, JOHN, A PLEASURE AS ALWAYS.

  • I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE TO GO.

  • MARK IS MAKING-- MARK IS ACTUALLY SHAKING HIS HEAD SAYING

  • "DO WHATEVER YOU WANT."

  • I'M THE ONE PRETENDING IT'S TIME TO GO.

  • ALWAYS A DELIGHT.

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER 24 MINUTES OR WHATEVER

  • THIS WAS.

  • WHATEVER.

  • YOU GOT NOTHING TO DO.

  • COME ON.

  • >> ALL I'LL SAY IS I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR EDITORS,

  • AND GODSPEED.

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU.

  • SEASON EIGHT OF "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" STARTS THIS SUNDAY ON