Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

  • WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

  • I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

  • I HAVE A LOVELY-- LOVELY SIP OF MY COFFEE HERE UPON GET ALL

  • ZIPPED UP.

  • THERE YOU GO.

  • SOUND LOVES THAT, DON'T THEY?

  • DON'T THE SOUND GUYS LOVE THAT.

  • JUST WANT TO POINT OUT, ANYBODY SEEING ME WALKING DOWN THE

  • STREET TODAY-- THIS IS WHAT I WORE TO WORK TODAY.

  • THIS IS HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN RIDING TODAY.

  • BECAUSE WE WERE SHOCKED, RIGHT.

  • WE DID NOT KNOW HOW INTERESTING THIS DAY WAS GOING TO BE IN THAT

  • IT WAS FAR LESS BORING THAN WE THOUGHT.

  • BECAUSE HERE WE GO AGAIN, AGAIN.

  • BECAUSE IT'S DAY ONE OF THE SECOND IMPEACHMENT OF THE 45th

  • PRESIDENT.

  • I GOT THAT REALLY FEELING OF DEJA COUP.

  • I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN MY UNFORTUNATELY NECESSARY SEGMENT,

  • "DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE FURIOUS."

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> HERE I AM A BIG, FAT, DUMB

  • BASTARD, AND I DID A HORRIBLE JOB!

  • A HORRIBLE JOB.

  • I DID HORRIBLE JOB" HERE I AM A BIG, FAT, DUMB

  • BASTARD, I DID A HORRIBLE JOB!

  • A HORRIBLE JOOOB!

  • HE DID A HORRIBLE JOOOB!

  • YEAH!

  • >> Stephen: I SMELL A HIT.

  • IT IS ONE YEAR AND FOUR DAYS SINCE WE FINISHED UP THE LAST

  • IMPEACHMENT TRIAL OF THE SAME PRESIDENT, FEBRUARY OF 2020.

  • OH, WE WERE SO YOUNG THEN.

  • I LONG FOR A SIMPLER TIME, WHEN PEOPLE HIDING FROM NAZIS AND NOT

  • LEAVING THEIR HOUSE FOR MONTHS WERE JUST THE PLOTS OF "JOJO

  • RABBIT" AND "PARASITE."

  • IN THE LEAD-UP TO THE TRIAL, REPUBLICANS WERE GRASPING AT

  • STRAWS TO JUSTIFY THEIR OPPOSITION TO IMPEACHMENT.

  • TAKE R.N.C. CHAIR AND WOMAN PRETENDING TO THINK,

  • RONNA McDANIEL.

  • YESTERDAY, McDANIEL TWEETED, "BIDEN SHOULD HEED LINCOLN'S

  • WORDS BY URGING DEMOCRATS IN THE SENATE TO ABANDON THEIR

  • POLITICAL GAME OF IMPEACHMENT."

  • NOT SURE YOU WANT TO BRING LINCOLN INTO THIS ONE, RONNA.

  • HE WAS NEVER A HUGE FAN OF YOUR FLAG.

  • BUT THE DUMBEST G.O.P. ARGUMENT AGAINST IMPEACHMENT MIGHT HAVE

  • COME FROM WISCONSIN SENATOR RON JOHNSON, SEEN HERE AFTER BEING

  • REMINDED TO BREATHE.

  • ON SUNDAY, JOHNSON SAID IMPEACHMENT MIGHT BE A SINISTER

  • DISTRACTION BY NANCY PELOSI.

  • >> YOU HAVE TO KIND OF ASK THE QUESTION, "WHAT IS THIS

  • IMPEACHMENT ALL ABOUT?" WE NOW KNOW THAT 45 REPUBLICAN

  • SENATORS BELIEVE IT'S UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

  • IS THIS ANOTHER DIVERSIONARY OPERATION?

  • IS THIS MEANT TO DEFLECT AWAY FROM POTENTIALLY WHAT THE

  • SPEAKER KNEW AND WHEN SHE KNEW IT?

  • I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M SUSPICIOUS.

  • >> Stephen: OF COURSE!

  • IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

  • PELOSI DID EVERYTHING SHE COULD TO GET BIDEN ELECTED, KNOWING

  • FULL WELL THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT WOULD FOMENT LIES

  • ABOUT HOW IT WAS RIGGED, CULMINATING IN A VIOLENT

  • INSURRECTION, HOWLING FOR HER BLOOD IN THE TEMPLE OF AMERICAN

  • DEMOCRACY, ALL SO SHE COULD HAVE HER PODIUM MOVED FOR FREE!

  • YOU YOU WIN THIS TIME, NANCY!

  • TODAY WAS BILLED AS "DRY LEGAL ARGUMENTS" OVER THE WORDING OF

  • IMPEACHMENT IN THE CONSTITUTION.

  • AND THE SENATORS SET ASIDE FOUR HOURS TO DEBATE THIS ISSUE.

  • IF YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL ARGUMENT LASTS LONGER THAN FOUR HOURS,

  • TRY HAVING SEX.

  • IT'S WAY MORE FUN.

  • BUT THE PROSECUTORS WENT STRAIGHT FOR THE HEART WITH A

  • DEVASTATING VIDEO PROVING THE PRESIDENT'S RALLY AND THE RIOT

  • AT THE CAPITOL WERE ONE AND THE SAME THING.

  • I WOULD PLAY IT FOR YOU, BUT IT IS VERY HARD TO WATCH.

  • YOU WOULD NEED A BOX OF KLEENEX-- IF NOT A PONCHO-- AND

  • PERHAPS EVEN A DIAPER.

  • IT WAS ESPECIALLY HARD TO WATCH FOR THE COWARDS IN THE SENATE,

  • LIKE FLORIDA SENATOR RICK SCOTT, WHO STUDIED PAPERS IN HIS LAP,

  • TAKING ONLY THE TINIEST GLIMPSES AT THE SCREEN TO HIS RIGHT.

  • AND ARKANSAS SENATOR TOM COTTON, WHO ALSO FOCUSED ON PAPERS IN

  • FRONT OF HIM INSTEAD OF ON THE IMAGES DEPICTING THE

  • INSURRECTION AT THE CAPITOL.

  • AND MARCO RUBIO DID THE SAME.

  • AND RAND PAUL, WHO INSTEAD OF WATCHING, LOOKED DOWN AT THE PAD

  • OF LINED PAPER IN HIS LAP, WHERE HE HAD ALREADY BEGUN DOODLING

  • WITH A PENCIL.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY GENTLEMEN: SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO

  • EVIL MAKES YOU SEEM KIND OF EVIL.

  • I WONDER WHAT RAND PAUL WAS DOODLING INSTEAD OF LOOKING AT

  • THE VIDEO.

  • MAYBE A GAME OF HANGMAN?

  • LET'S SEE HOW CLOSE HE GOT.

  • MIKE-ENCE?

  • SO WITH THAT 13-MINUTE VIDEO, HOUSE MANAGERS BASICALLY PROVED

  • THEIR CASE: YOU CAN'T SEPARATE THE PRESIDENT'S RALLY FROM THE

  • VIOLENT ATTACK ANY MORE THAN YOU CAN SEPARATE GORILLA GLUE FROM

  • THAT LADY'S HAIR.

  • TODAY, 44 REPUBLICAN SENATORS VOTED THAT THE TRIAL WAS

  • UNCONSTITUTIONAL, BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE THIS TRIAL.

  • WELL, TOUGH NUTS.

  • THE COUNTRY IS LIKE A BAR, AND THE LAST PRESIDENT PUKED IN THE

  • BATHROOM.

  • SOMEBODY'S GOT TO CLEAN IT UP, OR WE CAN'T USE THE BATHROOM

  • ANYMORE.

  • OH, AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO BE A BUSBOY.

  • SO GRAB A MOP AND DO YOUR JOB.

  • AND IF YOU CAN'T FIND A MOP, USE RAND PAUL'S HAIR.

  • HOUSE MANAGER JAMIE RASKIN SPOKE ABOUT HOW DANGEROUS IT WOULD BE

  • FOR THE COUNTRY IF THE SENATE COULDN'T TRY FORMER PRESIDENTS.

  • >> THEIR ARGUMENT IS THAT IF YOU COMMIT AN IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE IN

  • YOUR LAST FEW WEEKS IN OFFICE, YOU DO IT WITH CONSTITUTIONAL

  • IMPUNITY.

  • YOU GET AWAY WITH IT.

  • THIS WOULD CREATE A BRAND-NEW JANUARY EXCEPTION TO THE

  • CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA-- A JANUARY

  • EXCEPTION.

  • >> Stephen: YES, A JANUARY EXCEPTION-- WHICH IS WHAT I CALL

  • IT WHEN I DO DRY JANUARY AND START DRINKING ON THE 7th

  • BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED ON THE 6th.

  • AND HE'S RIGHT.

  • IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THAT FOR THEIR LAST MONTH IN OFFICE,

  • PRESIDENTS GET TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.

  • IT'S LIKE IF, INSTEAD OF SENIOR SKIP DAY, HIGH SCHOOLS HAD

  • SENIOR STAB DAY.

  • MAYBE THE PRESIDENT'S LAWYERS ARE RIGHT.

  • MAYBE THE FOUNDING FATHERS DID WANT PRESIDENTS TO GET AWAY WITH

  • ANYTHING IN THE LAST PART OF THEIR TERM.

  • THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE "LAME DUCK."

  • BECAUSE THERE'S NO MORE DANGEROUS ANIMAL THAN A CORNERED

  • DUCK.

  • OH, THEY'LL PECK AT YOUR SHINS LIKE THEY WERE CRUSTY BAGUETTES.

  • AND WHEN IT CAME TO WHETHER THE PRESIDENT IS IMPEACHABLE AFTER

  • LEAVING OFFICE, RASKIN REACHED BACK TO THE EARLY DAYS OF THE

  • REPUBLIC.

  • >> THE TRUE RULE WAS STATED BY FORMER PRESIDENT JOHN QUINCY

  • ADAMS WHEN HE CATEGORICALLY DECLARED, "I HOLD MYSELF SO LONG

  • AS I HAVE THE BREATH OF LIFE IN MY BODY AMENABLE TO IMPEACHMENT

  • BY THE HOUSE FOR EVERYTHING I DID DURING THE TIME I HELD ANY

  • PUBLIC OFFICE."

  • >> Stephen: YES, INDEED.

  • THAT IS JOHN QUINCY ADAMS' SECOND MOST FAMOUS QUOTE AFTER,

  • "I'M NOT THE PAUL GIAMATTI ONE.

  • THAT'S MY DAD."

  • WHEN RASKIN WAS FINISHED, IMPEACHMENT MANAGER JOE NEGUSE

  • TOOK OVER, AND HE GAVE THE SENATORS A HISTORY LESSON.

  • >> IN 1797, ABOUT A DECADE AFTER OUR COUNTRY RATIFIED OUR

  • CONSTITUTION, THERE WAS A SENATOR FROM TENNESSEE BY THE

  • NAME OF WILLIAM BLUNT, WHO WAS CAUGHT CONSPIRING WITH THE

  • BRITISH TO TRY TO SELL FLORIDA AND LOUISIANA.

  • >> Stephen: FLORIDA AND LOUISIANA TO THE BRITISH?

  • THAT'S CRAZY.

  • REPUBLICANS KNOW A GREAT PRESIDENT OFFERS TO TRADE PUERTO

  • RICO FOR GREENLAND TO DENMARK.

  • NOW, KEEP IN MIND, THESE CONSTITUTIONAL ORIGINALISTS ARE

  • ARGUING THAT YOU CAN'T IMPEACH SOMEONE ONCE THEY'VE LEFT

  • OFFICE.

  • WELL, NEGUSE CURB-STOMPED THAT WITH THE FOUNDERS' OWN BOOTS.

  • >> FOUR DAYS LATER, THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

  • IMPEACHED HIM.

  • A DAY AFTER THAT, THIS BODY, THE UNITED STATES SENATE, EXPELLED

  • HIM FROM OFFICE, SO HE WAS VERY MUCH A FORMER OFFICIAL.

  • DESPITE THAT, THE HOUSE WENT FORWARD WITH ITS IMPEACHMENT,

  • PROCEEDING IN ORDER TO DISQUALIFY HIM FROM EVER AGAIN

  • HOLDING FEDERAL OFFICE.

  • AND SO THE SENATE PROCEEDED WITH THE TRIAL, WITH NONE OTHER THAN

  • THOMAS JEFFERSON PRESIDING.

  • >> Stephen: WOW.

  • JEFFERSON HIMSELF PRESIDED.

  • THAT'S GOING TO BE TOUGH FOR THE DEFENSE TO REFUTE.

  • IT'S LIKE T.J. SAID, "ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, EXCEPT FOR

  • THE 45th PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM.

  • WERE THEY KICKED IN THE HEAD BY A HORSE?"

  • AFTER THAT, WE HEARD FROM ANOTHER IMPEACHMENT MANAGER,

  • DAVID CICILLINI, WHO LAID A HARD TRUTH ON THE CROWD.