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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH JOHN

  • OLIVER, STAR OF "JOHN OLIVER IS ON TV THIS WEEK."

  • JOHN OLIVER.

  • SO ENGLAND HAS THE PREMIERE LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP OVER THERE,

  • AND OVER THE SUMMER, THEY HAD THEIR WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP THAT

  • THE ALL WHOLE WORLD PLAYS IN, RIGHT?

  • OR WAS IS THAT JUST IN-- IT WAS JUST GREAT BRITAIN PLAYING EACH

  • OTHER?

  • >> THAT'S THE WORLD CUP.

  • YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE WORLD CUP THERE.

  • >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.

  • >> YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW.

  • >> Stephen: I'M TRYING TO BE NICE.

  • I'M JUST TRYING TO BE NICE, MAN.

  • >> YOU KNOW SOMETHING -- >> Stephen: CROSS-PLATFORM

  • SYNERGY.

  • >> THEY DON'T KEEP YOU UP AT NIGHT WE'RE GOING LIVE AFTER THE

  • WORLD CUP.

  • SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THAT AND MENTION BUDWEISER.

  • THEY DON'T SAY THAT TO YOU?

  • >> NOT YET.

  • BUT THANKS FOR GIVING THEM THE IDEA.

  • WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS ON PARAMOUNT-PLUS.

  • THAT'S ALL ANYONE IS TALKING ABOUT.

  • THAT'S IT.

  • THAT'S THE NATIONAL CONVERSATION.

  • MOST OF MY MONOLOGUE TONIGHT WAS ABOUT PARAMOUNT-PLUS.

  • OH, THE IMPEACHMENT.

  • LAST YEAR, YOU WERE HAPPY BECAUSE YOUR SERIES DIDN'T START

  • UNTIL AFTER IMPEACHMENT WAS OVER, RIGHT?

  • IT WAS OVER AT THIS POINT LAST YEAR, SO YOU MISSED THE WHOLE

  • THING.

  • BUT NOW THEY CAME IN, THEY JUST SNAGGED YOU AT THE END.

  • DID YOU WATCH ANY OF THE PROCEEDINGS TODAY?

  • >> I'VE JUST-- I'VE JUST BEEN CATCHING UP ON IT.

  • AND IT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE NOTHING, RIGHT?

  • >> Stephen: RIGHT, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE JUST

  • PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE OR ARGUING OVER THE

  • CONSTITUTIONALITY-- SUPER CRY.

  • >> IT WAS A PERFECT ECHO OF THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY-- SOMETHING

  • THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE NOTHING IS MADE VERY MUCH SOMETHING.

  • I GATHER THAT THE FIRST LAWYER ENGAGED IN THE KIND OF

  • FREE-STYLE BEAT POETRY FOR A WHILE.

  • >> Stephen: I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST TRYING TO RUN OUT THE

  • CLOCK.

  • HE WAS LIKE, "OKAY, I GOT TO DO AT LEAST AN HOUR HERE.

  • YOU KNOW, THE ANCIENT GREEKS WERE VERY...

  • GOOD WITH THE...

  • AND WHO CAN FORGET HOW THE ROMANS DID IT."

  • >> MAYBE HE HAD A STAGE MANAGER LIKE YOU'VE GOT MARK JUST

  • STANDING BEHIND THE CAMERA GOING, "YOU HAVE TO GO.

  • YOU HAVE TO GO LONGER."

  • >> Stephen: WHAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IS MY STAGE MANAGER IS YOUR

  • STAGE MANAGER.

  • BUT HE DOESN'T DO THIS FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE GUESTS.

  • >> YEAH,■ç THAT'S TRUE.

  • >> Stephen: RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW, MARK IS GOING...

  • >> HE DOES THE OPPOSITE.

  • HE GOES LIKE THIS.

  • "GO FASTER.

  • GO FASTER.

  • GO FASTER."

  • LIKE A JOCKEY.

  • "GO, GO, GO.33 TALK FASTER."

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT THAT SMALL.

  • YOU'RE NOT JOHN CEENA, BUT YOU'RE NOT A JOCKEY.

  • HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.

  • >> NO, MARK IS THE JOCKEY.

  • I'M THE HORSE.

  • >> Stephen: OH, HE'S THE JOCKEY.

  • >> HE'S THE JOCKEY.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, SEASON STARTS SUNDAY.

  • VALENTINE'S DAY.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE-- WOULD YOU RECOMMEND YOUR SHOW

  • FOR A FIRST DATE?

  • >> I MEAN, I WOULD-- IT DEPENDS.

  • I WOULD RECOMMEND IT FOR A LAST DATE.

  • THAT'S FOR SURE.

  • VALENTINE'S DAY IS NOT JUST FOR PEOPLE IN HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS.

  • IT'S ALSO FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO FIND A WAY TO GET OUT OF A

  • RELATIONSHIP.

  • AND I DON'T THINK THERE'S A CLEANER WAY OUT OF A

  • RELATIONSHIP THAN SAYING, "LET'S SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THE ROMANTIC

  • STYLINGS OF 'LAST WEEK TONIGHT' ON HBO.

  • YOU WANT TO GET OUT?

  • I'LL GET YOU OUT."

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A ROMANTIC SUBJECT THIS WEEK OR DO

  • YOU NOT KNOW YET?

  • IS IT STILL COOKING?

  • >> I LIKE TO THINK THAT EVERY-- EVERY SUBJECT WE TOUCH ON HAS A

  • KIND OF ROMANTIC TO IT, WOULD YOU NOT AGREE WITH THAT?

  • >> Stephen: SURE, SURE.

  • >> THERE'S A KIND OF I THINK SEXUAL TENSION CRACKLING THROUGH

  • ANY STORY THAT WE DO.

  • SO I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT-- I HOPE THAT WILL BE PRESENT,

  • WHATEVER IT IS.

  • >> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU WHO-- I'LL TELL YOU WHO MIGHT

  • GET A LITTLE TURNED ON BY YOUR SHOW IS ANYONE IN THE FURRY

  • COMMUNITY.

  • >> OH, RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU HAVE QUITE FAMOUSLY-- LIKE, YOU DON'T

  • HAVE A LOT OF GUESTS.

  • >> ALMOST NONE.

  • >> Stephen: ALMOST NO GUESTS, BUT YOU DO HAVE A LOT OF

  • MASCOTS.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.

  • WE HAVE THE SPACE GEKO.

  • JEFF THE DISEASED LUNG.

  • MR. NUTTER BUTTER AND HIS BARBER SHOP SQUIRREL QUARTET.

  • AND QIONG.

  • AM I PRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY?

  • >> YOU ARE.

  • >> Stephen: THESE LOOK EXPENSIVE.

  • I-- I-- DO YOU MAKE THEM YOURSELVES?

  • I MEAN, DOES YOUR SHOW-- I ASSUME YOU DON'T SEW THEM.

  • >> NO, NO.

  • A MAGNIFICENT MASCOTT MAKER CALLED BOB FLANAGAN MAKES THEM.

  • HE'S VERY, VERY BEAUTIFUL.

  • AND HBO WILL NEVER FIND OUT HOW MUCH THEY COST.

  • >> Stephen: WHERE DO YOU KEEP THEM?

  • WHERE DO YOU KEEP THEM WHEN YOU'RE NOT USING THEM?

  • I IMAGINE THE STORAGE COSTS ARE CONSIDERABLE.

  • >> WE USED TO KEEP THEM IN OUR OFFICES.

  • REMEMBER OFFICES, WHEN YOU WOULD GATHER IN ONE BUILDING.

  • >> Stephen: WITH PEOPLE.

  • >> YEAH, THAT.

  • WE USED TO HAVE A ROOM WHERE WE PUT ALL OF THEM.

  • BUT WE EVENTUALLY MOVED THEM AFTER, LIKE, THE THIRD CHILD WHO

  • HAD BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR OFFICE KIND OF OPENED THE DOOR,

  • SCREAMED.

  • BECAUSE YOU KNOW, PUPPETS AND MASCOTTS WHEN■ç THEY'RE ANIMATED

  • ARE THE MOST MAGICAL THING ON EARTH.

  • A DECAPITATED MASCOTT HANGING FROM A HOOK IN A MEAT LOCKER IS

  • NOT SOMETHING A CHILD IS LIKELY TO FORGET.

  • >> Stephen: THEY SMELL FANTASTIC INSIDE.

  • I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE CONDITION ANY MASCOTT WORK BUT

  • THEY KEEP THE JUICES IN.

  • >> THERE IS SOMETHING TRULY MAGIC.

  • I LOVED THE MUPPETS -- YOU KNOW TIM CARAVEL.

  • >> Stephen: YES.

  • >> TIM CARAVEL, WE'RE MASSIVE, MASSIVE FANS OF THE MUPPETS.

  • I THINK WHAT WE WANTED TO DO WAS MAKE OUR VERSION OF "THE MUPPET

  • SHOW."

  • >> Stephen: WHO ARE YOU?

  • IF YOU'RE A MUPPET, ARE YOU KERMIT?

  • WHO ARE YOU?

  • >> IAM NOT SO SELF-CONFIDENT TO BE KERMIT.

  • I LIKED ROLF.

  • HE DOES GOOD, TAKES THE CAMERA.

  • HE WOULD GET A LAUGH ANY TIME HE DID THAT.

  • I LIKED THE SWEDISH CHEF, NATURALLY FUNNY.

  • >> Stephen: HEY, I HAVE A TRIVIA THING.

  • WHAT IS UNUSUAL ABOUT THE SWEDISH CHEF'S HANDS?

  • >> WHAT?

  • >> Stephen: THEY'RE THE ONLY-- HE'S THE ONLY MUPPET WITH HUMAN

  • HANDS.

  • THEY'RE ACTUALLY-- JIM HENCEN IS THE SWEDISH CHEF, OR WAS THE

  • SWEDISH CHEF, AND FRANK OZ WAS THE HANDS.

  • AND I WAS TALKING WITH FRANK ABOUT THIS.

  • AND HE SAID THEY HAD ACTUALLY DONE IT FOR, LIKE, A MONTH

  • BEFORE THEY WENT, "HOLY COW!

  • WHAT ARE WE DOING?

  • WE FORGOT TO GIVE HIM HANDS."

  • >> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH, IS THAT THE SWEDISH CHEF.

  • I THINK IT IS.

  • IT'S THE SWEDISH CHEF HAS HUMAN HANDS.

  • AND IT WAS JUST A MISTAKE.

  • >> THOSE TWO WERE INCREDIBLE.

  • HAVE YOU SEEN THE-- THAT CAMERA TEST OF THEM JUST TESTING OUT

  • THE CAMERAS, WHEN YOU'VE GOT FRANK OZ AND JIM HENSON, TESTIN

  • THE CAMERAS FULL DEEP IN CHARACTER.

  • DANIEL DAY LEWIS ON MUPPETS.

  • INCREDIBLY FUNNY, CONSTANTLY IN CHARACTER.

  • THE UTTER GREATNESS.

  • >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK, BUT WHEN WE

  • RETURN, WE WILL REVEAL WHAT MUPPET JOHN OLIVER WOULD BE IF

  • JOHN OLIVER WERE A MUPPET.

  • THE ANSWER MAY SURPRISE HIM.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH JOHN

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