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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME TO A VERY SPECIAL LATE

  • SHOW.

  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT AND I'M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE

  • WE'RE COMING TO YOU ON A RARE SUNDAY NIGHT LATE SHOW AFTER

  • WHAT MANY HAVE CALLED THE MOST SUPER OF ALL BOWLS, THE SUPER

  • BOWL.

  • NOW, THERE YOU GO, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED, THIS LITTLE GUY IN OUR

  • OPENING CREDITS, THAT IS OUR EXCLUSIVE DANCING FOOTBALL

  • ROBOT, BLEEP-BLORP.

  • THAT'S ENOUGH, MY METALLIC FRIEND.

  • HIT THE WORK BENCH.

  • THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

  • ANYWAY, IF YOU ARE A FOOTBALL FAN, AND FOR THE NEXT HOUR, YOU

  • BET I AM, YOU PROBABLY KNOW THAT ANOTHER NETWORK OUT THERE HAS A

  • SIMILAR DANCING ROBOT MASCOT.

  • DOESN'T MATTER WHO HAD ONE FIRST ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT THEY

  • HAVE VERY GOOD LAUERS.

  • SO WE HAD TO MAKE OUR OWN OWN ROBOT ON A BUDGET WITH SOME

  • CARDBOARD BOXES AND DRYER TUBING.

  • AND TONIGHT BLEEP-BLORP WILL APPEAR ANY TIME I SAY THE WORDS

  • SUPER BOWL.

  • HEY, THERE HE GOES.

  • THAT HE-- JIMMY, THAT'S A LITTLE LOUD, A LITTLE INTENSE.

  • CAN WE TAKE THE ENERGY DOWN JUST A LITTLE BIT, JUST A NOTCH?

  • OKAY, THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE TOO MELLOW, CAN YOU JUST SPLIT THE

  • DIFF.

  • OKAY, THAT'S-- THANKS, THANKS BLEEP-BLORP, JIMMY, PLEASE.

  • THANKS.

  • LIKE EVERYTHING DURING THE PANDEMIC, THE GAME WAS A LOT

  • DIFFERENT THIS YEAR.

  • THERE WERE CARDBOARD CUT OUTS IN THE STANDS, PLAYERS HAD TO

  • QUARANTINE AND INSTEAD OF GATORADE THE WINNING COACH WAS

  • DOUSED WITH HAND SANITIZER.

  • THE PANDEMIC'S ALSO BEEN HARD ON TONIGHT'S HOST CITY TAMPA,

  • ESPECIALLY ON ONE OF ITS BIGGEST INDUSTRIES, STRIP CLUBS TAM

  • HAS-- TAMPA HAS BEEN CALLED THE JIGGLE JOINT CAPITAL OF THE

  • COUNTRY.

  • WOW

  • THAT'S QUITE A NAME, WHAT THE HELL, NEW YORK, WE'RE THE BIG

  • APPLE WHEN WE COULD HAVE BEEN THE BIG JIGGLY.

  • THANK AS LOT, DE BLASIO.

  • NOW USUALLY THE STRIPIN INDUSTRY RAKES IN A TON OF DOUGH DURING

  • THE SUPER BOWL.

  • PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT TWERK.

  • I DON'T-- I DON'T HAVE ANY SINGER ELS.

  • -- SINGLES.

  • GO AWAY.

  • AS I WAS SAYING, THE BIG GAME IS USUALLY A BOOM TIME FOR THE BOOM

  • BOOM ROOMS BUT DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, TAMPA'S STRIP CLUBS

  • HAD TO TAKE SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS LIKE ENFORCING STRICT MASK

  • RULES, HIRING EXTRA SECURITY, AND IN AN ATTEMPT TO CREATE MORE

  • SPACE FOR PATRONS, ERECTING A TENT IN THE PARKING LOT.

  • EVIDENTLY, THE PARKING LOT IS WHAT PEOPLE IN TAMPA CALL THEIR

  • PANTS.

  • THE PRECAUTIONS WEREN'T JUST LIMITED TO CUSTOMERS, THROUGHOUT

  • THE WEEKEND, DANCERS HAD THEIR TEMPERATURES CHECKED REGULARLY

  • OKAY, IT IS A GOOD IDEA BUT IT MIGHT KILL THE MOOD.

  • PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE, SHY CHEYENNE SHE IS HOT, SERIOUSLY

  • SHE HAS A RAGEK TEMPERATURE, LET'S GET HER OFF THE STAGE

  • PLEASE, ANYWAY, BACK TO THE SUPER BOWL, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T

  • MEAN TO SAY THE TRIGGER FACE THAT TIME.

  • JIMMY, CAN WE JUST KILL IT.

  • >> KILL MODE INITIATED.

  • >> Stephen: BLEERP BLORP!

  • NO, NO KILLING, GO AWAY.

  • ANYWAY, ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE BIG FOOTBALL GAME WE

  • WATCHED TONIGHT IS THE PLAYER INTRODUCTIONS WHEN ONE BY ONE WE

  • GET TO MEET THE >> PATRICK MAHOMES II, TEXAS

  • TECH UNIVERSITY.

  • DAMIEN WILLIAMS, MAYER MASON HIGH SCHOOL.

  • TYREEK HILL, PEARSON, GEORGIA.

  • SAMMY WATKINS, CLEMSON.

  • MECOLE HARDMAN, UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA.

  • TRAVIS KELCE, CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, OHIO.

  • >> Stephen: YOU SEE?

  • GREAT, YOU LEARN SO MUCH, LIKE THEIR NAME, THEIR COLLEGE, AND

  • THE MAXIMUM POSSIBLE CIRCUMFERANCE OF A HUMAN NECK.

  • BUT I REALLY FEEL LIKE THESE INTROS LACK THE PIZAZZ THAT THE

  • PLAYERS IN THE BIG GAME DESERVE.

  • AND I THOUGHT WHAT IF FAMOUS DIRECTORS SHOT THESE INSTEAD.

  • CAN YOU IMAGINE?

  • WELL, IF YOU CAN, STOP IT.

  • THIS IS TV.

  • WE DO THE IMAGINING FOR YOU.

  • JIM?

  • >> "A LATE SHOW" PRESENTS: "GREAT DIRECTORS

  • DIRECT THE PLAYER INTROS."

  • >> EVERYBODY WAS DOING PLAYER INTRODUCTIONS.

  • THERE WAS VICTOR CRUZ.

  • >> HOW YA DOIN', UMASS.

  • >> MARKUS KUHN.

  • WE CALLED HIM "THE STEAMROLLER," ON ACCOUNT OF HE'S FROM

  • MANNHEIM.

  • >> GUTEN TAG.

  • >> JONNY CASILLAS AND HIS GUYS.

  • >> UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN.

  • >> LORENZO CARTER, THE KID.

  • >> UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA.

  • >> AND THERE WAS FOLORUNSU FATUKASI, ALSO THE KID, ON

  • ACCOUNTS THAT THEY WAS BOTH THE KIDS.

  • >> UCONN.

  • >> AND BENNY TWO-TIMES, WHO GOT THAT NICKNAME 'CAUSE HE SAID

  • EVERYTHING TWICE LIKE.

  • >> NOTRE DAME, NOTRE DAME.

  • >> OBSERVE BENNETT JACKSON.

  • THE POSITION HE PLAYS IS SAFETY, BUT NOTHING CAN BE CONSIDERED

  • SAFE IN A VAST, INDIFFERENT UNIVERSE WHERE THE STARS BLINDLY

  • RUN.

  • TO CONSIDER ONESELF SAFETY IS TO LAUGH IN THE FACE OF DESTINY.

  • UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME.

  • >> LET ME TAKE A WILD GUESS, HERE.

  • YOU'RE BRETT, RIGHT?

  • >> NO, ACTUALLY.

  • I'M FOLORUNSO FATAKASI.

  • UCONN.

  • >> CHECK OUT THE BIG BRAIN ON BRETT!

  • >> DID YOU MEAN BENNET JACKSON, UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME?

  • >> I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A ( BLEEP ) THING.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> YOU WERE SAYING?

  • >> AS I WAS SAYING, I'M FOLO-- UCONN.

  • >> I'M JONATHAN CASILLAS!

  • UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN!

  • UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN!

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ALL THE FOOTBALLERS GATHERED

  • IN PREPARATION OF FOR THE FIRST OF WHAT WAS SURE TO BE MANY

  • QUARTERS.

  • THERE WAS VICTOR CRUZ, THE ENIGMATIC WIDE RECEIVER.

  • LORENZO CARTER, THE ICONOCLASTIC LINEBACKER.

  • CARTER LOVED NOTHING MORE THAN CHASING A QUARTERBACK.

  • HE HAS BEEN ONE OF THE GIANTS' GO TO PASS RUSHERS.

  • AND NEXT SEASON, HE'S HOPING TO RUSH MORE.

  • MARKUS KUHN, THE ECCENTRIC DEFENSIVE TACKLE.

  • >> I AM NOT "ECCENTRIC."

  • >> THE "DEFENSIVE" DEFENSIVE TACKLE.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> OH, HOWDY BIG FELLA!

  • MARKUS KHUN, N.C. STATE!

  • >> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

  • MY GUESTS ARE ROBERT DOWNEY JR. AND TIFFANY HADDISH.

  • BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "A LATE SHOW" COMES TO THE RESCUE OF ONE

  • SMALL BUSINESS A SUPER BUMP, STICK AROUND, A LOT MORE OF THE

  • LATE SHOW'S SUPER BOWL SPECIAL.

  • JIMMY, JIMMY, PLEASE.

  • PLEASE, I'M A MARRIED MAN.

  • I DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT.

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME TO A VERY SPECIAL LATE

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