I've always wanted to work for myself.

So I think it's time for me to quit.

I've drafted my resignation email right here.

All I've got to do is hit send.

Bro, I'm feeling it.

So I should do it, right?

Yes, just do it right now.

I am pumped up!

Hold up, let's not make any emotional decisions.

Let's, like, make a pros and cons list.

Come on, man that's no fun.

Well, I'm no fun.

Don't even entertain it playa.

It's a bad idea,

Super terrible.

You're gonna ruin your life.

Especially cause it's you making the decision.

Why are you two here?

Us? The dynamic duo? We're always here.

We don't want you here! Be gone!

(laughing)

You ain't getting rid of us that easily.

Any way... what would make the most sense is if you--

(laughing)

How can you trust this doofus?

Excuse me?

This clown, this fudge face here...

Who are you calling a fudge face?

He's an idiot.

He's dumb.

He's the guy who told you it made sense

to go to grad school and go into a bunch of debt

that you're still paying off today.

OK, yes, but--

You're never gonna have enough money.

Uh, what?

Just saying. If you leave your job to pursue your "dream,"

you're gonna end up going broke.

You're gonna lose everything.

And you're never gonna be able to recover.

You'll be a crack-head living in a cardboard box.

Your only friends will be the rats and the crack man.

But you hate this job, it's killing your soul.

Yeah, that's true too.

If you stay at this job,

you'll be miserable and hate your life

and never achieve anything that you wanted to.

You'll be a frustrated old man drinking a bottle

of Jim Beam every night,

just to wash away the regrets

of having lived a meaningless life.

Wait a second, are you now arguing for me leaving my job?

It would seem so.

So the opposite of what you were arguing 10 seconds ago.

That is correct.

Because no matter what you do, you're effed... in the A.

Let me highlight the "you" in that sentence.

Because if anyone else was doing this, they'd be fine.

But you, you're gonna screw it up... because you're you.

Hey, he's smart! He can do things!

OK, this is the guy here who made his whole office building

have to evacuate because he put aluminum foil

in the microwave.

It was a Chick-fil-A sandwich bag, OK?

I forgot that it's lined with foil.

It could have happened to anyone.

I agree, you can't do it, you're not ambitious.

That's why I broke up with you.

Why are you here?

I guess I'm just unforgettable.

Also, this is somewhat irrelevant

but no one's ever gonna love you ever again.

Okay.

You're gonna die alone.

Yeah, I get it, thank you.

Why didn't you ever go into law school like I did?

When I was your age, I already had a big house

and I was partner at a big law firm.

Dad?!

Dude, we gotta just do it.

Don't think! Just go brain dead and do it.

OK, maybe not brain dead.

Don't listen to them.

Idiot, stupid, stupid idiot.

Don't do it.

You're never get to make it.

You're gonna regret this forever.

Check out this new guy I'm dating.

Yes, just do it.

Don't do it.

Could you help me set up my Netflix this week?

I can't figure it out.

Do not send that email.

Do it.

If you send that email, your life is over.

Doneski.

(email send whoosh sound)

You mad man.

What have you done?

He did what he felt was right.

He did what was smart.

OK, well that was fun.

Let us know the next time you're making a big decision.

Yeah I--I won't.

OK, cool! See you then.

(laughing)

Don't you feel better now?

Yeah, I do.

If things go wrong, you can figure it out.

That's right.

Yeah...

Just like Biden's already figured out

how to ruin the country!

OK.

(smooth jazz music)