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  • - Chef, I'm sorry.

  • I don't know if you like the dish or not.

  • - You don't know if I like the dish or not?

  • Well, let's put it this way.

  • Pack your (bleep) knives.

  • Get out, you're off the show.

  • (upbeat music) (vocalizing)

  • ♪ I gotta say

  • ♪ I want you

  • But I don't need you

  • - [Announcer] Today, on Judge Jessie.

  • Judge Jessie turns up the heat.

  • - You signed a pice of paper, he gave you the snake,

  • then you bring a snake into the home

  • with two small chihuahuas.

  • - I had not been made aware

  • that the snake would get rid of its skin

  • and then the sprinklers came down

  • with the snake skin, ruined my carpet.

  • - [Judge] What set off the sprinklers?

  • - Unrelated popcorn fire, your honor.

  • - [Announcer] Judge Jessie.

  • As a police officer,

  • he defended the streets.

  • As a trial lawyer.

  • - Objection!

  • - He fought for the truth.

  • As a black belt.

  • (shouting)

  • He mastered discipline.

  • As a carpenter.

  • He learned the value of craftsmanship.

  • As a surgeon, he mastered a cool head.

  • As a crack ho,

  • (spitting)

  • he learned to go days without sleep.

  • And as an announcer,

  • he does the voiceover on this show.

  • Coming up on Judge Jessie.

  • Mr. Simmons, before you speak,

  • I know from experience, that the police

  • have completely mishandled your case

  • and there's legal precedent for you to win

  • and any good defense attorney would of told you that.

  • I also know that obviously the place

  • where you hurt your back

  • wasn't structurally up to code, Mr. Oyama

  • and furthermore, as a sensei,

  • you should know a man of his skill set

  • cannot do a makiage.

  • You should know that.

  • Obviously, I can tell by looking at your alignment,

  • that you've herniated a disc,

  • someplace in your L4, your L5.

  • I'm finding for the plaintiff.

  • Not $2,500.

  • $2,700, Mr. Oyama.

  • - Thank you, your honor.

  • - You're quite welcome.

  • - [Announcer] Judge Jessie.

  • - Dusty, can I suck your (bleep)?

  • (upbeat music)

  • - [Announcer] We met b-boy, Joesph, in Atlanta, GA.

  • - Hi, Joesph.

  • - What's up?

  • - Start the music.

  • (electronic dance music)

  • - Has he started yet?

  • - I'm pretty sure this is it.

  • (electronic dance music)

  • Thank you.

  • - Yeah, thank you.

  • - I aint done yet, though.

  • - Thank you, Joesph.

  • It's definitely a no for me.

  • - It's a no.

  • I'm sorry.

  • - No.

  • - All right.

  • Thank you, Joesph.

  • - Thank you.

  • - 'Cause, you know I aint got no formal training

  • or nothing like that.

  • I learned on the streets.

  • - That was very apparent,

  • as it turns out, Joesph.

  • So, thank you for coming.

  • - You know that my momma's on drugs

  • and my daddy in jail?

  • - It's not, not really relevant.

  • - Born in coffee can under a bridge?

  • - That's terrible, Joesph.

  • That, that's awful.

  • But it's not going to--

  • - My sister shot my brother while my cousin beat my uncle?

  • - Okay, now it's a lie.

  • - It's a little bit much.

  • Joesph, thank you very much, but--

  • - Put myself through school by renting my body out

  • as a heroin suitcase?

  • - All right. - Wow.

  • - I see what's going on.

  • Joesph, please, we do have other dancers

  • here today who are waiting there turn very politely.

  • No, Joesph, let her come on stage.

  • - Oh, okay. - Let her come,

  • no, Joesph.

  • - If I win this competition I can put a roof over my house,

  • 'cause I got a house that aint got no roof,

  • for real, though?

  • - Joesph.

  • - Just one little thing, though.

  • - Don't do it, Joesph.

  • - Really big, it was a loud bridge.

  • - Don't finish that sentence.

  • - I got hearing damage in this ear.

  • - Joesph!

  • - And also in this ear.

  • - Joesph!

  • - The bridge have had trucks go over it.

  • - Joesph. - Because the bridge.

  • - Keep it.

  • - 15 ton.

  • - Hold it.

  • Put it in your mouth

  • and get off my stage.

  • - Rated six.

  • - Joe.

  • - That's a big truck.

  • - Sph.

  • Okay, Joesph, please.

  • And who is this?

  • - Oh who is this right there?

  • This is my 12 year old daughter

  • who I raised all by myself without the help

  • of anybody else in the entire world,

  • she is my inspiration.

  • - Joesph, it doesn't matter, there's nothing

  • you can do or say that's going to make us change

  • our minds today.

  • - That right there, that right there,

  • that's her daughter.

  • She blind.

  • Come on.

  • So, I raised them both by myself

  • without nobody else's help.

  • - Come get your ticket to Vegas.

  • (cheering)

  • - [Judge] Oh my God, yes.

  • - Good job. - Tremendous.

  • - Can you believe it? - Did you see that?

  • - I'm getting goosies over here.

  • I'm getting goosies, I am.

  • (soft tense music)

  • - Drew, come forward.

  • - Yes, Chef.

  • This is a chicken quiche with cremini mushrooms,

  • baby spinach, and feta cheese.

  • (soft tense music)

  • - Unbelievable.

  • Walter, I have a huge problem with this dish.

  • It's that you haven't made it for me sooner.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Thank you, Chef.

  • - Because if you had, Drew,

  • then I would know how good you are at cooking food

  • that's bad.

  • (tense music)

  • - I'm sorry, Chef.

  • - And when I say bad,

  • I mean Michael Jackson Bad.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Thank you, Chef.

  • - You know how he looked really really bad

  • at the end of his life?

  • (tense music)

  • - Chef, I'm sorry.

  • I don't know if you like the dish or not.

  • - You don't know if I like the dish or not?

  • Well, let's put it this way.

  • Pack your (bleep) knives, get out,

  • you're off the show.

  • - Sorry, Chef.

  • - Because, you should be working

  • in the finest restaurants in the world.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Thank you, Chef.

  • - Just not any world that I live in.

  • (tense music)

  • - Sorry, Chef.

  • - Because frankly, Drew, I'm jealous of you.

  • - Thank you, Chef?

  • - And your ability to not give a shit

  • about what you cook.

  • (tense music)

  • This is not fit for human consumption.

  • No, this should be eaten by a higher life form

  • with a more complex palette

  • but also a altruistic drive

  • to save humanity from dishes like this.

  • Joking.

  • Not!

  • You deserve to die!

  • (screaming) (tense music)

  • (grunting) (wet crunching)

  • So you won't have to endure a life

  • in which you will never exceed

  • what you have achieved here today.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Thank you, Chef.

  • - In conclusion.

  • Uh.

  • - [Narrator] As Don's week at the warehouse was wrapping up,

  • it was time to come clean with his employees.

  • - Actually, everybody.

  • I've got an announcement to make.

  • - Don't nobody want to hear your bull (bleep), newbie.

  • - Okay. - Don't nobody want

  • to hear it!

  • - I think you will hear about this one.

  • So gather around.

  • I'm not actually a new employee.

  • - You can say that again, you a waste of space

  • as far as I'm concerned.

  • Can't get nothing done in time.

  • Like a snail over here.

  • (chuckling)

  • - I am actually President of the company.

  • You're on Undercover Boss.

  • (laughing)

  • TV show.

  • - What?

  • - In this week

  • since I've been working here amongst ya.

  • I got to hear each and every one of your stories.

  • Just about and uh--

  • - You know I was just playing right?

  • You know I was just trying

  • to lighten the mood in the workplace and what not?

  • - Thank you, Joesph.

  • Bill,

  • Buddy, you're telling me that your car broke down

  • and it hasn't been working right ever since,

  • well I want to get you a new Ford Explorer.

  • - Oh my God, thank you so much, Mark,

  • that means so much to me.

  • - My whole family died in one day.

  • - Thank you.

  • - Huge car crash. - Joesph.

  • - Huge man,

  • we were having a family picnic

  • and then this truck just came on through

  • and just killing everybody,

  • chopping everyone's heads off.

  • - Eleanore.

  • You were worried that you were not

  • gonna be able to afford college

  • for your two boys

  • and uh, I'm starting a college fund for them both,

  • I'm putting $10,000 in each one of them.

  • - This is amazing.

  • I'm so grateful.

  • - You know I can't make no family anymore

  • 'cause my dick got chopped up in an accident

  • and now I pee out the side.

  • Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night,

  • I just, I start to pee.

  • Right in my mouth.

  • - Joesph, that's.

  • - Sometimes poop come out the other side.

  • I don't even know what-- - Joesph!

  • - Dick is in eight pieces.

  • - Joesph.

  • Okay, you know.

  • - Please just give me a rise.

  • I aint asking for no kind of scholarships or nothing.

  • - Joesph, I'm gonna get,

  • I'm gonna get to you right now.

  • - Okay, did I mention I was like a prostitute

  • since the age of 17? - No, Joesph.

  • - 15. - Joesph.

  • - 10. - Joesph.

  • - Seven. - Joesph.

  • - Three, been a prostitute

  • since I was three.

  • I was a prostitute in the womb.

  • - Joesph.

  • - Dude put his pee pee in my mama

  • and it got inside of me

  • and then, and then they gave me money.

  • - Joesph.

  • - Please, man.

  • - You have been rude to me

  • since the moment I came here.

  • - Come on, man.

  • I mean I was playing with you, dog.

  • I knew you was the boss the whole time.

  • Look at this fake ass, mustache.

  • - Ow!

  • That's my real mustache, Joesph.

  • It really hurt.

  • You're fired.

  • Get out of here.

  • - I can't understand why.

  • - Get out of here.

  • - I got a rare, rare condition

  • that make me unlikeable.

  • - No you don't, Joesph.

  • - Lance, Lance, you've been in the urinal with me,

  • you've seen me in the urinal.

  • - Lance, I'm sorry, but do not engage him.

  • Joseph. - Tell him my dick in pieces.

  • - Joesph, leave Lance alone.

  • - It's true, so then give me a little bit of money.

  • - No, it's not gonna happen.

  • - Can I have a--

  • - Joesph.

  • - He did, he did.

  • - Joesph, leave Norman out of this.

  • - Who's Norman?

  • - The foreman.

  • - Norman the foreman?

  • - That's his name.

  • - I know that.

  • I work intimately with him.

  • - No, you don't.

  • You're fired.

  • - All right, I'm going.

  • - All right, out the door with you, Joesph.

  • I am sorry about that.

  • Is he gone?

  • Okay, uh.

  • Betty.

  • (somber music)

  • When you told me that your father passed away

  • it hit me because my father passed away.

  • - But my dick got chopped up, though!

  • - [Boss] Joesph!

  • - My dick got chopped up.

  • - That is so disrespectful, Joesph.

  • What are you doing?

  • I thought you left, Joesph.

  • - Like gristle off a Thanksgiving turkey.

  • - You're lying and I don't.

  • - I got a gristle dick.

  • - Joesph, that's widely inappropriate.

  • - Straight meat gristle.

  • Just hanging out here, right here, right now,

  • You can't see it.

  • - Joesph!

  • (tense music)

  • - [Narrator] Coming up.

  • - I know you have so many siblings

  • and just to know that we both share

  • a familial bond

  • and that there's nothing that can take that away.

  • - But my dick got chopped up, though.

  • - Joesph!

  • Where, how did you?

  • (tense music)

- Chef, I'm sorry.

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