I'm Pear.

- And I'm Spider Orange, wee! (laughing)

- Dude, would you watch where you're swinging?

- Sorry, didn't mean to bug you. (laughing)

- (groaning) Well, I'm glad to see you're excited

for today's episode, Orange.

- Yeah, you might say I'm really getting into

the swing of things. (laughing)

Wee!

- (groaning) I take it this means you did

the required reading for today's episode for once?

- Nah, it was too long.

- Dude, it's a comic book.

- Oh, well in that case,

it had too many pictures. (laughing)

- You didn't even open it, did you?

- No need, Pear.

I pretty much remember it from the first time

I didn't read it as a kid. (laughing)

- Oh yeah?

So what's the title?

- The uh, Annoying Spider-Man.

- Close, but also way off.

It's the Amazing Spider-man.

- We'll see about that. (laughing)

- (groaning) Great.

- Once upon a time,

there was a high school kid named Peter Parker.

Now, he wasn't exactly the coolest

or the biggest kid at school,

but he was super good at science.

How am I doing so far, Pear?

- This is actually pretty spot on.

- Told ya I remembered it.

My mind is a steel scrap.

- Uh, that's not how it--

- [Orange] One day, Peter Parker went to a science fair,

but there was no concession stand or anything.

So he got super hungry.

(stomach growling)

Finally he bit into a radioactive spider.

- [Pear] Come again?

- [Orange] He bit a radioactive spider.

- [Pear] Okay, that's what I thought you said.

See, that's not exactly--

- [Orange] And because the spider was radioactive,

Peter Parker accrued the powers of the spider.

Eight limbs, eight eyeballs,

the ability to scare people

when the bathroom light comes on.

- [Pear] Yeah, I think we're gonna need

to tap the brakes here.

Dude, those aren't the super powers he got.

- [Orange] Well sure they are.

True or false, Peter Parker got spider superpowers?

- Sure. But not those powers.

He got all the cool ones.

I mean, it's not like he suddenly

started eating flies or something.

- That's where you're wrong, mon-Pear.

He did start eating flies by the bowlful.

- [Pear] No he didn't.

Why would he do that?

Flies are a disgusting thing to eat.

- Pear, we're talking about a guy who bit a spider.

You really think he's going to be grossed out

by the thought of eating a fly?

- Good point.

- Boo yeah.

Now if you don't mind, I will continue the list

of spider powers that Peter Parker accrued.

He grew up thorax.

He lost the ability to speak.

And most importantly, he gained the ability

to shoot spider webbing out of this butt.

- [Pear] (groaning) Close enough, I guess.

- [Orange] So he went out on the town,

shooting butt webs all over the place.

He wasn't great at first,

but he got into the swing of things soon enough. (giggling)

(Pear groaning)

Oh, but here's the thing,

just as he gained the powers of a spider,

he also gained the downsides of being a spider.

- [Pear] Growing a thorax wasn't already a downside?

- [Orange] Of course not, Pear.

The thorax is a very important body part.

Plus, the ladies love it.

- [Pear] Good grave.

- [Orange] Sadly, Peter Parker got the bad spider stuff too.

Like the ability to be easily trapped under a water glass.

- [Pear] (groaning) This used to be

one of my favorite origin stories.

- [Orange] Also, he lost the ability to speak.

His brain shrunk to the size of a sesame seed,

and his lifespan reduced to approximately one to two years.

- Dude, this is the worst superhero of all time.

- What do you want from me?

The guy could have bit into a

radioactive Nobel prize winner or something,

but he opted for a dumb old spider.

Actions have consequences, Pear.

With great power comes, um, something, something, something.

- (groaning) Listen, can we just get to the part

where he fights bad guys, please?

- Sure thing.

There are no shortage of enemies,

and Peter Parker took 'em all on as Spider-Man.

There was Lizard.

- [Pear] I think you mean The Lizard, right?

- [Orange] Nah, pretty sure it's just Lizard.

Other enemies included chickadees, bluebird, trout.

- [Pear] Hold up.

These aren't Spider-man villains.

They're just--

- [Orange] Natural predators of the spider.

I know!

Don't worry Pear, I got this.

Blackbird, gecko, other spiders.

- Stop!

(record scratching)

Spider-Man did not swing around the city,

shooting webbing from his butt,

battling the natural predators of the spider.

- Well sure he did, just not for very long.

- Oh, and why's that?

Are you gonna tell me he got defeated by trout?

- [Orange] No, although trout is

a fearsome in formidable foe,

Spider-Man met his match when he got trapped

underneath a water glass.

- [Pear] Oh my gosh.

A water glass?

Come on.

At least tell me his escape

from the water glass was exciting.

- Not really. He never escaped.

He was under there awhile and, well,

you know what I was saying earlier

about his severely reduced lifespan.

- So that's it?

That's the entire story of the amazing Spider-man.

- Yep.

- What, may I ask was so so amazing

about a so-called superhero who fought a trout,

got trapped under a glass and promptly died?

How on earth did he get the title of superhero anyway?

- You're right, Pear, it defies logic.

- I'll say.

- It's incredible.

- Exactly.

One might even say it's amazing. (laughing)

- Oh my gosh.

- [Orange] The end. (laughing)

(upbeat music)