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  • - Kids are lazy.

  • That's what they think about us, you're lazy.

  • You're the lazy generation.

  • Get a job, get some money, get your own place,

  • get out of your parent's home.

  • Jesus died on the cross so he could live

  • with his dad for eternity.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Thank you, thank you, meltdown.

  • Thank you, meltdown people.

  • Come on, keep it going.

  • Those guys, come on, meltdown.

  • I'm not kidding, let's set a record tonight.

  • Don't stop clapping.

  • Let's see if you can clap for 10 straight minutes.

  • I'll just tell the jokes.

  • Don't stop clapping.

  • If you don't like a joke, verbally boo out loud.

  • But do not stop clapping.

  • Everyone watching at home hates this moment.

  • They will never know what it's like to be here.

  • And get a camera on me.

  • Stay the fuck out.

  • You stay out.

  • Stay the fuck outta here.

  • This is our time.

  • This is our time down here.

  • Get outta here, stool.

  • Get the fuck outta here.

  • Do not stop.

  • Don't you fucking stop.

  • I hope someone's just now turned into the channel.

  • They have no idea this is set up.

  • Guys, seriously.

  • I have jokes to tell.

  • I have jokes to tell.

  • I have jokes to tell.

  • I have jokes to tell.

  • Always act like the mic chord is too in the way.

  • I have jokes.

  • Guys.

  • I have jokes.

  • I seriously have them.

  • Come on.

  • Keep it going, do not stop.

  • - That's the longest applause I've ever seen.

  • - It's so great.

  • (people clapping)

  • - Are y'all serious right now?

  • Are y'all being serious right now?

  • - You wanna go out?

  • - I fucking love you guys.

  • Goodnight.

  • (people cheering)

  • You serious?

  • Are you fucking serious?

  • All right, let me do an encore, let me do an encore.

  • Sit down.

  • Sit down.

  • Sit down.

  • Keep it going, I'll try to do one joke.

  • 9/11 in Europe, do they say 11/9?

  • You know they do, and it's disrespectful.

  • You guys have been great, thank you very much.

  • I'm pro-abortion.

  • All right, shut up, that is ridiculous.

  • That is stupid.

  • Pro-abortion for one reason.

  • I honestly believe that some of those babies

  • would've grown up to be abortion doctors.

  • Just recently watched The Dark Knight again.

  • Can't all be abortion jokes.

  • We're going to go into some Batman stuff.

  • Hope that works.

  • Oh, good transish.

  • Good transish.

  • That's an industry term,

  • and if you don't know it's 'cause you have a (bleep) job.

  • Good transish.

  • Love The Dark Knight.

  • Love Batman.

  • One thing I don't get is he's kind of a dick

  • when he leaves Commissioner Gordon.

  • They're always together having a conversation.

  • He ropes him into the conversation,

  • and then he just unknowingly leaves,

  • like he can't say bye.

  • No one could know when I'm leaving.

  • No, no, I'm out of here.

  • I don't want anybody to know, I'm Batman.

  • It would be weird though if Batman

  • legitimately did say goodbye.

  • Dressed like that, just hanging out.

  • Well guys, you know me.

  • I got to get to going.

  • No, it's good seeing you.

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • No, no, it's good seeing you guys.

  • Sucks it's always in these conditions.

  • But you know, we're doing what we can.

  • I think that's one thing you can wake up in the morning

  • and pat yourself on the back about.

  • You know how many times I've shot these things

  • it doesn't grab onto anything,

  • comes right back at me.

  • Hits me in the face, I got a black eye,

  • you don't know, I wear a mask.

  • Oh, look at that, don't have to wind it back up again.

  • No, I'm gonna put it on slow.

  • I wanna finish this conversation.

  • Yeah, no, I heard that your wife was in the hospital.

  • Yeah, yeah, I got an email.

  • I got an email.

  • It's weird, I had a cousin

  • who went in for a kidney transplant,

  • which is weird.

  • Everyone's got two, you only need one.

  • I know, I'm stuck.

  • I'm snagged.

  • I'm snagged.

  • A lot of young adults in their late 20s

  • starting to live at home with mom and dad now.

  • Uh oh, epidemic sweeping the country.

  • Kids are lazy.

  • That's what they think about us.

  • You're lazy.

  • You're the lazy generation.

  • Get a job, get some money, get your own place,

  • get out of your parent's home.

  • Jesus died on the cross

  • so he could live with his dad for eternity.

  • Forever.

  • I was standing in the sex shop.

  • I was looking at the toys.

  • Just looking at the fake ass.

  • You know what I'm talking about?

  • Even if you don't know what I'm talking about,

  • you kind of know exactly what I'm talking about.

  • You know what I'm talking about,

  • it's just an ass.

  • Just a vagina and an anus.

  • That's all it is.

  • We know the deal.

  • Stared at it for five minutes

  • sizing it up.

  • At the end of five minutes I was like, you know what,

  • yes, I would have sex with that.

  • I would do that.

  • Yes, I would.

  • I would.

  • No one's ever gonna know if I did or not,

  • then yes, of course,

  • I was going to masturbate anyways.

  • Let's get some music in there, you know what I mean?

  • Hey, going down to the field?

  • Why don't you take the equipment with you?

  • Have the closest thing you can get to a sex scrimmage.

  • Guys don't know when they're gonna masturbate.

  • We don't know when we're gonna do it.

  • It just happens.

  • You'll be home, no one's there.

  • Hey, anybody here?

  • Okay.

  • Okay.

  • All guys do that before they decide

  • they're gonna masturbate.

  • (high-pitched squealing)

  • I have to, now I have to.

  • Can't do this for my whole life.

  • I gotta jerk off.

  • That's how it is, we don't know when we're gonna do it.

  • We just do it.

  • You buy that fake ass,

  • you gotta start putting a schedule together.

  • You gotta know what Tuesday looks like on Sunday.

  • You know what I mean?

  • Hey, what time you gonna be home from work again?

  • For sure?

  • For sure 4:30?