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  • (audience cheers)

  • [Conan] Wow, that's very cool.

  • Thank you.

  • (Tiger Woods chuckles)

  • Do you never get sick of it, you don't get sick of it?

  • It's nice wherever you go, people go crazy.

  • It's nice, it's nice that they are like that,

  • because I'm certainly one

  • that's not really comfortable with it.

  • Oh, you're not comfortable with it?

  • I never have been

  • Can I have it then, is that okay?

  • All you.

  • A little of the old adulation, spread it my way.

  • First of all, thank you so much for being here.

  • I touch on one area we're going to start with

  • 'cause it just happened

  • which is US lost to Europe at the Ryder Cup last weekend.

  • Tell us what happened.

  • What was your analysis of,

  • of, this seems to be a trend what's going on?

  • We got our ass kicked.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Excellent, we're moving on now.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Now one thing, no, but one thing

  • that I did want to ask about

  • was that the spectators are getting louder,

  • more raucous all the time in golf.

  • Do you think that we're headed to a point?

  • I mean, already it's changed so much in 10 years.

  • I think you've helped change this game a lot.

  • And created a lot of excitement for golf.

  • Where are we going, 10 years from now?

  • Air horns, zeppelins, explosions?

  • I mean, do you think it's gonna get out of hand?

  • No I honestly believe it's all tied into consumption.

  • Right.

  • Of their favorite beverage.

  • Right.

  • (audience chuckles)

  • Ah, that would be Pepsi.

  • Yeah.

  • Late, 'cause late in the afternoon

  • it gets a little more raucous than it is middle of the day.

  • Right, okay.

  • And so are they doing anything to sort of calm this down?

  • I mean, I don't understand how you can play

  • under the situation that you play under the way people go,

  • people are so focused on your game

  • that you're hearing all kinds of noises on your backswing.

  • Well we don't mind if it was loud all the time,

  • people screaming and yelling

  • and you had air horns going off the entire time.

  • It's fine like a football game.

  • But if it's absolutely quiet and then all of a sudden

  • you hear anything, you can hear a pin drop,

  • it does distract you.

  • Right. I mean, I grew up

  • on a military base where you had jets and planes

  • flying over and you thought nothing of it.

  • Right.

  • 'Cause you heard noise all the time.

  • So we want noise and air horns all the time from now on.

  • That's what Tiger woods is pleading for.

  • (audience applauds)

  • Now, see what you've done?

  • This is not the way to go.

  • I have a few questions.

  • First of all, I've never, is there trash,

  • 'cause trash talking is such a part of sports now.

  • Your good friend, Michael Jordan, a master of,

  • I think some, some trash talking.

  • Is there trash talking in professional golf?

  • Not like there used to be.

  • I remember- Oh there used to be?

  • Without a doubt, without a doubt.

  • Guys like, I remember being at the Masters Dinner

  • and talking to Sam Snead

  • and how Sam used to always talk trash, coming down a stretch

  • and he would try and play games with you.

  • But I thought it was cool. Right.

  • You know, golf has changed.

  • You know, we really don't do that anymore.

  • Which is, you just kind of say it under your breath.

  • (Conan chuckles) (audience chuckles)

  • Is that what you're gonna use to hit 'cause (laughs)

  • (audience chuckles)

  • Right.

  • I think, so you're just muttering a lot

  • like Popeye out there. Pretty much.

  • Yeah, it's not the same.

  • You, I believe, you know, we did a lot of research

  • for this segment.

  • For the first time I actually researched the segment.

  • So I wouldn't just be hissing at you like a cat.

  • But,

  • you, there are very, very rarely

  • is there a photograph of you, you know

  • in your private life.

  • You're you, you play-

  • That's good.

  • It is good, it is good.

  • How do you achieve that though?

  • I thought this guy must have a bat cave or a

  • (audience laughs)

  • you're like a superhero.

  • You perform these amazing feats and then you disappear.

  • And I thought he must, he's like Superman

  • you have an alter ego or you're a

  • No, I think it's one of the,

  • one of the great things that has happened is that

  • a lot of people just respect my space.

  • And they respect what I do on a golf course

  • and my private life, they respect that because

  • everyone wants to have their quiet time

  • with the family and friends. Right.

  • And I think what's been great is that

  • a lot of the fans and a lot of the media

  • have respected that, that part of my life.

  • And what I think is very, very nice of them to do that.

  • Your story is so well known and everyone knows that

  • you were interested in and excellent at golf

  • at a very early age.

  • But at the age of five, you could look

  • at someone's grip or their swing and you could analyze it

  • and break down what was wrong with it.

  • And I was thinking about the today and I thought

  • how annoying that must have been

  • for people to hear this from a five-year-old.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Did you make a lot of enemies back then?

  • I probably did.

  • I probably shouldn't have said some things that I said.

  • Like the kind of like, what are you doing there, Mr.?

  • (audience laughs)

  • Pretty much.

  • Because that's not, you gotta get our hip into it more.

  • Who is this five?

  • He's right.

  • (audience laughs)

  • You're a good friends with Charles Barkley.

  • Yeah.

  • Who likes to play golf. Mm-hmm.

  • You play golf often with Charles Barkley?

  • I do. Okay.

  • This is a deposition, I'm taking forever.

  • (audience laughs)

  • And your name is Tiger Woods, is it not?

  • Wow.

  • I'm bringing this up for a reason.

  • I was looking and a lot of people have commented

  • on Charles Barkley's golf swing

  • and we got footage of it today.

  • And I thought, can I show this to you

  • and you analyze it for us?

  • It might hurt their eyes.

  • (Conan chuckles)

  • Take a look at this and tell us

  • what the hell is going on here.

  • [Commentator] Sir Charles.

  • (Conan grunting)

  • (audience laughs)

  • What is he doing?

  • Well...

  • First of all.

  • If you, if you look at that

  • you said he's got a speech impediment.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Yeah. There's something wrong happening.

  • It also looks physically impossible.

  • He stops his swing 2/3 of the way through.

  • And starts it again.

  • And starts it again.

  • I tell you what, that's, why he's one

  • of the greatest athletes of all time, right?

  • Yeah. Yeah.

  • Cause I was looking at that, that shouldn't work.

  • That shouldn't go anywhere and

  • It doesn't.

  • (Conan laughs) (audience laughs)

  • I can't wait

  • till the phone call I get from him because of this.

  • Yeah.

  • We're on very late.

  • He might miss it.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Do you ever, this is a stupid question

  • but do you ever play mini golf?

  • (audience laughs)

  • Actually I have, yes.

  • You have play mini golf.

  • And do you get as intense when you play mini golf?

  • You saying the windmill, the speed

  • Is not.

  • It's not, it's not always cool when a five-year-old is able

  • to do better than you. Right, right, right.

  • That's just not cool. Right.

  • So you actually do get out there early and like

  • look at wait.

  • The Dragon's mouth is opening.

  • Like you're studying the mini golf course.

  • It's not quite that bad.

  • It's not that bad.

  • No.

  • It's probably pretty bad okay.

  • Let's talk about the video game.

  • This is the tiger woods PGA tour.

  • It looks like it's selling already.

  • And the cool thing about this video game is

  • that you can create your own players.

  • You can make them look like you or

  • (audience laughs)

  • Why did you gloss over that so quickly?

  • (audience laughs)

  • (Conan grunts) what you really want to do.

  • Or you can make them look

  • like a stud

  • Oh

  • (audience laughs)

  • (Conan Laughs)

  • Wow, Wow, Wow.

  • That was in the rough, that one.

  • (Tiger woods laughs) (audience laughs)

  • Well, actually to prove your point, and this is EA sports.

  • The people that make this video game actually sent over,

  • they made a, a portion of the video game.

  • That's supposed to look like me and how I would do.

  • If I shot, took a shot.

  • What my swing would look like, I guess, and how I would do.

  • And they sent this over today and I, I, we haven't

  • seen this yet, but let's take a look at this right now.

  • Tell me if you think this is accurate.

  • (seagulls cry)

  • (audience laughs)

  • What's with the,

  • (audience claps)

  • What's with the pin wheel hat?

  • (Tiger Woods laughs)

  • Wow, wow

  • Thanks a lot for the, the bad shorts, the geeky glasses

  • and the pinwheel hat.

  • You pulled it off well.

  • (laughs) It's not a terrible, terrible shot.

  • Now, you can also there, I won't mention so many golf games

  • where you can play yourself because everybody wants to

  • play Tiger Woods when they play a video game

  • and they're playing golf.

  • Have you ever played yourself?

  • And if so

  • have you gotten incredibly competitive with Tiger Woods?

  • You'll see my

  • my buddies used to play as me

  • and I usually had the pick someone else.

  • Right. But that must be very strange.

  • You should try it sometime where you just

  • are playing yourself.

  • I can't do it.

  • It just feels too weird.

  • It might be kind of kinky.

  • (Tiger Woods laughs) (audience laughs)

  • Lets move on.

  • That got weird

  • Tiger woods.

  • PGA tour 2005 is in stores right now.

  • And this has really been a thrill for us.

  • Thank you so much.

  • Thank you so much for having me.

  • (audience applauds)

  • Tiger Woods, I am going to take a break, be right back.

(audience cheers)

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