That's not for us.

No!

Idiot.

No. Come on, up your game.

No, nobody cares about produce.

You know what? Send me that link.

(upbeat music)

- This is a candle and this is flash cotton. Here we go.

(fire hissing)

(audience laughing)

- Did that limey kid say flash cotton?

You mean to tell me there's an extremely flammable substance

that I have not gotten to play with yet? (laughs)

Unacceptable.

(audience laughing)

Guys, flash cotton's here.

- [Employee] What is it?

- (laughs) What is it? You're gonna feel what it is.

(fire hissing)

- Think you sat in some.

- Ah!

(fire hissing)

You know what will make this dry faster?

(employee screaming)

All right, you guys keep working.

I'm gonna get rid of this helicopter

so our enemies can't steal our stealth technology.

(fire crackling)

(explosion rumbling)

- Thanks for the joint Daniel.

(audience laughing)

- It's scary, isn't it?

Somebody go grab my lucky wooden dick.

(explosion rumbling)

The problem with baked potatoes

is nobody has 11 minutes to microwave them.

(explosion rumbles)

(audience laughing)

It's ready!

(audience laughing)

Guys, it's our constitutional right

to be able to burn the flag,

and thanks to flash cotton, we can do it much quicker,

so it's way less disrespectful.

(fire crackling)

All right, somebody bring me the AIDS Quilt.

Okay, it's time for the wave.

(fire crackling)

(audience laughing)

(employee yelping)

(audience laughing)

What's the worst that could happen?

(fire crackling)

(Daniel screaming)

A lot of hair is burnt.

No more pubes.

The stench of burnt pubes in our writer's room

was slightly more intense than usual that day.

(energetic music)

- [Participant] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

(audience laughing)

(everyone cheering)

- [Participant] Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- [Audience] Ah!

- He did the trick. Now give him the mackerel.

What kind of weird fat guy instincts made his arms do that?

(audience laughing)

Leave his body there as a warning

to the other walrus people.

Those were Tough Mudder races where

CrossFitters take a day off from their cult

to play in the mud.

I'd love my staff to get some exercise,

but mud is dirty and I don't want them

tracking it into our office.

Besides, if you want to motivate the lard asses

that work for me, you gotta go pure butter.

(dramatic music)

It is I, the imperial butter king!

Welcome!

(participants cheering)

Silence!

Let the 2015 Tough Butter

begin!

I do not have enough butter.

Beat the course record, I dare you.

(spray can hissing)

Hurry, there's no margarine for error.

Don't spread yourself too thin.

(bell rings)

Feel the churn.

This is butter chaos.

There are easier ways to get a pat on the back. Butter.

Know where your bread is buttered.

It's a salt and buttery.

Time! I will see you all next year at a nutter butter.

That whole bit was based on a pun. Nailed it!

(audience laughing)

(energetic music)

I went all out and forced my staff

to pound bananas and Sprite while riding

the most unsafe carnival scrambler ride

that I could rent for under five grand,

not including cleanup, in this week's "Web Regurgitation."

(upbeat music)

Step right up, step right up.

Let's toss your bile in "Tosh.0" style on the Hurl-A-Whirl,

the only ride where concessions are mandatory.

Let's get your ticket here.

Ooh, we got a pregnant lady. Enjoy the ride, youngster.

Did everybody visit the bananas and Sprite stand?

(passengers cheering)

Alrighty, kids. You wait your turn.

How far along are ya?

(laughs) I don't care. Let's get you in there.

Let's get you in there. Let's get you in there.

Let's get you in there. That should be good.

Oh, this is gonna be delightful.

All right. The ride doesn't stop till everyone pops.

The first one to blow-

All right, you get it.

Eat your bananas. We're gonna all throw up.

♪ Oh we're gonna have a banana ♪

(jaunty music)

And now it's time to obey your thirst.

(audience laughing)

(jaunty music)

This is only level one.

Let's kick it up to the adult setting.

(ride whirring)

Free refills!

(jaunty music)

(passenger retching)

We got a puker everyone! We got a puker.

(ride whirring)

Oh, I'm not happy about this!

(ride whirring)

(passengers retching)

(Daniel retching)

(passengers retching)

All right, there's nobody waiting.

What do you say? One more time!

(passengers cheer)

(passengers retching)

Okay, there we go, my friend.

Good job. Good job.

Let me get your safety.

There you go.

(passenger retching)

Okay, well, I thought you were taking a header. (laughs)

That's fine.

(applauding)

(jaunty music)

That was so fun.

But, remember, you should absolutely not film yourself

doing the Sprite banana challenge

at amusement parks this summer.

That would be totally irresponsible.

(audience laughing)

(energetic music)

(audience laughing)

They can't all be Air Bud.

Hey dip (beep), maybe if you'd quit feeding your dog tacos,

he'd have better eyesight.

My insensitive staff found this video hysterical.

It's animal cruelty, as far as I'm concerned.

So I challenged them to see if they could do any better.

(energetic music)

(audience laughing)

(magazine thwapping)

(audience laughing)

(audience applauding)

(audience laughing)

(employee gagging)

(audience laughing)

(lips smooching)

(audience laughs)

(energetic music)

Whenever someone pitches a joke that I don't like,

they have to get up on the table,

and dance their heart out for one minute.

And there's one writer who gets particularly

upset whenever he has to do this.

And for good reason, he appears to have scoliosis,

or rickets, possibly both.

Who wrote, "My God, right in the head?"

- That was me.

- All right. That's not even a joke.

Get on the table. Three, two, one.

(feet tapping)

(audience laughing)

Your girlfriend is a lucky woman.

- Yeah.

(everyone laughing)

- I am sure you all agree that was painful.

I felt so bad for him and his family

that I hired a new writer named Chris

just to help him get his groove back.

No, (laughs) I'm sorry. You know the rules.

(beep) you, that was funny.

(audience laughing)

(energetic music)

Now you try.

(audience laughing)

(employees applauding)

(energetic music)

That sweet old lady with a camel toe is Joanna

and she is the genius behind the world's only

horse inspired workout, Prancercise LLC.

(audience laughing)

(dramatic music)

Well, howdy Prancercising princess.

- Howdy Daniel. Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. I appreciate you coming.

My season starts in three days

and I need to get in tip top shape.

- Well Prancercise is the answer.

I'm telling you Daniel. There's nothing like it.

- I only got three days.

So I think I'm gonna need larger weights.

Is Prancercising based on your love for horses?

- What's not to love?

Strength, endurance, and vegetarians.

- What's the best music to Prancercise to?

- I love Motown.

(upbeat music)

Do the Prancercise walk first.

From side to side. Let's go.

- I'm ready to pick up the pace.

- All right. The next mode is the trot.

(man grunting)

- Don't sneak up on someone Prancercising.

- The trot is similar to the walk.

- Everyone should be Prancercising.

Guys, if you don't Prancercise, you're Prancerfired.

(feet tapping)

(employee groans)

Thank you! My body feels incredible Prancercise lady.

- Remember Daniel, keep on prancing.

(wings flapping)

Keep prancing. Keep on prancing.

Keep on prancing.

(energetic music)

(ball thudding)

- [Soccer Player] Do it again! One more!

- [Soccer Player] Bucket!

(everyone cheering)

- Is it over? I refuse to watch soccer.

(audience laughing)

I have a similar pre-show routine with gum.

We've never made it all the way around,

but we're getting close.

All right, which side do we want me to start on?

(Daniel spitting)

Ah, not supposed to chew it.

(Daniel spitting)

Are you purposely sabotaging this?

(Daniel spitting)

- Oh, it's so wet.

(Daniel spitting)

(Daniel groaning)

Oh, (beep).

- You gotta spit it back!

- It went in my mouth. I didn't think it would.

First time I'm good at anything.

- Just to be clear, the whole point of that bit,

was to spit wads of gum on him.

(audience laughing)

(energetic music)

Most of the people who work for me

are either overweight or have terrible diets.

I decided the best way to fix their eating habits

would be to secretly replace their snacks

with various poisons until those freeloading animals

were too afraid to eat anything at all.

(audience laughing)

The first thing I did was I set up a hidden camera

in our kitchen, put out some fancy dog treats, okay?

My staff will eat anything

if you set it out on a nice plate.

(audience laughing)

Everyone's eyeballing it.