Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • - We're never gonna use that on the show.

  • That's not for us.

  • No!

  • Idiot.

  • No. Come on, up your game.

  • No, nobody cares about produce.

  • You know what? Send me that link.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - This is a candle and this is flash cotton. Here we go.

  • (fire hissing)

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Did that limey kid say flash cotton?

  • You mean to tell me there's an extremely flammable substance

  • that I have not gotten to play with yet? (laughs)

  • Unacceptable.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Guys, flash cotton's here.

  • - [Employee] What is it?

  • - (laughs) What is it? You're gonna feel what it is.

  • (fire hissing)

  • - Think you sat in some.

  • - Ah!

  • (fire hissing)

  • You know what will make this dry faster?

  • (employee screaming)

  • All right, you guys keep working.

  • I'm gonna get rid of this helicopter

  • so our enemies can't steal our stealth technology.

  • (fire crackling)

  • (explosion rumbling)

  • - Thanks for the joint Daniel.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - It's scary, isn't it?

  • Somebody go grab my lucky wooden dick.

  • (explosion rumbling)

  • The problem with baked potatoes

  • is nobody has 11 minutes to microwave them.

  • (explosion rumbles)

  • (audience laughing)

  • It's ready!

  • (audience laughing)

  • Guys, it's our constitutional right

  • to be able to burn the flag,

  • and thanks to flash cotton, we can do it much quicker,

  • so it's way less disrespectful.

  • (fire crackling)

  • All right, somebody bring me the AIDS Quilt.

  • Okay, it's time for the wave.

  • (fire crackling)

  • (audience laughing)

  • (employee yelping)

  • (audience laughing)

  • What's the worst that could happen?

  • (fire crackling)

  • (Daniel screaming)

  • A lot of hair is burnt.

  • No more pubes.

  • The stench of burnt pubes in our writer's room

  • was slightly more intense than usual that day.

  • (energetic music)

  • - [Participant] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

  • (audience laughing)

  • (everyone cheering)

  • - [Participant] Whoa, whoa, whoa!

  • - [Audience] Ah!

  • - He did the trick. Now give him the mackerel.

  • What kind of weird fat guy instincts made his arms do that?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Leave his body there as a warning

  • to the other walrus people.

  • Those were Tough Mudder races where

  • CrossFitters take a day off from their cult

  • to play in the mud.

  • I'd love my staff to get some exercise,

  • but mud is dirty and I don't want them

  • tracking it into our office.

  • Besides, if you want to motivate the lard asses

  • that work for me, you gotta go pure butter.

  • (dramatic music)

  • It is I, the imperial butter king!

  • Welcome!

  • (participants cheering)

  • Silence!

  • Let the 2015 Tough Butter

  • begin!

  • I do not have enough butter.

  • Beat the course record, I dare you.

  • (spray can hissing)

  • Hurry, there's no margarine for error.

  • Don't spread yourself too thin.

  • (bell rings)

  • Feel the churn.

  • This is butter chaos.

  • There are easier ways to get a pat on the back. Butter.

  • Know where your bread is buttered.

  • It's a salt and buttery.

  • Time! I will see you all next year at a nutter butter.

  • That whole bit was based on a pun. Nailed it!

  • (audience laughing)

  • (energetic music)

  • I went all out and forced my staff

  • to pound bananas and Sprite while riding

  • the most unsafe carnival scrambler ride

  • that I could rent for under five grand,

  • not including cleanup, in this week's "Web Regurgitation."

  • (upbeat music)

  • Step right up, step right up.

  • Let's toss your bile in "Tosh.0" style on the Hurl-A-Whirl,

  • the only ride where concessions are mandatory.

  • Let's get your ticket here.

  • Ooh, we got a pregnant lady. Enjoy the ride, youngster.

  • Did everybody visit the bananas and Sprite stand?

  • (passengers cheering)

  • Alrighty, kids. You wait your turn.

  • How far along are ya?

  • (laughs) I don't care. Let's get you in there.

  • Let's get you in there. Let's get you in there.

  • Let's get you in there. That should be good.

  • Oh, this is gonna be delightful.

  • All right. The ride doesn't stop till everyone pops.

  • The first one to blow-

  • All right, you get it.

  • Eat your bananas. We're gonna all throw up.

  • Oh we're gonna have a banana

  • (jaunty music)

  • And now it's time to obey your thirst.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (jaunty music)

  • This is only level one.

  • Let's kick it up to the adult setting.

  • (ride whirring)

  • Free refills!

  • (jaunty music)

  • (passenger retching)

  • We got a puker everyone! We got a puker.

  • (ride whirring)

  • Oh, I'm not happy about this!

  • (ride whirring)

  • (passengers retching)

  • (Daniel retching)

  • (passengers retching)

  • All right, there's nobody waiting.

  • What do you say? One more time!

  • (passengers cheer)

  • (passengers retching)

  • Okay, there we go, my friend.

  • Good job. Good job.

  • Let me get your safety.

  • There you go.

  • (passenger retching)

  • Okay, well, I thought you were taking a header. (laughs)

  • That's fine.

  • (applauding)

  • (jaunty music)

  • That was so fun.

  • But, remember, you should absolutely not film yourself

  • doing the Sprite banana challenge

  • at amusement parks this summer.

  • That would be totally irresponsible.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (energetic music)

  • (audience laughing)

  • They can't all be Air Bud.

  • Hey dip (beep), maybe if you'd quit feeding your dog tacos,

  • he'd have better eyesight.

  • My insensitive staff found this video hysterical.

  • It's animal cruelty, as far as I'm concerned.

  • So I challenged them to see if they could do any better.

  • (energetic music)

  • (audience laughing)

  • (magazine thwapping)

  • (audience laughing)

  • (audience applauding)

  • (audience laughing)

  • (employee gagging)

  • (audience laughing)

  • (lips smooching)

  • (audience laughs)

  • (energetic music)

  • Whenever someone pitches a joke that I don't like,

  • they have to get up on the table,