And this is the story of how I used to be a one pump chunk That was me finishing.

So, you know, through the years I've had some funny sex stories, but I think the best ones are the ones where I've gotten a little bit too excited before.

Literally any touching took place, So just give you like a backstory.

I'm from Ohio.

My dad was super Catholic, super religious.

So sex is the king all be all sin.

We never talked about it.

He never gave me the talk like, don't have sex.

Was the talk so fast?

Forward to middle school?

All my friends were telling me how they watched porn and beat their meat three times a day.

And they're like, You do that too?

Yeah, and I'm like, Yeah, man, Dude is crazy, like, all day, every day, all night, dude.

But in reality, I'd never even done that.

I've never watched porn because I didn't have a computer that had Internet, so didn't know what porn Waas didn't know.

What?

Jerking off waas Super Catholic.

That's, you know, the basis of my sexual education and then fast forward to high school senior year.

I like this growing.

All these kids were hooking up and I'd never done anything before.

And we're over at her house when her parents were in the other room.

So I was really nervous.

And I knew we were gonna, like, do stuff.

And guys keep in mind.

Like when I was, you know, in these hook up stages, I was nervous to the point where, like, my legs were shaking and like my body heat would go down, I would get freezing and just be so fucking nervous to hang out with Girls were sitting there on the couch, making out and watching TV, and then she's reaching her hands down my pants.

I'm like, Oh, God through this is fucking crazy.

Like I'm, like, trying to clinch my legs together, something so she doesn't like I don't blow.

Then she lip dude fuck, man, She literally guys, I'm not even kidding you.

She puts her hand toe go in my pants, doesn't even go in my pants.

Oh, God.

It's gonna happen is gonna happen.

She's getting reaching down there.

And I'm like, I stopped her and I literally I creamed my pants, man.

Cream.

A big load.

How does that?

I wasn't even touched.

I pulled her hand back.

I'm like, I gotta go to the bathroom, so I run into her bathroom.

Dad's in the other fucking room.

Like what if there's like, a load on my shorts?

I pulled down my pants.

There it is, man.

You guys know what it looks like?

I drive Kleenex.

I rub this stuff off.

It's still a little moist and shit, and I'm like, walking out there.

It's like, I get back in the room, shut the door, and I'm like, Where were we?

How we doing?

You know, you're readyto last, and she was like, she had no idea, right?

She didn't have any idea that I blew my load.

Well, maybe she did.

I don't know if you're watching this comment down below, but we start going at it again.

I'm like, Dude, I've never liked busted a nut twice and like, you know, back to back.

That's not possible.

Like you need to have that refractory period.

You know what I'm saying, E?

Nope.

Start making out again.

Hand goes down there and your boy just blew his load keep in mind.

I'm not even talking sex like I wasn't bringing a condom over anything.

I'm just trying to get my first BJ.

Alright?

And plus, yeah, I satisfied her.

We'll get that out of the way.

I didn't want to get satisfied.

Clearly, I'm scarred for life.

I'm like Dad.

Fuck you.

You need to tell me about this shit.

So I stopped her, called the night short, and that was the end of that.

We never actually know what I actually ended up one time getting that that b j don't know why that fucking matters.

I don't know, but anyways, the story does not end there.

So I wanted to lose my virginity, this chick, but she didn't want to do it, so I was like, All right, I'm going to college.

Graduated high school, Virgin.

I've seen the movies.

I know what happens in college.

Everyone just Fox.

So I hit up this girl in my neighborhood, right?

She was the great below me, and I was like, Hey, look, I'm going to college this year.

You're a virgin.

I'm a virgin.

How about we don't be virgins and she's like, I'm down?

Obviously we're both very nervous.

Me especially nervous because I'm the one pump chump without even doing a pump.

So I have her over.

I think it was after school one day, and we're in the basement, right?

I pull out the condom, I put the condom on, I go and we're going to hook up and stuff, and I put it in, and she's like, Oh, e like, what's wrong?

What's wrong?

She's like, It hurts.

It hurts.

Okay, let me pull it out.

Pull it out, Dude, My fuckin to you.

I pulled it out and I fucking finished in the condom.

Like how the fuck, bro?

I put it in one fucking time one time, like there was no foreplay.

Like we're going straight to sex, man.

We didn't even really make out and shit were so nervous.

So I'm like, Oh, it hurt.

Maybe we should wait till next time.

Let's let's just take our time.

Like we don't have to hurry, you know, we have all summer.

She's like, Yeah, that's cool.

OK, so we sat there, we watched the movie, So there we go, uh, to hook up.

Another time.

She picked me up in her car and we, like, drove to this dark ass street.

And I didn't last long yet again.

Uh, that continued several several times.

I would love to have her on here, actually to tell her story because I feel like I gave her the worst sex of her life.

But then we end up going to the same college.

Then all through college we would hook up and I started to get better, But I still sucked.

So later in college, I'm on tinder, I'm swiping away.

I'm trying to get my body counter e meet this girl and I went to hook up with her.

The same fucking thing happened.

It was like a three pump chump this time.

And she was like, Are you fucking kidding me?

Like that's it.

Um, I'm sorry.

Like I don't know what to tell you.

This has never happened before.

She literally told me to fucking leave.

And that's what I was afraid of.

And for you girl that did that.

Fuck you.

Because guys are insecure about that shit, okay?

And they sit there, and sometimes they cry at home by themselves with their dick in their hand because they're like Why won't I fucking last long?

Fuck you.

Then fast forward.

Through college, I moved to Los Angeles, where there's a plethora of good looking females here.

And I wasn't worried about what people would think of me.

I think I got, like, a fresh start, and I got confidence in myself.

And I'm like, Okay, cool.

No one here is gonna judge me like there's hope for you guys.

If you if you're a one pump chump like I was, you know, just just breathe is not like the end of the world that you don't last long, but to wrap things up, I actually it was maybe a year or two ago I got a Venmo request, and I don't really use Venmo much.

I was like, It was from the girl that I lost her virginity to.

It requested $50.

And then it said What for?

And it said, taking my virginity All I was worth was $50.

12 I didn't pay it because that's prostitution.