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  • I got that dog lightning in a bottle blip.

  • That's crazy, son.

  • All it does is this thing.

  • E Got it, E Levi.

  • Man, this is 1 $10 on this Scratch off, honey.

  • Yeah.

  • Quit pulling my dead.

  • What?

  • Come up in here.

  • Lying to me?

  • I ain't buying it.

  • You pulling my dick?

  • First of all, I ain't lying to you.

  • And second of all, that's not the phrase Come up in here.

  • Piss on my dick.

  • Tell me it's raining.

  • Piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.

  • Now you're gonna piss and pull on my dick.

  • Come on.

  • Do you understand?

  • You got all your wrongs.

  • No, actually, you got it wrong.

  • Yeah, Yeah.

  • See, you ain't even got a dick to stand on it.

  • Okay, okay.

  • Let me ask you a question.

  • What do you call those old plastic building blocks?

  • What, you mean Biko's name?

  • A famous comic strip detective leg?

  • Tracy, what's with questions, man?

  • Do you know the name of a giant cartoon rooster?

  • Foghorn dick horn.

  • Okay, you're done.

  • You done give that Mhm.

  • All right, You just gotta You gotta leave now just cause I got a dick up on you.

  • I'm elected to marijuana.

  • This weed is mad Tight Yeah, man, I'm super high dog Hey, yo, let me ask you a question on the rial.

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah, Go ahead, Ben.

  • Hey, man, where my Dukie go?

  • Mhm.

  • Oh, what my Dukie?

  • Where do we go?

  • It go down in the toilet, You know that?

  • No, man, I ain't stupid.

  • Where do we go after that compartment?

  • Quit playing.

  • I don't know.

  • It goes down the sewer, You know, Everybody go down there.

  • Yeah, everybody's duke.

  • It goes down in the sewer where my Dukie go After that, that washes out to the ocean, I guess.

  • Hold up, Hold up.

  • Dolphins swim with my Dukie.

  • I don't know, man.

  • I mean, I don't I really don't know we're in the ocean.

  • Yep.

  • What happens to the Dukie?

  • I'm just taking a stab like a wild guess.

  • Alright that the Dukie like probably go up in the air and, like, evaporates and then turns into the cloud A Dukie cloud.

  • Oh, this everybody's Dukie mix up goes up in the cloud and then the rains down.

  • That's gangster.

  • Just can we stop talking about duty right now?

  • I just thought of something.

  • Yes.

  • What is it?

  • What is it, Levi?

  • The pieces of my Dukie.

  • Yep.

  • Falls on the ground.

  • That's true.

  • Yep.

  • And becomes a plan.

  • Okay.

  • Okay, that's good.

  • Now we're done with the duke.

  • You talk right.

  • Dukie plan that reaches towards the sky.

  • Wow.

  • Hey said, Yeah, Lever.

  • If my Dukie could make it out of the hood, maybe we can sue.

  • Uh huh.

  • Maybe Maybe Levi.

  • Okay.

  • You hungry?

  • E?

  • Yeah, man.

  • Um what you want pizza?

  • Chinese killed that noise, man.

  • I got a rather to we.

  • Oh, that's a wrap, dude.

  • All right.

  • Ain't that's a writer to yo Rather to you go make my man a sandwich.

  • Yeah.

  • So, what you got?

  • What?

  • The sign you let a rat up in your house?

  • What is me?

  • I don't know what to say, man.

  • I got a writer.

  • Toyman.

  • He is chef, just like you know all that movies, man.

  • No, no.

  • Hey, there's only there's only one movie, Levi, all right?

  • And he's not a rather to it.

  • He's a rat.

  • And his name is Remmy.

  • Potato, potato, potato.

  • I got myself a rather to eat.

  • That's all I know.

  • order up.

  • Damn!

  • Come on, Levi Walla, Leave.

  • I look at this thing, man.

  • You see?

  • It got bite marks all over it.

  • Any good chef has to taste his creation.

  • That's rap.

  • Uh huh.

  • On the sandwich.

  • He didn't make a sandwich, though.

  • Hell, no.

  • I'm out.

  • My dude, You need help.

  • Oh, well, gratitude.

  • We?

  • Another negative review.

  • Maybe you wanted Charlotte's Web.

  • Oh, Oh, please don't say anything.

  • Please, just keep it to yourself.

  • Whatever.

  • Oh, thought you had an idea.

  • I do.

  • We need to make an album, like for a smartphone.

  • An app that all the people could download.

  • And then we make million's.

  • It's just hard to come up with men.

  • It's like catching lightning in a bottle.

  • I already got that.

  • You got what?

  • Lightning in a bottle.

  • Really?

  • What's the idea?

  • No, no idea.

  • I got actual lightning in a bottle.

  • No, Levi, that's just a phrase.

  • I got that dog lightning in a bottle blip.

  • That's crazy, son.

  • Would you get that some old Chinese man something to me years ago?

  • E.

  • I mean, that's some supernatural man, man.

  • All that does is this e e got it.

  • My seriously man, would it be like a app that reminds you when your favorite television shows a wrong?

  • No way.

  • Got to address this crazy ass bottle that you got.

  • What?

  • A bottle.

  • What bottle?

  • Your bottle gripped the lightning in it.

  • You still on that?

  • Yes.

  • How does it work?

  • Subject?

  • I don't know.

  • It's the classic lightning in the bottle Guy Classic.

  • Look, you just open your life, blended.

  • Okay?

  • You know what?

  • You shouldn't have this.

  • This belongs to the military or something.

  • But that happened.

  • Oh, no.

  • We don't need the app.

  • You've got the goose that laid the golden egg.

  • How do you know about honkers?

  • What?

  • This Mother Aucas, get in on this app idea.

  • You like it?

  • You like it?

  • Yeah, He got a goddamn golden hair honkers.

  • Here is the cat's pajamas.

  • No, please don't.

  • Don't.

  • I want to show you some.

  • Whatever it is.

  • I don't want to see it.

  • It's relevant.

  • I already know what it is.

  • It ain't what you think.

  • Well, what I think it is, it's a pair of cats.

  • Pajamas, thes air for honkers toe wear.

  • But what?

  • The little neck in there?

  • The neck.

  • How you gonna fit his head.

  • Do this with orange bump.

  • I'm gonna have to ask you about three miles.

  • Why?

  • Because you're disrespected my roommate.

  • Okay, Okay.

  • It's clear that this is a crazy house, so I gotta go.

  • You over here talking about geese, golden eggs and free line sleepwear.

  • Oh, man.

  • Cedric, you need to get off your high horse, man.

  • E.

  • I just thought of a name for you.

  • High horse.

  • Okay, E Oh, There you are, sir.

  • Jake.

  • What's up, dude?

  • Tis well, Cedric tas Well, you can ask you a question, man.

  • Um, why the hell are you dressed like this?

  • And what the hell did you do to your bike?

  • You want her?

  • I'm steampunk now.

  • Yeah, I don't know what that is, man.

  • Jules Verne e.

  • I seriously think that you have cracked, man.

  • All right?

  • Like like in your mind.

  • Nah, I ain't cracked up.

  • I live in a clock now.

  • This is umbrellas and blimps.

  • You're wearing a top hat with a door on it.

  • I'm just a nil last Lemony Snicket up in this bitch.

  • But you, what's with you was with me.

  • I'll tell you what I'm I'm a alas, normal mother who've been waiting for his friend for hour and 10 minutes underneath a goddamn bridge with two homeless Put chance.

  • Good.

  • Sir, could you point me in the direction of the nearest apothecary?

  • If you're talking about the drug store is right there on the corner.

  • What time does it close?

  • It closes at 10 o'clock, man.

  • You've been there a million times.

  • Mm.

  • I'll check.

  • Just to be sure, make sure it's still open.

  • I'm telling you, Levi, if you put that piece of pipe up till I use it as a telescope, I cannot be your friend anymore.

  • This is?

  • Yep.

  • Still open.

  • All right, I have to go, then.

  • So you try it.

  • No, no, I'm not gonna try it because it's a piece of pipe and it doesn't have any lenses in it.

  • Therefore, it's not a telescope.

  • Yes, but how could you be sure?

  • Science, I'm gonna look through this piece of pipe.

  • And if it doesn't work like a telescope, then we finally done, man, like not homies anymore.

  • We're done.

  • Oh, Cedric.

  • Why?

  • What you think in a million years that would actually work.

  • Subject Assistant.

  • You look so ridiculous right now.

  • I look Oh, say goodbye, Writer to we What?

  • What is that?

I got that dog lightning in a bottle blip.

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Key & Peele Presents: The Best of Levi and Cedric

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/27
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