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  • (upbeat electronic music)

  • - I came across a very short video

  • that has more questions than answers.

  • But if I know teen girls, and trust me,

  • I know teen girls real well, (audience laughs)

  • whatever this girl's upset about is dumb.

  • - Well, it's been a great day today.

  • Can't wait for more. (cries)

  • - That's it!

  • (audience laughs)

  • - Well, it's been a great day today.

  • Can't wait for more. (cries)

  • - Chin up, little cowgirl!

  • There's a whole lotta shitty life ahead of ya.

  • (audience laughs)

  • As a fellow millennial, I know what you're going through.

  • And I can help.

  • Everyone, repeat after me.

  • I am a beautiful, confident girl.

  • - [Audience] I am a beautiful, confident girl.

  • - Blossoming into womanhood.

  • - [Audience] Blossoming into womanhood.

  • - This is something to be celebrated.

  • - [Audience] This is something to be celebrated.

  • - Blessed be the fruit.

  • - [Audience] Under his eye.

  • (upbeat electronic music)

  • - Lonnie, who is he, and why do we care about him?

  • - This is Lonnie, okay?

  • And I'm gonna show you my battle cry.

  • Now people call it the battle cry, the warrior cry,

  • the bird call, the noise, the telephone.

  • It's like so many different things

  • that they can call it,

  • but I call it the battle cry.

  • This is what it is.

  • (boy screeches)

  • - Can you feel your ovaries throbbing, ladies?

  • (audience laughs)

  • - Now the battle cry, if you can replicate it,

  • leave a video response below.

  • It's very simple.

  • You make a high pitched noise and then you,

  • oh God what it is,

  • then you wiggle your tongue.

  • - Lonnie posted that seven years ago,

  • and I've been working on replicating the noise

  • every day since,

  • and tonight I'm finally ready to make my video response.

  • Oh God.

  • Wiggle my tongue?

  • Okay. (audience laughs)

  • All right, here goes.

  • Bark.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Bark.

  • (audience laughs)

  • (upbeat electronic music)

  • (women weeping)

  • - So you can see this activity is sliding off to the east.

  • We do expect to see some very heavy rain at times,

  • and it is gonna,

  • I am so sorry.

  • - Oh, we got a sad front movin' in.

  • (audience laughs)

  • - For Schuylkill County, and that is gonna be until 5:30

  • (sniffs) this evening.

  • - Chance of precipitation from her eyeballs

  • is at 100%.

  • - I'll tell you what we're gonna do here.

  • This is Amanda's last 4:00 newscast.

  • She's moving home to North Carolina.

  • We're all gonna miss you.

  • - It's healthy to be in touch with your emotions.

  • Don't bottle up your feelings, even at work.

  • Let 'em out.

  • It's okay to cry, it's okay to laugh.

  • Hell, it's okay to laugh at someone crying.

  • (audience laughs)

  • - [Camera Woman] This is a gift that's been hiding

  • in plain sight for a while.

  • - Oh, is this my watch?

  • Really?

  • What?

  • Are you serious?

  • Are you serious?

  • - [Camera Woman] What does that say, babe?

  • What is that?

  • (man weeps)

  • - You know there's pee on that thing, right?

  • (audience laughs)

  • - Oh my God. (weeping)

  • - Is he sad he didn't get an Apple watch?

  • (audience laughs)

  • All right, that might be too emotional.

  • Now, this has got to be the most adorable crying video

  • of all time.

  • - [Interviewer] Andrew,

  • are you excited for pre-kindergarten?

  • - Yes!

  • - Why?

  • - I dunno.

  • - Are you gonna miss your mom?

  • - No.

  • - No? (laughs)

  • (laughing and crying)

  • - [Audience] Aww.

  • - Oh, don't cry, aww.

  • - He expressed every emotion a human is capable of

  • feeling in the span of one second.

  • (boy laughing and crying)

  • - Oh, don't cry.

  • - Nothing's wrong with being a momma's boy.

  • I hate that I live so far away from my mom.

  • (audience laughs)

  • But you're out of your mind

  • if you don't think I'm gonna use my TV show

  • to meet that kid.

  • Totally freakin' out

  • about the first day of school right now.

  • Gonna miss my mom so bad.

  • Do you wanna know what I got you?

  • - Yes.

  • - It's a lunchbox so you can always see your mom

  • and have lunch with her.

  • Say hi.

  • - Hi, Mom.

  • - Hi, Andrew.

  • I miss you, Papi.

  • - [Audience] Aww.

  • (boy whimpers)

  • - Tell your mom, say hi.

  • (boy whimpers)

  • Don't cry.

  • It's just a lunchbox.

  • She's not actually in there.

  • (audience laughing)

  • He might just be a cry baby.

(upbeat electronic music)

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Top 3 Tearjerkers - Tosh.0

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/27
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