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  • If somebody tried to get in a fight in my house

  • and started breaking stuff,

  • I would, "Ladies, let's get in formation,

  • and kill some people."

  • And they would run into that shelf,

  • and one of the Barbies would fall,

  • And I would like...

  • And just like cartwheel across the room

  • and (beep)ing, snap necks.

  • Hi, it's Trixie Mattel.

  • And I'm Katya.

  • And we are two queens who like to watch.

  • And today we're watching some

  • of the best fights from Cobra Kai.

  • Do you know what karate means?

  • No.

  • "Empty hand."

  • Really?

  • My dad's a karate master, like legit.

  • But you skimmed a little info off the top.

  • You skimmed it, you didn't read it.

  • No, I did the whole thing.

  • I was one step before a black belt.

  • That is so your vibe.

  • Like, committing to the point where it might mean something,

  • and then you're like, "Mmm..."

  • And then, "Peace."

  • Spoilers ahead.

  • There is karate, but there is so much more.

  • You know what the best thing about doing karate was?

  • Tell me.

  • Seeing adult males nude in the locker room.

  • The first time I walked into the locker room,

  • I was confronted with a hairy, adult naked male.

  • And I saw his (beep) and balls, right in front of me.

  • And I thought, "Wow."

  • "Oh, wow."

  • Was it your dad?

  • No.

  • We're starting with a flashback to the original fight

  • that caused all this trauma for Mr. Lawrence.

  • Elisabeth Shue.

  • She's back from the future!

  • Did you ever wear these outfits?

  • Did you wear like, the headband and like?

  • No headband, but we had the, it's called the gi.

  • "Gi."

  • - Ooh. - Ooh.

  • What if he just leaned in

  • and started sucking the blood out of that nose?

  • He's conflicted, he's like, "I know I shouldn't do it,

  • but I'm trying to win."

  • Why you gotta blow up my spot?

  • I've got Johnny Lawrence coming up,

  • he's had a terrible day,

  • but he steps in to defend his new neighbor, Miguel.

  • Wait a minute,

  • this is the real actor from the original program.

  • It's brute time.

  • Do straight people act like this?

  • Hey, watch your car, man.

  • Explains why he smells like (beep).

  • "That's why he smells like (beep)."

  • Is he about to whoop their asses?

  • He starts with a kick.

  • Wait a minute.

  • Is this a show about an adult whooping the asses of kids?

  • Because I am so here for this.

  • You're like.

  • The next person who's like, you're in a shopping mall

  • and someone goes like, "Queer,"

  • imagine if you just got to turn and go,

  • "Not on my watch," and then, "wh-pshh."

  • "Who, who, psh!"

  • What's the matter, having trouble breathing?

  • Ooh, ooh.

  • This is fierce.

  • I love fighting.

  • He said (beep) them kids.

  • Would that be you if you got attacked?

  • Do you have like, sleeper soldier karate?

  • I think so.

  • I mean, I think I have arthritis though.

  • I'm old.

  • Well, did you see him, his first kick?

  • He was like, "Ow, ow."

  • Yeah, it'd take me a couple to get warmed up,

  • and then I think I'd get the fire of the devil in my eyes.

  • I'm so into that.

  • (Beep) everyone.

  • If I knew karate, I'd be in prison.

  • 'Cause I'd have killed about 15 people with this foot.

  • Face me, bow.

  • All right, so up next we got Aisha,

  • who's joining because she's been bullied a lot.

  • But, does she have what it takes to whoop ass?

  • Face each other.

  • We should start all of our recordings that way.

  • Yes, we should, yes, bowing, yeah.

  • I'm sorry.

  • Oh, my God, Aisha, are you okay?

  • What?

  • So she could have just broken a bunch of his ribs.

  • She said, "I'm about to snap your (beep)ing vertebrae."

  • You know that billboard with a big ass (beep) on it?

  • Coming up, we're gonna see Miguel kicking some ass

  • in the cafeteria.

  • Why don't you shut the hell up

  • and stop being such an (beep)hole.

  • Ooh.

  • You want another beat down, Rio?

  • It's Cobra Kai.

  • Oh, my God.

  • Whoop ass.

  • I should have learned karate.

  • Drag is so stupid and this is so cool.

  • The way I would waste people left and right for no reason.

  • Then you'd just be antagonizing people,

  • innocent people.

  • I would be in federal prison

  • for killing people.

  • With style.

  • Nobody kicks anybody.

  • Oh yes, they do.

  • Look at the material.

  • Ooh, I love the tray, the tray work.

  • I don't condone violence.

  • I would love to see a really good fight in real life.

  • Oh, bitch, I'll be on a table

  • screaming "WorldStar," louder than you've ever heard.

  • Have you ever seen a real fight in school?

  • It's a lot of t-shirt pulling.

  • It's a lot of laying down.

  • It's so messy.

  • People go to the ground instantly,

  • and they're just grabbing, grabbing.

  • I would like to hit people, but not get hit.

  • Is there a version of karate that's that?

  • Karate.

  • That's right, right?

  • This is it.

  • We got Johnny's son against Miguel,

  • which is Johnny's like, star student.

  • Fight.

  • Do they ever just like,

  • like land a little slap?

  • Slap.

  • Yeah, is it ever like, "huh, huh, huh, woosh?"

  • Or like a?

  • Cobra Kai, Cobra Kai!

  • This is continuing the rivalry for a next season.

  • So, we're going into season two,

  • and we've got a little sensei fight brewing.

  • Ooh, look at that wall.

  • "Strike first, strike hard, no mercy."

  • That's me trying to pick up guys.

  • Still got that hot temper, huh?

  • That's the guy that trained him.

  • Yeah.

  • Oh, ooh, his gum fell out.

  • Into the trash.

  • Oh, fire. It was a cigar.

  • It was a lit cigar.

  • Oh, that was crazy.

  • Things are about to get a little wet up in there.

  • Coming up, Tory with a "y."

  • She can sure kick some ass.

  • The nerve of being someone who says, "It's Tory...

  • with a y."

  • Game on.

  • Oh (beep).

  • Whoa.

  • Face grab.

  • He just got the biggest (beep) from that.

  • Fellas, is it gay to let a girl

  • beat the (beep) out of you?

  • Fighting in the sand is a whole 'nother animal.

  • Okay, so Robby knows his little friends are doing crimes,

  • but Danny is intervening 'cause he's got the moves.

  • Oh my God, fierce.

  • Is old guys beating up kids kinda hot?

  • Absolutely.

  • It is a little.

  • (Beep) them kids.

  • I have to say, I know it doesn't matter,

  • but both these men

  • look great for their age,

  • - Yeah. - 'cause they were

  • in those movies in the (beep)ing 80s.

  • They look great.

  • Well, their training is paying off

  • because they get to show their stuff

  • in a wonderful mall fight.

  • Oh, my God.

  • Oh, my God.

  • There's not a lot of mall security at this mall.

  • No.

  • What?

  • He like, swatted him out of the way.

  • Yes.

  • Okay, so this is a scene where one of these actors

  • is one of the original Cobra Kai boys

  • from the original film.

  • And, in real life the actor had cancer

  • and he's eulogized here by joining the cast.

  • Isn't it great?

  • You could suck my (beep).

  • Oh.

  • This is the fight song

  • They're just fighting the whole bar, huh?

  • They're just like, "Anybody else?"

  • "Here's a drink, sis."

  • Ooh, he's still got it with the ladies.

  • This is a very violent town.

  • Yeah, big time attitude problems.

  • Is anybody safe?

  • Do you have to learn karate to survive?

  • A lot of tough personalities where these kids live.

  • Samantha LaRusso.

  • So, big finish here.

  • The battle royale at the high school.

  • I'm coming for you, bitch.

  • Oh yes, intercom.

  • High school on TV is crazy.

  • "I've got you this time, bitch."

  • There was no chance you could ever

  • have gotten even close to the intercom.

  • This is high stakes.

  • This is drama.

  • My dumbass would have been National Honor Society,

  • like, "There's no running."

  • Oh, my God.

  • Get back in there.

  • Oh, they pushed her back in.

  • Oh, no.

  • Oh, my God, even the nerds are going ham.

  • Why is everyone fighting?

  • Oh, you want some of this.

  • Aisha said, "No, ma'am."

  • This is so wild.

  • Where are the teachers?

  • This is fierce.

  • You have to appreciate how long it must've taken them

  • to choreograph all this.

  • I did a fight scene in Hurricane Bianca.

  • It was the funnest thing I ever did.

  • Well to be fair, it wasn't in the script.

  • You just started hitting people.

  • You want to talk pent up aggression.

  • You wanna feel this?

  • Through the glass case, please.

  • Yes.

  • Is that the only way you know how to fight, dirty?

  • There are no rules.

  • Oh, (beep).

  • Someone's gonna die.

  • All these kids are going to jail after this.

  • I know.

  • Oh, God, damnit.

  • Oh, finally the police came.

  • Now a police officer?

  • Bitch, Cobra Kai is fabulous.

  • You wanna talk drama?

  • You wanna talk relationship,

  • not even triangles.

  • Parallelograms?

  • Squares.