I take care of some business.

You know, I get some things done.

But the day just completely got away from me.

I spent all day watching YouTube videos of

people eating ghost peppers.

And I completely forgot to write out my weekly thank-you notes.

And I know it's during the show, but do you guys mind if

I write out some thank-you notes right now?

Is that okay? [ Cheers and applause ]

Appreciate it.

James, can you help me out when you can?

[ Soft music playing ]

Thank you, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris,

for making us all feel like mom and dad just got home

after having the worst babysitter ever.

"You wouldn't believe what happened."

[ Soft music playing ]

Thank you, Hot Pockets recalling 760,000 pounds of product

due to broken glass in it, for being the first time

anyone has ever cared what's in a Hot Pocket.

Sausage Meat Lover -- Whatever. Just microwave it.

It tastes good.

[ Soft music playing ]

Thank you, playoff game between Tampa Bay and Green Bay.

Regardless of who wins, at least I can still say...

Oh, yeah. [ Soft music playing ]

Thank you, vending machines with COVID home tests,

for being the only time a vending-machine purchase

has positively affected my health.

Mm...

We did another one about the COVID vending machines.

This was a good -- It was a good subject.

No, I mean I'm about to write it,

my thank-you note, again, yeah.

-Oh, okay. Just came to you.

-Same address. -Yeah.

[ Soft music playing ]

-Thank you, vending machines with COVID home tests,

for explaining why I just saw someone

trying to stick a Twix bar up their nose.

Come on. Come on.

Do I have tissues here? I do.

Ah-ah-choo!

[ Laughs ]

[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]

[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]

Whew!

It always comes in fours.

[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]

[ Laughter ]

-What the heck is your problem?

[ Laughter ] -Yeah.

-My jeans came with no pockets.

[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]

[ Laughs ]

-What is going on?

-[ Laughing ] Here we go.

Alright.

[ Soft music playing ]

Thank you, transition lenses, for letting me feel like

I have a superpower where I transform into

a European deejay.

[ Soft music playing ]

Thank you, Dr. Scholl's foot machines at drugstores,

for being the "Dance Dance Revolution"

for 60-year-olds with bunions.

[ Beat-boxing ] ♪♪

[ Soft music playing ]

Thank you, avocado pits, for showing me how

Skee-Balls are born.

There you go, everybody. Those are our "Thank You Notes."