Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE STILL DOING THE SHOW FROM INSIDE MY GARAGE. YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE IT, YOU DON'T LIKE IT. NONE-OF-US ARE HAPPY WITH THIS, BUT THINK ABOUT IT, YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND HERE. YOU CAN GO AND WATCH "THE CROWN" AGAIN. I HAVE TO BE HERE. IF IT HELPS, JUST THINK OF TONIGHT'S SHOW AS AN HOUR-LONG CAMEO GIFTED TO YOU BY YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW WHO DOESN'T KNOW YOU VERY WELL. LOOK AT IT THAT WAY. REGGIE, THE BAND, AND IAN ARE HOW WILL WE GUYS, ARE WE GOOD. >> Reggie: AND AGAIN WE HAVE MATCHING SHIRTS. >> James: YOU DO, YOU AND IAN. >> Reggie: THE KIND OF GRAY GOING ON RIGHT THERE. >> James: YOU WANT TO TELL THE SECRET. YOU SEE I'M WEARING THIS THREE PIECE SUIT. >> James: IT'S ACTUALLY A TWO PIECE SUIT. >> SHOW US THE GOODS, COME ON. YOU CAN'T TEASE US LIKE THAT. >> James: LOOK AT THAT. NOT JUST ANY SWEAT PANTS. "LATE, LATE SHOW" SWEAT PANTS. SO I STILL FEEL LIKE IT'S OKAY. LOOK AT TIM, ON THE TREADMILL. JUST GOING FOR IT. >> Reggie: HE IS A TREADER, HE DOESN'T FEAR TO TREAD. >> YEAH, THE TREADMILL. I'M HERE, HAVING A GOOD TIME. >> James: HANG ON, DID YOU BUY ONE-- IS THIS ONE OF THESE T-SHIRTS THAT I SEE AN AD FOR ON THE INTERNET. >> IT IS A TOTAL INSTAGRAM PURCHASE. >> Reggie: I REMEMBER THOSE, T-SHORT. >> James: BE CAREFUL, TIM, TIM, BE CAREFUL. >> I HAVE NEVER TRIED THAT BEFORE. >> James: I HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED AT THOSE T-SHIRTS. HANG ON, IS THIS THE IDEA THAT THERE IS A TUNNEL THROUGH YOUR BODY? >> YEAH, THERE SAY HOLE, I FEEL EMPTY INSIDE. >> James: ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE TO THE HEADLINES YESTERDAY WAS A TOUGH DAY FOR MANY OF US BUT ONCE THE CHAOS SETS DOWN. IMMEDIATELY WENT BACK TO WORK, AND WORKED LATE INTO THE NIGHT, OFFICIALLY CERTIFYING JOE BIDEN'S VICTORY AT 3:30 IN THE MORNING. MAKING THIS THE ONLY GOOD DECISION TO EVER HAPPEN AT 3:30 IN THE MORNING. A SMALL GROUP OF REPUBLICANS PUSHED BACK ON CERTIFICATION, BUT THE REST OF CONGRESS WAS LIKE, "IT'S 3:30, JUST PACK IT IN, YOU PRICKS." 3:30 A..M! THEY DEBATED THE ELECTORAL VOTES, CERTIFIED THE ELECTION, AND THEN JUST FOR FUN THREW ON "JURASSIC PARK" AND ORDERED A COUPLE PIZZAS. AND NANCY PELOSI HAD ALL THE ICE CREAM. THEY ALL TUCKED INTO THAT. >> NICE SOON AFTER THE CERTIFICATION, PRESIDENT TRUMP RELEASED A STATEMENT, SAYING THAT THERE WOULD BE AN "ORDERLY TRANSITION OF POWER" ON JANUARY 20. UNFORTUNATELY, THE STATEMENT WAS WRAPPED AROUND A BRICK AND TOSSED THROUGH A CAPITOL BUILDING WINDOW. TRUMP ALSO USED THE STATEMENT TO MENTION THAT HE DISAGREED WITH THE OUTCOME OF THE ELECTION. WELL, THANK GOD! OTHERWISE THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO WAY TO KNOW! TRUMP JUST CAN'T HELP HIMSELF, CAN HE, IAN? EVEN WHEN HE'S SAYING THE "RIGHT THING," HE STILL HAS TO SLIP A LITTLE GRIPE IN THERE. >> IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE'S AN ABSOLUTE SCHMUK OR SOMETHING, I AM BEGINNING TO THINK OF THAT. >> James: YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE, ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE GOING THESE PAST 24 HOURS HAS REALLY MADE ME DISLIKE TRUMP. (LAUGHTER) AND AFTER THAT UGLY DAY YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S MENTAL STATE HAS NOW COME INTO QUESTION, WITH ONE SENIOR ADVISER SAYING TRUMP HAS "LOST IT." I'VE GOT TO SAY, IT'S VERY BRAVE OF REPUBLICANS TO START SPEAKING OUT AGAINST TRUMP ONLY 99.9% OF THE WAY THROUGH HIS TERM IN OFFICE. NOT TO QUIBBLE, BUT FOR SOMEONE TO "LOSE IT," FIRST THEY MUST "POSSESS IT." MUS NT THEY. YOU CAN'T LOSE SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T PO SESMS I LOVE HOW WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S STATE OF MIND THE SAME WAY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT LOSING CAR KEYS. "I KNOW THE PRESIDENT'S HUMANITY IS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE. IT WAS THERE-- I PUT IT THERE." I HAVE LOST IT, GONE. MEANWHILE, FACEBOOK AND TWITTER SUSPENDED THE PRESIDENT'S ACCOUNTS. TWITTER LOCKED HIS ACCOUNT FOR 12 HOURS, AND FACEBOOK ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT IT WOULD BLOCK TRUMP UNTIL AT LEAST THE END OF HIS TERM. SO, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. LOOKS LIKE TRUMP IS FINALLY ABOUT TO START POPPIN' ON TIKTOK, BABY! STOP THE STEAL. >> THAT IS TIKTOK, THAT IS WHAT IT IS? >> THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS, IT LIKE PULL THE FRAME. >> SOMETHING LIKE MAR SELL MARCEAUX. >> >> James: IT. >> IT TIME TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, STOP THE STEAL. >> TOP, STOP. >> EXACTLY, STOP. >> STOP THE STEAL. >> James: YEAH, THAT'S T IAN'S GOT T STOP THE STEAL. (LAUGHTER) >> DID YOU HAVE TO DANCE IN THERE,. >> THAT'S GOOD, YOU'RE TOO GOOD ALREADY. >> TOO GOOD, JAMES, TOO GOOD. >> TO DO THE TRUMP, YOU HAVE TO POINT TO SOMEBODY IN THE CROWD WHO YOU JUST MADE UP LIKE AH, I SEE YOU, AND THEN YOU GO BACK, OH, YOU. >> THAT'S IT. >> DO IT. >> YOU ROCKED IT, YES. THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. >> James: TRUMP'S LOCKED OUT OF FACEBOOK? THAT'S ROUGH. LOCKED OUT OF FACEBOOK HOW'S HE GOING TO KNOW WHEN IT'S ONE OF HIS FRIEND'S BIRTHDAYS? WOULD ANY OF YOU GUYS CARE IF YOU WERE PERMANENTLY LOCKED OUT OF FACEBOOK? >> HELL NO. >> James: ANY ONE. >> I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT FACEBOOK IN THREE YEARS. >> I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT FACEBOOK IN NINE YEARS. >> James: CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING I'M VERY PROUD OF, VERY, VERY PROUD OF THIS, I NEVER JOINED. >> YEAH. NEVER JOINED. NEVER DID IT. >> James: NEVER DID IT. AND I DO FIND ALL OF-- DO YOU REMEMBER LAST WEEK ON TWITTER, HASHTAG DELETE FACEBOOK WAS TRENDING? AND I LOOKED AT IT ON TWITTER AND ALL THESE PEOPLE DELETE FACEBOOK. I LOOKED AT A FEW OF THE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT IT, AND THEY ALL HAD THEIR INSTAGRAM IN THEIR BIO. THEY BOUGHT IT, YOU CAN'T-- IT IS ALL-- THE SAME POT OF MONEY. IT'S ALL THE SAME, YEAH, NEVER JOINED. NEVER JOINED FACEBOOK. I SAW ALL OF THIS COMING. NOW LOOK, AND SURE, THIS IS A LITTLE OFF-TOPIC, BUT HAVE YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT MARK ZUCKERBERG LOOKS LIKE IF MITCH McCONNELL HAD A BABY WITH A GHOST? HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT? >> Reggie: INTERESTING MEANWHILE, ANGRY REPUBLICAN LEADERS, AS WELL AS NANCY PELOSI AND CHUCK SCHUMER, ARE NOW CALLING ON THE VICE PRESIDENT TO INVOKE THE 25th AMENDMENT TO REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE, BECAUSE HE'S UNABLE TO EXECUTE HIS PRESIDENTIAL DUTIES. WELL, YEAH, OF COURSE TRUMP IS UNABLE TO EXECUTE HIS PRESIDENTIAL DUTIES-- THEY TOOK AWAY HIS TWITTER! EXPERTS SAY THE 25th AMENDMENT APPLIES HERE BECAUSE TRUMP IS DISINTERESTED IN DOING THE JOB AND NOT IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND TO CARRY OUT ANY OF THE NECESSARY TASKS. WHICH, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, ALSO DESCRIBES ME DURING THESE GARAGE SHOWS. BUT THIS IS HUGE. IF I UNDERSTAND THE LAW CORRECTLY, AND I THINK I DO, MIKE PENCE WOULD THEN ASSUME THE OVAL OFFICE, AND THAT FLY ON HIS HEAD WOULD TAKE OVER AS VICE PRESIDENT. YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WAS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES FOR TWO WEEKS, GET A PS5. >> THAT IS WHAT IT WOULD TAKE. >> Reggie: FORGET THE VACCINE, RIGHT. >> James: NO, THE VACCINE IS ROLLED OUT. I WOULD JUST GO GUYSK I'M ONLY HERE FOR TWO WEEKS. I WANT TO MAKE THE MOST OF THIS, HANGING OUT, ORDERING ROOM SERVICE. I JUST NEED A PS5. >> Reggie: GOOD LUCK. >> YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO KEEP IT, THAT IS THE THING. >> James: OH, OH, YOU THINK? >> Reggie: THEY WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU, IT WOULD BE GOVERNMENT CUSTODY. >> James: THEN I DON'T WANT THE JOB, THEN I'M NOT INTERESTED. AND YESTERDAY'S EVENTS SEEMED TO BE THE FINAL STRAW FOR MANY TRUMP ASSOCIATES, THERE HAVE BEEN MULTIPLE RESIGNATIONS YESTERDAY AND TODAY INCLUDING ONE CABINET MEMBER, TRUMP NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR AND EVEN THE FIRST LADY'S CHEF OF STAFF AGAIN, A LITTLE LATE, BUT OKAY. PEOPLE WERE COMPARING THIS BIG WAVE OF RESIGNATIONS TO RATS FLEEING THE "TITANIC," BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR. AT ONE POINT, THE "TITANIC" ACTUALLY HAD SOME DIRECTION. IT WAS GOING SOMEWHERE. IT MAKES SENSE, THOUGH. YOU WANT TO GET OUT INTO THE JOB MARKET BEFORE THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION GETS BLOCKED ON LINKEDIN, AS WELL. IN OTHER NEWS, A CITY IN SOUTH PARNS IF DENMARK ARE OUTRAGED AFTER A NEW CLAYMATION CHARACTER, THERE WAS OUTRAGE BECAUSE THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS A RATHER LONG PENIS. HOW LONG? TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF. LOOK AT THAT FIRST I WANT TO SAY YES, I GAVE THEM THE RIGHTS TO MY LIFE STORY BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE AIMED AT YOUNG CHILDREN, SECOND I THINK AIMED AT YOUNG CHILDREN WOULDN'T BE THE BEST WAY TO FRAME THIS. I THINK IT WOULD BE CONVENIENCE ON THAT BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE A-- FOR LIFE. >> I THINK IT IS GOOD, AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN WASHINGTON YESTERDAY, MAYBE DENMARK CAN TEACH US A THING OR TWO ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH A GIANT DICK. WHAT? (APPLAUSE)
B1 TheLateLateShow trump james reggie facebook president Are They Gonna Hit Trump with the 25th? 5 1 林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/11 More Share Save Report Video vocabulary