And I know I'm settingmyselfupforhugedisappointmentsbecauseyoudon't alwaysgetthatjobandsometimesthatguydoesn't callyoufor a seconddate, andmostdefinitelythatshowisgonnagetcanceled.
Andofcourse, theansweralwaysliesandmoderationlike I don't knowhowmanytimes I havetolearnthislesson, buthereweareagain a decadeonYouTube, and I'm stillrediscoveringthatallofmyproblemsusuallyhavethesameanswer.
Andyou, astheantibodyhavetorememberHey, wait a second.
You'rethesameproblem I dealtwithtwoyearsago, Only a righttoversion, becausethisisbullshit.
Sonow I'm strivingtopaceoutmyemotionalinvestmentinallpossibilitiesand a healthyorganicwayinsteadofjustlikeshovingallofmyexpectationsintothisonedesiredoutcomesothatanythingotherthanwhat I imaginewe'lljustleavemeindespair.
Youknow, I stillhavehopeforwhatwillhappen, but I don't immediatelygetmarriedtotheideathatthisjobisminor.
Thisboyisminor.
ThatTVshowbettergoonfor 43 seasons.
Instead, I trytoactivelyandconsciouslyjusttrust.
Thenifthejobismine, it'llbemine.
Ifthat's therightboyfromme, it'llworkout.
I surrendereverythingtotheuniverse, and I knowthatit's gonnaunfoldexactlyasitshould, and I immediatelyfreakoutandthinkthat's allwrongandthen I surrenderagainandthecyclerepeatsforeverandeverandeverandeveruntilhedied.
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