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  • IT IS OUR FINAL SHOW OF THE YEAR,

  • GANG, IT IS OUR FINAL SHOW.

  • I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, A FEW OF US HAVE HAD A DRINK.

  • YEAH YEAH.

  • >> James: AN WHEN I SAY A FEW OF US, I MOSTLY MEAN SUSAN.

  • SUSAN IS-- YEAH, SUSAN IS BOOZEIN, SUSAN IS BOOZEIN HONESE

  • LEAST.

  • >> IF SHE WASN'T WEARING THAT FACE MASK YOU WOULD BE DRUNK AT

  • HOME JUST FROM THE FUMES.

  • SO THAT'S THE MOOD WE'RE IN.

  • BUT YOU KNOW, THIS IS ALSO A SOMBER DAY.

  • WHAT A SHAME TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO 2020.

  • (LAUGHTER) I WILL SAY IN THE SPIRIT OF 2020

  • WE'VE DECIDED THAT TONIGHT'S SHOW IS GOING TO BE [BLEEP].

  • >> YEAH!

  • BUT THIS IS IT.

  • WE'RE OFF ON A BREAK FOR A FEW DAYS, ANY PLANS, WHAT ARE YOU

  • GOING TO DO.

  • >> Reggie: I'M GOING TO GO TO MONTANA.

  • >> James: MONTANA.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH, I WILL VISIT MY MOM.

  • >> James: BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY UP THERE.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH, IT WILL BE GREAT, HOPEFULLY SNOW.

  • I LOVE ALL THAT STUFF, DRIVING IN, IT, I LIKE BLACK ICE.

  • >> James: DO YOU.

  • >> ACTUALLY WEIRDLY I LOVE DRIVING IN DISASTROUS

  • CONDITIONS.

  • >> James: JUST TO LIVE A DAY IN THAT SORT OF HEAD SPACE.

  • WHAT ABOUT YOU, IAN, WHAT IS THE PLAN?

  • >> I GOT THE NEW XBOX.

  • OH YEAH.

  • >> James: IT ARRIVED.

  • >> IT ARRIVED YESTERDAY.

  • >> James: OKAY.

  • >> GOT THAT HOOKED UP.

  • NBA SEASON IS COMING BACK AND I'M GOING TO TRY TO REPAIR MY

  • RELATIONSHIP WITH WEED.

  • >> YES!

  • >> AND TIME TIME STOPPED WORKING ON ME MADE ME PARANOID, I'M

  • GOING TO GIVE TAY COLLEGE TRY AGAIN.

  • >> James: IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, WAIT, WHO, WHAT'S

  • GOING ON, AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

  • ANYONE KNOW WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING IN THE NEWS?

  • (LAUGHTER) DOES ANYONE KNOW?

  • DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEAS?

  • NO?

  • ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING IN THE NEWS?

  • >> I THINK BIDEN WON, I THINK.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: WHAT?

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

  • >> Reggie: YEAH, SURPRISING,-- IT'S BIDEN, YEAH.

  • >> James: IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE NEWS I

  • CAN FILL YOU IN RIGHT NOW.

  • I GOT LOADS.

  • I HAVE LOADS.

  • >> Reggie: GO FOR IT.

  • >> James: A TON OF NEWS BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT IT, IF NOT,

  • HAPPY TO IGNORE IT.

  • >> Reggie: I'M INTERESTED.

  • >> Reggie: WHY NOT.

  • >> James: THEN ARE YOU IN LUCK BECAUSE I CAN TELL YOU THAT VICE

  • PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE IS ABOUT TO FIND HIMSELF ON QUITE AN

  • UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION.

  • ON JANUARY 6th HE HAS TO APPEAR IN FRONT OF CONGRESS TO

  • CONFIRM JOE BIDEN'S VICTORY OVERDONE ALD TRUMP.

  • WELL, WORD HAS JUST COME OUT THAT PENCE WILL THEN IMMEDIATELY

  • TRAVEL TO THE MIDDLE EAST TO AVOID THE WRATH OF TRUMP AND HIS

  • SUPPORTERS.

  • (LAUGHTER).

  • >> James: YOU KNOW THINGS ARE TURBULENT IN THE WHITE HOUSE

  • WHEN YOU GO TO THE MIDDLE EAST FOR A BIT OF PEACE AND QUIET.

  • HE IS STOPPING IN BAHRAIN AND ISRAEL.

  • HE'S THEN HEADED OFF TO POLAND OS AR MIKE PENCE CALLS THAT, A

  • REAL TROPICAL GETAWAY.

  • NOW POLAND USUALLY HAS QUITE A BIT OF SNOW THIS TIME OF YEAR SO

  • CHANCES ARE THIS IS WHAT MIKE PENCE WILL LOOK LIKE IN ALL OF

  • HIS PHOTOS.

  • PEEK SPEAKS OF THE VICE PRESIDENT, PENCE SAID HE WILL BE

  • RECEIVING THE COVID-19 VACCINE INFECTION-- INJECTION TOMORROW

  • LIVE ON TELEVISION.

  • YEAH, I KNOW.

  • THIS IS THE ONE TIME HE WILL ALLOW PENETRATION OUTSIDE OF

  • MARRIAGE.

  • (LAUGHTER) NOW AS YOU KNOW THE VACCINE HAS

  • TO BE KEPT AT SUPER COLD TEMPERATURES SO I'M SURE IT IS

  • GOING TO DO JUST FINE INSIDE MIKE PENCE.

  • HERE IS MY THINKING ON THIS.

  • IF HE DIDN'T GET THE VIRUS AFTER TEN MONTHS INSIDE THE WHITE

  • HOUSE, I DON'T THINK HE SHOULD BE GETTING IT, I THINK HE WILL

  • BE FINE.

  • WE SHOULD BE INJECTING MIKE PENCE INTO EVERYBODY ELSE.

  • BUT PENCE WILL PUBLICLY RECEIVE THE VACCINE TO PROMOTE ITS

  • SAFETY AND BUILD CONFIDENCE AMONG THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

  • AND NOTHING PROMOTES CONFIDENCE QUITE LIKE GETTING THE VACCINE

  • AND THEN IMMEDIATELY FLEEING THE COUNTRY.

  • MEANWHILE THE COVID VACCINE CONTINUES TO ROLL OUT THROUGHOUT

  • THE UNITED KINGDOM.

  • TODAY IT WAS FOR IAN McKELLEN'S TURN, HERE HE IS

  • GETTING HIS FIRST DOSE.

  • THIS IS E SLENLT NEWS.

  • EXCELLENT NEWSES.

  • SIR IAN McKELLEN IS THE MOST SEJ NONESSENTIAL WORKER.

  • ST BEAUTIFUL THAT HE GOT THE VACCINE BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY,

  • CUZ I KNOW HE'S WATCHING, LATCH (LAUGHTER)

  • >> NEVER MISSES AN EPISODE, DID YOU KNOW THAT, I GET A TEXT AT

  • THE END OF EVERY SHOW FROM SIR IAN McKELLEN WHO SAYS BEST ONE

  • YET.

  • I DO WANT TO SAY SIR IAN, YOU ARE 81 YEARS OLD T IS THE MIDDLE

  • OF DECEMBER, THAT SCARF WITH A T-SHIRT IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT,

  • IAN, SIR IAN McKELLAN ENHAD A VACCINE WHERE ARE YOU ON THE

  • LIST OF IANS TO GET A VACCINE.

  • WHICH IAN IS IN FRONT OF YOU.

  • >> I GO AFTER McSHANE SO IAN McSHANE AND THEN ME, AND THEN

  • THAT KID FROM YOUNG SHELDON.

  • SZ.

  • >> James: CAN I BE HONEST, I THINK THE NETWORK WOULD DISAGREE

  • WITH THAT.

  • SOME GOOD NEWS HERE ON THE VACCINE FRONT HERE IN AMERICA.

  • YOU KNOW THAT THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF CONCERN ABOUT A SHORTAGE.

  • WELL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS JUST DISCOVERED THAT PFIZER'S VACCINE

  • VIELS CONTAIN ONE OR TWO MORE DOSES THAN THEY PREVIOUSLY

  • THOUGHT.

  • LOOK AT THAT.

  • ON THE LAST NIGHT OF HANUKKAH.

  • THEY HAD THE VIEL TRK LASTED LONGER, IT SAY HANUKKAH MIRACLE.

  • I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS.

  • I DON'T KNOW THAT WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO RECEIVE A BRAND NEW

  • LIFESAVING VACCINE THAT YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR

  • BEING LIKE, HANG ON A MINUTE.

  • IT SAYS SIX, WE CAN DO SEVEN, I THINK THAT SHOULD DO IT.

  • >> AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.

  • A FAMILY IN SCOTLAND HAD A SURPRISING CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE

  • THE OTHER DAY AFTER LEAVING THEIR DOOR OPEN, A HAWK FLEW

  • INTO THEIR HOME AND PERCHED IN THEIR TREE.

  • HERE IT IS HERE.

  • NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING, NOT EVEN A MOUSE.

  • CUZ THERE'S A HAWK IN THE TREE.

  • A HAWK LANDED IN THEIR CHRISTMAS TREE, THOUGH THE KIDS IN THE

  • HOUSE WERE PRETTY UNGRATEFUL.

  • THEY WERE LIKE WELL I ASKED FOR A FALCON.

  • NOW I JUST CAN'T STOP MANCHING THAT HAWK TALKING WITH A

  • SCOTTISH ACCENT.

  • STOP Y ER WE WALLOWING.

  • THAT'S THE ONLY THING CAN I SAY IN SCOTTISH BECAUSE I USED TO

  • HAVE-- WHEN I WORKED AT THE SUPERMARKET MY BOSS THERE WAS

  • SCOTTISH AND I WOULD WORK ON SATURDAY AND HE WOULD SAY KIDS

  • CAN YOU WATCH-- AND I WOULD SAY YEAH, YEAH, I CAN, OH, I CAN'T,

  • I'VE GOT TO PRACTICE FOR A SHOW.

  • AND HE [BLEEP] DO THAT, PLEASE.

  • DON'T [BLEEP] DO THAT, GET ME YOU-- YOU KNOW, WHAT ELSE HE DID

  • TO ME, ONE OF MAY JOBS WAS I HAD TO CLEAN THE FREEZER WITH THIS

  • WIRE BRUSH ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON, I WOULD JUST HAVE TO

  • CLEAN.

  • AND THERE WOULD BE LIKE HALF AND LAMB AND LIKE, JUST MEAT,

  • DISGUSTING.

  • AND THE DOOR IF YOU SHUT THE DOOR IT HAD A GLOW IN THE DARK

  • HANDLE THAT YOU WOULD PUSH TO OPEN AND SET, THIS FREEZER WAS

  • SO OLD, IT HAD ALL WARN AWAY, SO I WOULD GO IN AND PROBABLY TWICE

  • A SHIFT THEY WOULD SHUT THE DOOR AND I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SEE ME

  • WAY OUT AND I WOULD JUST BE WALKING INTO CARCASSES OF

  • ANIMALS.

  • AND I WOULD COME OUT AND THEY WOULD JUST THINK IT WAS

  • HILARIOUS.

  • HA HA HA, GET BACK IN THERE YOU FAT.

  • >> BUT I WILL SAY THE JOKE IS ON THEM BECAUSE ON MY LAST DAY I

  • ACTUALLY STOLE QUITE A LOT OF PRODUCT.

  • I WALKED OUT OF THERE WITH A BACKPACK SO FULL OF BOOZE, SOLD

  • IT ALL AT SCHOOL.

  • AND FINALLY WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.

  • TWO POLICE OFFICERS IN PERU RECENTLY WERE SUR VAILING A

  • SUSPECTED DRUG DEALER WHILE UNDER SCOFER.

  • AND THEY ENDED UP MAKING THE ARREST DRESSED IN FULL COSTUME

  • AS SANTA CLAUS AND AN ELF.

  • DO YOU THINK THEY FOUGHT OVER WHO WOULD BE THE SANTA AND WHO

  • WOULD BE THE ELF?

  • YOU KNOW, THERE IS NO SMALL PARTS BUT ONE IS SANTA AND ONE

  • IS AN ELF.

  • AFTER THE ARREST THE SUSPECT WAS IMMEDIATELY LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS I

  • WOULD LIKE TO BE RELEASED EARLY FROM CUSTODY AND SANTA WAS LIKE

  • DAMMIT, RULES ARE RULES, LET HIM GO.

  • AND THIS WAS NICE, THEY ARE ACTUALLY ALREADY MAKING A SHOW

  • INSPIRED BY THE INCIDENT CLAUSEE & ORDER.

IT IS OUR FINAL SHOW OF THE YEAR,

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B1 TheLateLateShow james reggie hawk susan yeah james

Pence Heading to the Middle East to Hide from MAGA

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/18
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