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  • So a few years ago, I had cosmetic surgery.

  • And I won't say what it was exactly for privacy reasons,

  • But I will say that it was the breast decision for me.

  • So I've had A-cup...le of changes that I've wanted to make for about a decade,

  • 'cuz I was so tired of looking in the mirror and seeing Mowgli from The Jungle Book

  • when in my head, I was obviously an Amazonian warrior woman.

  • And as I was grappling with whether or not to commit to this operation,

  • I had this titillating discussion with my friend who asked me:

  • "Well, aren't you worried about what other people are gonna think?"

  • "Like, I know that this is coming from a healthy place, but what about the stigma?"

  • And I realized: as a woman, you can't win.

  • You know, when it comes to the constructs of beauty, it's full of booby traps.

  • You have to jug-gle the unrealistic and often contradictory expectations of society

  • where you're supposed to be beautiful but not know you're beautiful, otherwise you're conceited.

  • And you have to try to be beautiful, but don't try too hard because then you're desperate.

  • But if you don't try hard enough, you're just lazy and probably gonna die alone.

  • So when I've racked up all of these hypocrisies,

  • I came to the conclusion that I just have to do what feels right for me.

  • No matter what, we're going to be criticized.

  • And I truly believe that our bodies are just a vessel, just a spiritual lesson,

  • And one that will wrinkle and decay,

  • So while I'm here, I want mine to reflect on the outside how I see myself on the inside.

  • And I know I'm milking these puns, but I can honestly say to anyone who wants to pass

  • judgment on the personal decisions I make regarding my self-image:

  • You can calm your tits.

  • I'm Anna Akana.

  • And if for some reason you haven't figured out what I'm talking about by now

  • then tough titty, baby

  • Ayy.

  • Scene 1, Take 1: Tits

  • Tits. Scene 1, take 2.

  • Tits. Scene 1, take 3.

  • Tits. Scene 1, take 4. – Getting creative

  • Take 5. Tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Titties.

  • Scene 1, Take 10.

So a few years ago, I had cosmetic surgery.

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