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  • - He's technically still a missing person, but um- okay.

  • - Sup man, got your champagne flute?

  • - No, not yet.

  • - Boom, gotcha covered.

  • - Oh, nice, thanks a lot!

  • Almost midnight.

  • - I know, right?

  • Ball's about to drop.

  • - Oh, 'bout to sing Auld Lang Syne.

  • - Yeah, everyone's scanning around the room, trying to

  • figure out who they're going to finger at midnight.

  • - Yeah... What?

  • - You know the married couples have it the easiest, they

  • know they're going to be fingering each other.

  • Us singles gotta be hustling the entire party, flirtin'

  • around so we don't have to start our year off unblasted.

  • Pft.

  • - What are you talkin' about?

  • - What are you talking about?

  • - Are you being serious right now?

  • - Yeah, why, what?

  • - You don't finger somebody at midnight.

  • You kiss somebody.

  • - Ew. - Ew?

  • - Ew! - Ew?

  • You're about to finger somebody at a party!

  • - Oh my god, calm down.

  • What are you, twelve?

  • People get fingered at parties.

  • - Stop saying that.

  • - You're making me feel bad!

  • - What?

  • - Listen, it's New Year's.

  • I've gotten dug out tons of times.

  • - How did you get fingered?

  • - Shut up!

  • - You boys ready for the twitching hour?

  • - Have fun reading braille, boys.

  • - (laughs) You got it.

  • See what I'm talking about?

  • - What the fuck is going on?

  • - Are you telling me you've honestly never given anybody

  • the scouts honor on New Year's?

  • - It's not a thing!

  • - Yes, it is!

  • Why would it be kissing?

  • That's so much more intimate than a little come hither.

  • - No it's not.

  • - Yes it is! - No it's not!

  • - Yes, it is.

  • To be kissing you are looking right into someone's eyes,

  • half the times I've gotten hand whispered I had no idea

  • who was doing it.

  • - What?!

  • - That's New Year's baby.

  • - No it's not!

  • - Yes it is!

  • Look I don't have time to argue with you alright?

  • It is 11:59 p.m.

  • I have less than a minute left to find somebody to give me

  • the old hook and pull with their knuckler.

  • Or failing that, let me click their mouse a couple times

  • or it's bad luck for the whole year.

  • Do you want that on your conscious?

  • - No, you're a freak.

  • - What, cause I love holidays?

  • (crowd counts down)

  • 'Kay, 'kay, 'kay, we're outta time, look.

  • Listen, Raff, let's just give each other a quick

  • downstairs Vulcan salute.

  • What'd say?

  • - No. Absolutely not.

  • - Goddammit Raff.

  • As always, I gotta handle it myself.

  • (spits)

  • (crowd shouts Happy New Year)

  • (Raff screams)

- He's technically still a missing person, but um- okay.

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B1 US ew ew kay midnight finger kissing crowd

New Year’s Fingering

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    たらこ posted on 2020/12/10
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