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  • now the top story tonight.

  • President Trump's attorney, Rudy Giuliani, has tested positive for Cove in 19, a bad break and what has otherwise been a flawless month.

  • Giuliani took a break from brushing only his top teeth to tweet.

  • Thank you to all my friends and followers.

  • For all the prayers and kind wishes.

  • I'm getting great care and feeling good, recovering quickly and keeping up with everything.

  • We should note that the pandemic death toll is now being compared to a 9 11 every day.

  • So Giuliani contracting the virus could be an attempt to once again capitalized on that.

  • Rudy is just one of the record 100,000 Americans in the hospital tonight, most of whom, unlike Giuliani, are not that Joey Chestnut of ingesting covert spores.

  • Here's the chief adviser for Operation Warp Speed talking about when we'll start to see vaccine results.

  • Well, I think we may start to see some impact on the most acceptable people, probably in the month of January and February, but on a population basis for for for our lives to start getting back to normal.

  • We're talking about April or may.

  • Obviously, I should be in the front of the line.

  • But as a precautionary measure, I have gone through the painstaking task of going to the Halloween store and buying a hunky doctor costume.

  • Clarence, what sort of high jinks do you plan apart taken to make sure you get that vaccine first?

  • Well, let me say, First of all that I wish really Giuliani a speedy recovery as I say that everybody who has Kobe as's faras my own hijinks are concerned or masks.

  • I have planned to wear one that says, uh, make America whole again after the Trump Administration.

  • You know, this vaccine can't come soon enough.

  • The first thing I'm going to do post vaccine is walking to a Macy's and spend one full hour trying to decide between buying a blouse and cream or get him both.

  • Girl, you deserve it.

  • Well, what we talked about was a covert.

  • That's right, James and I got to say I'm excited for a vaccine, but I'm blessed to be as healthy as I am.

  • It's important to me that essential workers, the elderly and the immuno compromised have access to the vaccine.

  • Before I do.

  • They need it more.

  • That's just the way the distribution works.

  • He's trying to claim selfless, something he has no choice in felt like for a brief second that I just died there now.

  • Meanwhile, Axios reports that President Trump is preparing for an exit plan if for some reason his hospitalized goon can't invalidate the Constitution, President Trump is considering a made for TV grand finale, a White House departure on Marine One and Final Air Force One flight to Florida for a political rally opposite Joe Biden's inauguration.

  • Trump, of course, smearing Jimmy Carter's graceful post presidency of building houses that say, Eat my, it's on the roof.

  • Clarence.

  • If Biden loses in 2024 should he outdo Trump, it just set the White House on fire.

  • Well, that may be all that's left.

  • I'm still thinking about how, for last couple of months I have been able find anybody who thought that Donald Trump was going to show up for the inauguration, and sure enough, he is promising that he will not.

  • I don't buy the hype that he's going to be some anarchist troll.

  • I think Trump's going to take up normal post presidential hobbies of trying to make a much money as possible without going to prison.

  • Well, I'm going to point this out.

  • It zits tradition in America that the loser of a presidential election dedicates their post presidential life to seeking revenge.

  • That's why John Kerry is always sitting on a hill overlooking George W.

  • Bush's house with binoculars and a stupid little henchman who just can't get anything right now.

  • Look, when I didn't win prom King, I just held my own prom in my parents garage, blasted Sean Paul and grinded with a vacuum cleaner.

  • You know, Awesome.

  • We kind of open this conversation on the floor.

  • You don't have to say something, you know, actually, I kind of prefer if you just kind of turn your chair around for the rest of the show.

  • Well, you don't need to worry about me.

  • I've been taking minoxidil.

  • You can zoom in on that bad boy.

  • Hold on.

  • Here yours is Okay, But I got a really nice thick of going back here.

  • You lost on that jungle.

  • That's shiny.

  • Take a look at the back of my head here.

  • What do you think the oh, look, I have got is as a bump on it.

  • I'm for sure.

  • I feel like I'm I feel like I'm winning.

  • Whatever this is, I don't know.

  • The bloom bump is when many of blue ribbon at many a state fair.

  • And what do you think is the secret to your success?

  • Well, I don't try too hard.

  • I just try Thio Let the bump be what it wants to be.

  • I do want to note that all my dandruff that's actually nutmeg I put that there myself with a little micro plane every morning.

  • Just felt like I died again.

  • Now, before we go on our first episode of big news, we called Rudy Giuliani to address a rumor.

  • We started that while he was at the Grand Havana room, he left an extremely toxic stain on a chair that at one point appeared to growl.

  • As much as I want to follow up on that story, I consider myself a journalist second and a human first.

  • So let's call Rudy and see how he's holding up.

  • Given his recent Kobe diagnosis, your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

  • Yes, okay.

  • Is not available at the tone.

  • Please record your message.

  • Hey, Mr Mayor James Smart would from CBS all access just had a couple questions for you.

  • First of all, how you holding up?

  • Have the other viruses in your body teamed up to kill Covad yet?

  • Also is that hospitals?

  • I see you facing a bed shortage.

  • Now they have to burn yours when you're done with it.

  • So anyways, about this chair that you left a stain on at the Grand Havana room the latest I've heard is a stain actually melted through the foundation through Manhattan shell bedrock.

  • And now lava is squirting all over members extra wide Florsheim shoes and yellow zirconium cufflinks.

  • EPA and Interpol are now sniffing around, so if you get back to us, everyone would really appreciate it.

  • Alright.

  • Later, pal.

  • You gotta feel better.

  • Okay?

  • Mhm.

  • Yeah.

now the top story tonight.

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