>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO TO LATE SHOW,

LET'S SAY HELLO.

HELLO, JOHN.

>> OH MAN, COME ON, WHAT IS HAPPENING?

>> Stephen: I HAVE GOT MY HEAD IS TURNED TO THE HOLIDAYS.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: I AM WONDERING, WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS,

JOHN?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET YOU.

>> WOW.

IF YOU CAN GIVE ME PEACE ON EARTH THAT WOULD BE GREAT, BUT

-- >> Stephen: I DON'T

-- >> DO YOU EVER READ THE CHOOSE

YOUR OWN ADVENTURES BOOKS.

>> Stephen: YEAH.

>> YOU KNOW BOOK YOU CAN READ AND THERE ARE OPTIONS.

>> Stephen: TO TO PAGE 54, ABC AND YOU GO BACK AND FORTH IN THE

BOOK LIKE THAT, YEAH.

>> YEAH, YEAH, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A COMPLETE

COLLECTION OF THOSE BOOKS, BECAUSE I USED TO READ -- I MAY

HAVE READ ALL OF THEM WHEN I WAS A KID AND I CAN'T FIND THEM

ANYMORE.

>> Stephen: LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN.

NOW FORGET THAT YOU ASKED ME, JOHN.

I MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE TO -- I AM NOT GOING TO, JOHN.

I AM 100 PERCENT NOT GOING TO START LOOKING FOR THOSE.

[ LAUGHTER ].

>> Stephen: DONE, DONE.

HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING -- HAVE YOU GOT ANY ADVENTURE MUSIC FOR

US?

>> OH, MY GOODNESS, OH, YEAH.

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ >> Stephen: HIGH SCORE.

JEAN-BAPTISTE, EVERYBODY.

>> THANK YOU, JOHN.

HAVE A GOOD ONE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW I SPEND A LOT OF TYPE POLISHING

HUBCAPS, INSTALLING PREMIUM LEATHER INTERIOR PACKAGES,

UPGRADING TO SATELLITE RADIO AND PUTTING TOGETHER INCREDIBLE

HOLIDAY DEALS ON NEW AND CERTIFIED PREOWNED VEHICLES, ALL

TO FORM THE SPECTACULAR TOYOTATHON EVENT THAT IS MY

MONOLOGUE, BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO SPIN DOWN

THE ODOMETER ON A BUSTED OLD SAAB, TAPE A GARBAGE BAG OVER

THE BROKEN WINDOWS, HIGH THE WORDS STEERING WHEEL NOT

INCLUDED IN THE FINE PRINT TO HAWK THE DISCOUNT KARL'S NON0

ROAD WORTHY RATTLETRAP JALOPY OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT.

>> QUARANTINE-WHILE!

>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE.

COUNTRY SINGER CHASE RICE IS IN HOT WATER FOR AN INSENSITIVE

SERIES OF TWEETS.

JUST LOST MY TASTE AND SMELL.

WEIRD.

ALSO DROPPING A SINGLE AT MIDNIGHT.

AND THEN TEN MINUTES LATER TWEETED, ON A REAL NOTE, DON'T

HAVE COVID.

BUT I AM DROPPING A SINGLE TONIGHT.

NOT COME TO, CHASE, TO USE A GLOBAL PANDEMIC TO HAWK YOUR

LATEST PROJECT.

WE LEARNED THAT YEARS AGO WHEN SHAKESPEARE POSTED THESE FLYERS,

COUGHING UP BLOOD, FACE COVERED IN LESIONS, WEIRD.

ON A REAL NOTE, I'M HEALTHY AF, BUT YOU ALL SHOULD CHECK OUT MY

NEW PLAY HAMLET, NOW THAT WOULD BE SICK.

QUARANTINE-WHILE, DRAKE IS SELLING A SCENTED CANDLE THAT

SMELLS LIKE DRAKE, TO WHICH GWYNETH PALTROW REPLIED, UH,

CALL ME WHEN IT SMELLS LIKE DRAKE'S VAGINA.

QUARANTINE-WHILE, OREO IS RELEASING A LADY GAGA-INSPIRED

PINK AND GREEN COOK CAN KISS.

OKAY, AS MUCH AS I LOVE HER, LADY GAGA'S OREOS WILL NEVER

REPLACE PAT BENATAR'S HYDRO G!

QUARANTINE-WHILE, I HAVE ALREADY BROUGHT YOU NEWS OF THE

MYSTERIOUS APPEARANCE OF THIS UPON LOT IN THE UTAH DESERT LAST

WEEK AND EVENTS SO POTENTIALLY PARADIGM SHIFTING FOR THE HUMAN

RACE THAT I NEED TO UPDATE YOU IN MY NEWEST MONTH LITERATURE

THEMED MEANWHILE SUBSEGMENT, MON-WHILE, MON-WHILE, THE

ORIGINAL UTAH DESERT MONOLITH, IS GONE-OLITH.

OVER THE WEEKEND WE LEARNED THAT THE MYSTERIOUS MONOLITH WAS

REMOVED ON FRIDAY EVENING.

A PHOTOGRAPHER OF THE SCENE SAW FOUR MEMBER ARRIVE AS IF OUT OF

NOWHERE TO DISMANTLE IT SAYING LEAVE NO TRACE, THIS IS OUR

MISSION.

CLEARLY GOVERNMENT AGENTS WORKING FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF

FUN-STOMPING.

COME ON, GUYS.

JUST LET US HAVE THIS!

WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE IF IT SHOT OUT BEAMS TO MELT

ANYBODY'S BONES.

THEN THE MYSTERY DEEP DEEPENED BECAUSE ON FRIDAY ANOTHER

MYSTERIOUS MONOLITH SUDDENLY APPEARED, THIS TIME IN ROMANIA.

DO THESE ALIENS NOT WATCH THE NEWS.

AMERICAN MONOLITHS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE.

PLEASE TELL ME THIS MONOLITH DID NOT CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING.

NOW COMES THE NEWS THAT THE MYSTERY MONOLITH VANISHED IN

ROMANIA ON TUESDAY THEN A NEW MYSTERIOUS MONOLITH APPEARED ON

TOP OF A MOUNTAIN A IN CALIFORNIA YESTERDAY, HOW COULD

IT MOVE THAT FAST?

ARE WE DEALING WITH ONE MONOLITH?

OR IS IT IT A PAIR OF DUO-LITHS?

>> FOLKS IT IS NO COINCIDENCE THAT THESE MONOLITHS APPEARED

JUST BEFORE THE GREAT CONJUNCTION OF JUPITER AND

SATURN COMING UP ON DECEMBER 21.

OPEN YOUR EYES, SHEEPLE, THESE MONOLITHS ARE CLEARLY DORMANT

SUPERVISOR SPACE-TIME ENERGY NODES THAT WILL AWAKEN AT A

SPECIFIC PITCH IN THE VIBRATION OF THE ENTER PLANETARY MATRIX TO

HELP US MAKE THE LEAP TO THE NEXT GREAT PHASE OF HUMAN

EVOLUTION REACH BEYOND IMAGINATION AND TOUCH THE VERY

FACE OF GOD, OR IT'S GOING TO TURN OUT TO BE LIKE THE VIRAL

CAMPAIGN FOR MOUNTAIN DEW.

EITHER WAY, I AM HERE FOR IT.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE FORMER DIRECTOR OF THE CYBER

SECURITY AND INFRASTRUCTURE SECURITY AGENCY,

CHRISTOPHER KREBS.