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  • >> James: GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THIS,

  • THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."

  • WE HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT WEDNESDAY, THANK YOU FOR JOINING

  • US, WE HAVE A FUN SHOW TONIGHT.

  • WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH THE ALWAYS BRILLIANTED RIZ AHMED,

  • LATER A PERFORMANCE FROM THE MOST-STREAMED ARTIST IN THE

  • WORLD, PAD BUNNY IS HERE.

  • YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.

  • YEAH.

  • BAD BUNNY.

  • BAD BUNNY.

  • USE WHAT THEY USED TO CALL ME IN HIGH SCAL, BAD BUNNY.

  • >> YOU WERE A BAD BUNNY IN HIGH SCHOOL.

  • >> BIG NIEM, YEAH, YOU KNOW ME, I WAS BAD, MAN, BAD BUNNY.

  • >> I CAN SEE IT.

  • >> LIKE WHAT, YEAH, BAD BUNNY.

  • LIKE I WILL SHOW YOU THE BAD BUNNY, UNDAY I WILL BE THE VOICE

  • OF PETER RABBIT.

  • THAT IS HOW BAD A BUNNY I AM.

  • LET'S TAKE A LACK AT SOME HEADLINES.

  • WITH ONLY TWO MONTHS LEFT OF THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION IS FACING

  • YET ANOTHER POTENTIAL SCAND ALL.

  • ACCORDING TO A NEW REPORT THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT IS

  • INVESTIGATING AN ALLEGED SCEAM WHERE INDIVIDUALS TRIED TO BRIBE

  • WHITE HOUSE OFFICIALS IN EXCHANGE FOR A PRESIDENTIAL

  • PARDON.

  • ST UNCLEAR WHAT THE PARDON WOULD BE FOR BUT FOR STARTERS I'M

  • GUESSING BRIBERY?

  • THE INVESTIGATION IS HAS NOT NAMED THE SOURCE IN THE WHITE

  • HOUSE ACCUSED OF SELLING THE PARDON BUT APPARENTLY IF IS

  • SOMEONE RONALD J BRUMP.

  • MEANWHILE ACCORDING TO OTHER REPORTS PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS BEEN

  • TALKING WITH HIS ADVISORS ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF BRANTING

  • PREEM TIFF PARDONS TO MEMBERS OF HIS OWN FAMILY INCLUDING DONE

  • DON, JR., ERIC, I VANNING AN AND SON IN LAW JARED KUSHNER WHICH

  • MEANS TIFFANY TRUMP IS SOMEWHERE LIKE HELLO, I CAN COMMIT CRIMES

  • TOO.

  • STOP IGNORING ME, DAD.

  • PREEM TIFF PARDONS FOR HIS FAMILY, ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR,

  • DON, JR. SAYS HE DOESN'T NEED A PARDON UNLESS COCAINE IS

  • ILLEGAL.

  • HE'S LIKE COCAINE IS NOT ILLEGAL IS IT, NOT ILLEGAL, IT'S

  • COMPLETELY LEGAL.

  • (LAUGHTER) ANY EXCUSE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE

  • THIS COMES FROM, MY COCAINE ACT OUTS.

  • DON, JR. IT'S NOT LEGAL, IT'S NOT LEGAL.

  • WHAT HIS DPIRL FRIEND CALLED KIM PERLY.

  • >> KIMBERLY, THEY SAY COCAINE IS LEGAL!

  • WHAT!

  • ACCORDING TO LEGAL EXPERTS TRUMP'S CHILDREN MAY NEED

  • PARDONS DUE TO POTENTIAL CONFLICTS OF INTEREST ARISING

  • BETWEEN THEIR BUSINESS DEALINGS AND CONVERSATIONS WITH THEIR

  • FATHER.

  • MEANWHILE JARED KUSHNER NEEDS A PARDON FOR THE TIME HE KILLED A

  • DRIFTER JUST SO HE COULD FEEL SOMETHING.

  • (LAUGHTER) IN OTHER POLITICAL NEWS ATTORNEY

  • GENERAL WILLIAM BRAR HAS APPOINTED A SPECIAL COUNSEL TO

  • CONTINUE INVESTIGATING THE OR I DPINS OF THE TRUMP RUSSIA

  • INQUIRY EVEN AFTER BIDEN TAKES OFFICE.

  • THE SPECIAL COUNSEL IS JOHN DURHAM FRK YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR

  • WITH JOHN DURHAM, HERE HE IS HERE.

  • AS YOU CAN SEE HE IS CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF GROWING HIS

  • OWN COVID MASK.

  • HE LOOKS LIKE SANTA CLAUS.

  • HE LOOKS LIKE SANTA CLAUS, THE ONLY DPIFT SANTA GAVE WAS A FIRM

  • HANDSHAKE.

  • DID YOU SEE THAT, LOOK AT THAT, HE LOOKS LIKE A GOATEE GREW A

  • MAN.

  • I'M NOT SURE WHAT JOHN DURHAM WILL FIND ON THE RUSSIA INQUIRY

  • BUT WILL DEFINITELY GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHAT YOUR MUM'S

  • FAVORITE FLOWERS ARE BECAUSE SHE IS A SPECIAL LADY AND HE'S NOT

  • HERE TO REPLACE YOUR DAD, OQ SPORT.

  • COULD YOU PULL OFF FACIAL HAIR LIKE THAT.

  • COULD YOU.

  • >> YEAH, I COULD BUT I'M HOT AND HOT PEOPLE CAN DO ANYTHING.

  • YOU KNOW.

  • >> James: YOU'VE HAD A LITTLE TRIM DOWN, HAVEN'T YOU?

  • WITHIN KIND OF, YEAH.

  • >> James: I CAN SENSE A TRIM DOWN.

  • >> YEAH, THAT'S LIKE MY OLD HAIR STYLE, THAT PICTURE.

  • >> James: WELL, YOU HAVE TAKEN THIS AWAY, TAKEN THIS AWAY AND

  • PUT A SORT OF-- .

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: WITHIN THESE DPIES ARE SO FAST.

  • >> James: THAT WAS REMARKABLY FAST.

  • >> THAT WAS THE FASTEST I HAVE EVER SEEN.

  • >> James: LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN?

  • HOY CAN THE GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT DO THAT SO QUICKLY, LIKE WHEN WE

  • SEE A PICTURE OF A BLURRED PENIS ON A ROB THE O, YOU ARE LIKE YOU

  • WILL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE END OF THE DAY FOR THAT, SORRY BOSS.

  • OH, LOOK AT THAT.

  • >> NICE, DAMN.

  • WOW.

  • WOW.

  • >> James: I AM ACTUALLY NOT MAD AT THAT.

  • >> NO.

  • >> James: LET ME SEE-- LOOK AT THAT.

  • >> Reggie: WOW, THAT'S A NEW JAMES.

  • >> James: ISN'T IT.

  • YOU NOT SURE ABOUT IT HAGAR?

  • NO.

  • DOESN'T LOOK AND FEEL LIKE-- OH, OH, NOW COME ON.

  • COME.

  • >> I TOLD YOU.

  • >> James: YOU DID TELL, YOU SAID, YOU'RE HOT, YOU CAN PULL

  • ANYTHING OFF WITHIN THAT, THAT GUY MAKES LIKE MAKES HIS OWN

  • SWRERKY AT HOME, THAT SELLS FOR A LOT OF MONEY.

  • FOR THE MONEY, HE DOES IT BECAUSE HE PASSIONATELY BELIEVES

  • IN THE TRUTH OF ORGANIC JERKY.

  • >> I USE FOR MONEY TO MAKE CANOES FOR URBAN YOUTH.

  • >> James: WE'RE HAVING FUN, NICE, WE'RE ALL HAVING FUN.

  • AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS.

  • MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY BACK HOME ARE VERY, VERY EXCITED ABOUT

  • THIS NEWS.

  • TODAY THE UNITED KINGDOM GAVE EMERGENCY APPROVAL TO PFIZER

  • CORONAVIRUS VACCINE BECOMING THE FIRST WESTERN COUNTRY TO DO SO.

  • I MEAN THEY WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE SURE THE NEXT SEASON OF

  • GREAT BRITISH BAKING SHOW JUST GETS-- THEY ARE LAKE GO, GO,

  • PROTECT PRU AT ALL COSTS.

  • PRU, THEY SAID PRU LEAVE WILL BE THE FIRST PERSON TO GET THE

  • VACCINE IT WILL BE HER, THEN THE QUEEN, THEN FRONT LINE WORKERS.

  • >> ARE THEY GOING TO PUT A BLOCKY PLASTIC PRIMARY COLOR

  • SYRINGE.

  • >> YES, TO MATCH WHATEVER NECKLACE SHE IS WEARING THAT

  • DAY.

  • WHAT ABOUT THAT, BRITAIN, BRITAIN WINS.

  • YEAH, LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO REWRITE HAMILTON.

  • >> FINALLY.

  • >> James: LIKE YOU'LL BE BACK.

  • FOR A VACCINE.

  • YOU MUST NEIL IN FRONT OF THE QUEEN-- KNEEL IN FRONT OF THE

  • QUEEN.

  • ♪.

  • >> WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS, A FISHERMAN HAS FOUND WHAT

  • THEY BELIEVE TO BE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST BLOB OF WHALE VOMIT.

  • AND GET THERE BECAUSE IT CONDITION TAINS A SPECIAL TYPE

  • OF ALCOHOL USED IN PERFUMES THE VOMIT BLOB IS WORTH OVER $3

  • MILLION.

  • SEE, I WOULDN'T EVEN THINK TO ASK THE VALUE OF IT.

  • I WOULD OOB LIKE OH, NEARLY STEPPED IT THAT.

  • LIKE APPARENTLY THE WHALE VOMIT IS SO VALUABLE BECAUSE IT

  • CONTAINS A TYPE OF ALCOHOL THAT IS USED IN PERFUME.

  • I DONE KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED.

  • WHO IS TAKING WHALE VOMIT, EXTRACTING THINGS FROM IT, AND

  • GOING YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO, WE SHOULD PUT THIS ON OUR

  • WRIES AND A LITTLE BIT ON OUR NECK.

  • ALSO SAYS IT CAME A CLOSE-- HOW DO YOU EVEN GET IT APPRAISED.

  • WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'VE GOT-- WHEN YOU I HAVE GOT THE

  • WHALE VOMIT, HOW DO YOU KNOW TO GET THAT MONEY?

  • >> Reggie: I WOULD HAVE ASKED YOU.

  • >> THAT YOU DON'T KNOW SWRZ YOU DON'T KNOW.

  • >> YOU GOT YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE SO IF NEITHER ONE OF US,

  • REGGIE?

  • >> James: DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU TAKE IT, DO YOU KNOW WHERE

  • YOU TAKE THE WHALE VOMIT TO GET IT APPRAISED.

  • GET THE MONEY FOR IT, A PRAWN SHOP.

  • (APPLAUSE) >> YEAH, YEAH.

  • >> James: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE.

  • IT-- I WASN'T EVEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT JOKE.

  • IT JUST WHOOSHED IN AND WHOOSHED OUT AND THAT, THAT IS WHAT YOU

  • GET AT 12:58 ON CBS.

  • HERE'S THE CRAZY STORY.

  • DESPITE ORGANIZE-- THEY TOOK EXTRAORDINARY SAFETY MEASURES

  • MORE THAN 41 PEOPLE HAVE TESTED APPROXIMATES TIFF FOR

  • CORONAVIRUS AFTER THEY ATTENDED A NEW ORLEANS SWINGERS

  • CONVENTION.

  • WHAT A SHOCK.

  • IT WAS A SUPERSPREADER SUPER SPREADER EVENT.

  • I ROV THIS, THE ORGANIZERS CLAIM THEY TOOK EVERY PRECAUTION

  • INCLUDING TEMPERATURE CHECKS, SOCIAL DISTANCING IN LINE AND

  • SANITIZING UPON CHECK-IN.

  • I DPES THEY JUST TORE GOT ABOUT THE ONE PART WHERE DOZENS OF

  • STRANGERS DECIDE TO HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER.

  • IT ENDED PRETTY BADLY.

  • DOZENS OF PEOPLE LEFT THE SWINGERS CONVENTION RIDDLED WITH

  • DISEASE AND SOME OF THEM ALSO GOT COVID.

  • (LAUGHTER) AND FINALLY, I DON'T KNOW IF I

  • CAN SWING.

  • I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT.

  • I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE GOT IT IN ME.

  • HAZA, ARE YOU INTO IT, WHAT?

  • >> I'M POINTING AT-- .

  • >> James: FROM WHERE I WAS SITTING, FROM WHERE I WAS

  • SITTING YOU WERE DOING THIS.

  • I NEVER NOTICED YOU WERE DOING THAT.

  • >> I WISH THAT WAS WHAT SHALL-- .

  • >> James: IF I HAD THE BODY AND PHYSIQUE OF GUILLERMO I

  • WOULD NEVER NOT BE SWINGING.

  • I WOULD SWING 2, 4, 7365.

  • BUT FOR EXAMPLE, YOU ARE THE REASON THAT I DON'T THINK I CAN

  • SWING.

  • BECAUSE IF IT ME AND MY WIFE AND YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND, MY

  • WIFE'S LIKE YEAH, OKAY.

  • AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS LIKE, AH.

  • SHE'S DEVASTATED.

  • (LAUGHTER).

  • >> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS, I END UP JUST WATCHING

  • ON EATING A CHEESE AND-- QUESADILLA.

  • I END UP SORT OF WATCHING ON LIKE GOING-- SHALL I, NO, I'LL

  • KEEP WATCHING.

  • HEY, GUILLERMO, GUILLERMO, NO,-- ALL RIGHT, COOL.

  • I THINK THAT IS WHAT SWINGERS DO.

  • (LAUGHTER) IS THAT WHAT THEY DO, DE AIR

  • MOW.

  • >> MY GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTS WATCH THIS SHOW.

  • RELIGE-- RELIGIOUSLY.

  • >> James: THEY DON'T KNOW THAT YOU ARE A COMMITTED SWINGER?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> James: I DON'T THINK IT'S FOR ME.

  • I JUST DON'T HAVE, I DON'T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE THAT PETE'S GOT.

  • I DON'T HAVE IT.

  • THAT IS RINGING A BELL NOW, PETE, DIDN'T YOU GET BACK FROM

  • NEW ORLEANS LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO.

  • YEAH, BUT I WORE A MASK, IT WAS ALL FINE.

>> James: GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THIS,

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B1 james bunny vomit whale pardon cocaine

'Tis the Season for Presidential Pardons

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/03
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