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  • Ladies and gentlemen,

  • a lot been going on in the present,

  • but I think it's time

  • we just paused for a second

  • to look

  • into the future.

  • The future, Conan?

  • (audience cheering)

  • That's right, Sarah Silverman!

  • Let's look to the future

  • all the way to the year 2000.

  • (audience applauding)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • In the year 2000! ♪

  • (audience applauding)

  • (audience laughing)

  • George W. Bush's last month as President

  • will be considered a rousing success,

  • when Bush decides to leave office a month early.

  • (audience applauding)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • Barack Obama will announce his pick

  • for Secretary of State.

  • Domestic terrorist, Bill Ayres.

  • Dammit, why didn't we listen!?

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • Sarah Palin's kids' names,

  • Track, Trig,

  • Bristol, Willow,

  • and Piper

  • will seem normal when we hear

  • what she wanted them to be,

  • Foof, Gimlet,

  • Anus, Lay Lay,

  • and Son of Sam.

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • I will launch my own version

  • of YouTube called "JewTube,"

  • which only features videos

  • of my Uncle Morty clearing

  • his throat in a deli.

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000! ♪

  • In a misguided attempt to be edgy

  • America's beef producers will change

  • their slogan from,

  • "Beef. It's what's for dinner."

  • To, "Beef. Get in the van

  • and don't ask any questions."

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • A secret admirer will send

  • Barack Obama a dozen roses.

  • They will come with a note

  • promising anything and everything.

  • He'll have no idea who they're from

  • unless he's watching this show right now.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (audience cheering)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • The FDA will demand

  • that fast food chains list

  • the health benefits associated with their foods.

  • Unable to think of any

  • the management at Taco Bell

  • will settle for, "deep rectal burning."

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • An elderly woman will slip in the shower

  • and break her hip.

  • Only God will see it,

  • so only God will laugh.

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • (clears throat) The question of,

  • which came first,

  • the chicken or the egg

  • will be answered by an actual eyewitness,

  • Larry King.

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • After discussing the matter privately

  • with dozens of people,

  • Conan O'Brien will realize

  • that he's the only person

  • who faces the tank

  • when he makes number two.

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • I thought everyone did that!

  • (audience laughing)

  • It's more comfortable.

  • Try it!

  • (audience laughing)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • The phrase, "erect clitoris" will be uttered

  • for the first time ever

  • on late night television.

  • However, the phrase, "itchy (bleeps)...

  • will be bleeped.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (audience cheering)

  • In the year 2000 ♪

  • (audience cheering)

  • [Conan] Sarah Silverman, everybody!

Ladies and gentlemen,

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In The Year 2000: Sarah Silverman Edition - "Late Night With Conan O'Brien"

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/11/25
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