Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles (audience cheers) That's the way to lay it down. (audience cheering) (hands drum) All right. We got a big show tonight. I can't waste a lot of time tonight. A lot of, you know, most evenings on this program, I waste a ton of time making faces and (gurgles). (audience laughs) Tonight, I can't really do that too much. We've got too much show, too much good show. And I want to talk about something right away, here on the program. Most people don't know this, but I'm a pretty fashion-conscious guy. (audience laughs) Seriously, I love fashion. Fashion, it's my life, you can tell. So, I was really excited, a couple of months ago, when Isaac Mizrahi, the famous fashion designer, came on our program. Very excited to meet this guy, talk to him, but look at what happened just seconds into the interview. Take a look at this. We have the cheesiest show tonight. There's a microphone on your tie. Yes, yes exactly, yeah. [Isaac] You call that a tie, what you call a tie. What I call a tie? No, I'm sorry, I can't resist. (audience laughs) He went on to say, that he thought my tie was just crap. That's pretty much what he said, in his polite, kind of fashion designer way. But he totally ripped apart my tie and said that he watches the show and he thinks all my ties are bad. It was a humiliating experience for me. It took, I was crushed. (audience moans) Thank you. (audience laughs) I'm glad we have a blinking show pity sign. Anyway. (audience laughs) No, I was really upset that Isaac Mizrahi hated my tie, so I got very depressed for a long time. Then, last week, Isaac called me up. He asked me if he could take me shopping for ties at Barneys. (audience cheers) That's the famous New York department store and I was like, wait a minute, this guy knows ties, I'll do it. I'll go with him. He even let us take one of our own cameras along. Take a look. (upbeat music) We're here at Barneys, we're gonna go tie shopping, right? We're gonna buy ties. What about this? No. This is me going for it. Really, that's the problem. Isn't the point to just go for it? Uh uh. Not that way, you're not going to do it looking that way. I say go for it. I say like just grab life and go for it. You do? Not this tie. Who makes this tie? It's Paul Smith. This is Paul Smith. I'll make up an even better name. Go ahead. Jean B. (audience laughs) Jean B., there you go. Who made this tie? Jean B. You see that? Guillermo Jean B. Ask me who made my tie. Who made your tie? It's Guillermo Jean B. (audience laughs) Paolo Jean B. Ask me one more time. Who made your tie? I told you like five times, what's your problem? (audience laughs) Oh look. Oh look. That's a motif. Christmas. You see that? With not very many presents under the tree. (audience laughs) [Isaac] No, that's depressing. And look at that, that's like, [Isaac] An orphanage. A lonely alcoholic's Christmas. (audience laughs) (upbeat music) Really nice. Okay, that's a deep, that's a purple I hate it. I hate it. Now that you get it on it's own, it's horrible. You like things from afar, but then when you get close. That's the thing. Oh my God, what if you ever like, had a, you know, child and was like, "Oh my baby, I love you, I love, ew, I hate you!" (audience laughs) You should get glasses that make everybody appear that they are 15 feet away. (audience laughs) (upbeat music) That's a gayish thing. Is that the kind of audience you want to go for? We get a lot of gay people, but there are nine gay people that are not watching. And we want to get them watching. Okay, well the surest way to do it is a scarf, but I don't think it's that scarf. I think it's like a cute little sort of Charles Nelson Reilly kind of. Oh! Uh! Uh! (audience laughs) (upbeat music) Yeah, you know what? It's not working on you. I'm telling you. You know why? Because I have elements of pink in my skin. That's right. Which is because I have a urinary tract infection. Oh, you do? You mean like a chick? Like a girl? No, let's not talk. Girls usually have those. No, I have many women's ailments. [Audience Laughs] (upbeat music) You like a knit, you wear a knit tie before? When I see people wearing knit ties, I always think, I always have this desire to dry my hands. (audience laughs) I always want to reach over and dry my hands. What are those, little cherries? Little cherries, yeah, I like that. Do they make other foods on ties? Like a waffle. If they made waffles. So you don't like this? I kind of like it. I actually just want some waffles right now. If we could get some waffles. (audience laughs) Conan, that's gross! Oh, I can't even watch! Oh, that's gross! If you're gonna spend some real money on a tie, let's make it a tie that people can see, if I'm in a dense fog out at sea, they'll see me. I feel that you are buying that tie just so you can make fun of me. Let me think about that for a second. Let me think. I'm a little smarter than you suspect. Let me think. Yes. (audience laughs) Please buy that tie. Please, I'm begging you. Do I have to get on my knees? Come on. That's bad, relax. (audience laughs) I can't high-five you in a Barneys. I'm sorry. I almost high-fived. But if we high-five in a Barneys, it's over. Thank you very much. Thank you. So, you picked out some ties. Yes, I did. And if you don't mind, I'd like to take you to where I shop and pick out some stuff for you. That would be fine, yeah. Is that okay? Yeah, it's near? It's nearby. That's fine. I've never been to Kmart. (audience laughs) You know, this is just as good as Barneys, and I'm being serious, too. You think? Yeah, well Barneys are all, a lot of attitude, but they don't have decals on their escalators. (audience laughs) Now which way is it? Is it this way? (Santa sings) Can we buy that? Can we buy that? (Santa sings) (audience laughs) How do you feel about pants that come with the belt? Come with the belt. Why not go the extra step. Why not have pants, the belt, and then shoes and underwear attached so that you just put these on, and suddenly you're dressed. (audience laughs) Oh look see, this is something you were talking about, where thee sew a sweatshirt hood to a jean jacket. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! Do I look like Eminem? But I want to look like Eminem. Look, you know what I love? I love it when you can buy briefs in bulk. Yeah. It's a lot of briefs. I always liked the pictures of guys in briefs. Okay, like he's trying hard. He's really trying hard. He's way too excited about being in his underwear. Exactly.