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  • How was our weekend, gang?

  • REG, HOW WAS SEDONA?

  • >> IT WAS REALLY COOL.

  • FAIRLY AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL.

  • JUST INSANE GEOGRAPHY.

  • IT'S INCREDIBLE.

  • >> James: WHEN YOU GOT THERE, WERE YOU, LIKE, AH, I COMPLETELY

  • UNDERSTAND WHY THEY NAMED A CAR AFTER THIS PLACE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I IMAGINE.

  • AH, YEAH, IT'S A MID-SIZE, I GET IT, A RENTAL AT THE AIRPORT.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • IT WAS LIKE THE FIRST PROBABLY AMONG THE FIRST THINGS THAT I

  • THOUGHT.

  • >> Reggie: I THINK THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.

  • >> Reggie: THAT'S KIND OF WHY I WENT UP THERE, I WAS, LIKE,

  • DOES IT LIVE UP TO THE NAME?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HEADLINES.

  • OVER THE WEEKEND, PRESIDENT TRUMP SEEMED TO ACCIDENTALLY

  • ADMIT DEFEAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, WHEN HE TWEETED...

  • "HE WON BECAUSE THE ELECTION WAS RIGGED.ù"

  • THAT'S RIGHT, TRUMP FINALLY ADMITTED BIDEN WON.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: BANG!

  • BUT I WILL SAY, TRUMP'S HANDLERS WERE

  • IMMEDIATELY LIKE, "PAY NO ATTENTION, IT WAS JUST A BRIEF

  • MOMENT OF SANITY."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP WON'T EVEN MENTION BIDEN

  • BY NAME, KIND OF WHEN A TEENAGER TALKS ABOUT THEIR EX

  • BEST-FRIEND. "WELL I WAS HAVING A GREAT TIME AT THE MALL UNTIL

  • SHE SHOWED UP."

  • "WHO?" "HER!"

  • BUT AFTER HE REALIZED WHAT HE HAD DONE, THE PRESIDENT LATER

  • TWEETED THIS, IN ALL CAPS...

  • "I WON THE ELECTION!" I'VE GOT TO SAY, YOU'D THINK

  • THIS WOULD BE BIGGER NEWS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LISTEN, AS THE PARENT OF THREE

  • YOUNG CHILDREN, I CAN ASSURE YOU, WE'VE STILL GOT LIKE SIX

  • MORE STAGES OF TANTRUM BEFORE WE FINALLY GET HIM DOWN FOR BED.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S THE THING, SCREAMING

  • SOMETHING DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE.

  • IN FACT, IF YOU SAW A FRIEND TWEET IN ALL CAP "MY LIFE IS

  • GOING GREAT!" YOU'D IMMEDIATELY START TO WORRY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT HE MAY BE SLOWLY ACCEPTING

  • HIS FATE BECAUSE, JUST HOURS LATER, TRUMP POSTED A MORE

  • SUBDUED, LESS SCREAMY VERSION OF THE SAME TWEET, WRITING...

  • "I WON THE ELECTION!" ( LAUGHTER )

  • LOOK AT THAT.

  • WITHOUT THE ALL-CAPS I CAN HARDLY RECOGNIZE THAT AS A TRUMP

  • TWEET.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ALTHOUGH HE DID RANDOMLY

  • CAPITALIZE "ELECTION" TO LET US KNOW HE HASN'T FORGOTTEN HIS

  • ROOTS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU CAN REALLY SENSE HOW

  • DEFLATED TRUMP IS FROM HIS TWEETS.

  • HE'S HOURS AWAY FROM TWEETING...

  • (SAD) "WITCH HUNT OR WHATEVER.ù" ( LAUGHTER )

  • SURE, LOCK HER UP.

  • DO WHAT YOU WANT.

  • YOU ALWAYS DO.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> JAMES: BUT SOME PEOPLE STILL

  • DON'T THINK IT'S OVER.

  • ON SATURDAY, A FEW THOUSAND TRUMP SUPPORTERS GATHERED IN

  • WASHINGTON D.C. TO PROTEST THE ELECTION RESULTS.

  • BUT THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY FALSELY CLAIMED ON

  • TWITTER THAT MORE THAN A MILLION PEOPLE ACTUALLY ATTENDED.

  • I MEAN, IF THIS IS HOW HIS AIDES DO MATH, THEN IT'S WONDER TRUMP

  • THINKS HE WON THE ELECTION.

  • THE PRESS SECRETARY EVEN TWEETED THIS PHOTO TO SUPPORT HER CLAIùu

  • IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A MILLION PEOPLE, BUT KEEP IN MIND A LOT

  • OF THOSE GUYS ARE WEARING CAMOUFLAGE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS KNOWN AS "THE MILLION

  • MAGA MARCH."

  • WHICH IS BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL NAME, "THE CRAZIES

  • THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT KIND OF FLOATS AND GIANT

  • BALLOONS WOULD YOU SEE AT "THE CRAZIES THANKSGIVING DAY

  • PARADE?" WHAT WOULD YOU GET THERE?

  • >> WE'RE TALKING THE CRAZIES THANKSGIVING PARADE?

  • >> James: YEAH.

  • WHAT KIND OF FLOATS?

  • >> James: WHAT SORT OF BALLOONS WOULD YOU SEE?

  • >> MAYBE A FLOUT OF MY EXWIFE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: HANG OPEN.

  • WHAT DID YOU SAY?

  • >> AT THE CRAZIES THANKSGIVING PARADE?

  • >> James: YEAH.

  • THE KIND OF FLOAT WE MAY SEE?

  • >> James: YEAH.

  • HOW ABOUT MY EX-WIFE.

  • >> James: I STILL DON'T GET IT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND I DID THAT THING WHERE I

  • LAUGHED ALONG.

  • >> I THINK HE'S SUGGESTING HIS EX-WIFE IS CRAZY.

  • >> Reggie: SHE'S CRAZY.

  • NOT ONLY DOES SHE HAVE A COUPLE OF SCREWS LOOSE, SHE

  • DRIVES ME CRAZY.

  • ( RIM SHOT ) ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> James: HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M MISSING.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW I'M IN THE MINORITY.

  • IAN SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT'S FUNNY, I JUST DON'T GET IT.

  • DO YOU GET IT, GUILLERMO?

  • >> I WOULD JUST SUGGEST MOVING ON.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LOOK, WHETHER IT WAS -- LOOK,

  • WHETHER IT WAS THOUSANDS OR A MILLION, THE IMPORTANT THING IS

  • THAT THE WHITE HOUSE IS STILL ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO GATHER IN

  • LARGE GROUPS WITHOUT MASKS RIGHT NOW.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA,

  • THE CITY JUST UNVEILED PLANS FOR THE NATION'S FIRST-EVER FLYING

  • CAR HUB.

  • HERE'S AN ARTIST'S RENDERING OF WHAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE

  • SO AN AIRPORT. THEY INVENTED AN AIRPORT.

  • IT'S BEING CALLED A "VERTIPORT."

  • AS IN (SERIOUS NEWS ANCHOR) "THERE WAS YET ANOTHER ACCIDENT

  • TODAY AT THE NATION'S FIRST VERTIPORT..."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LOOK AT -- BRING THAT UP!

  • HOW IS THAT A FLYING CAR?

  • IF YOU HAVE A TWENTY-FOUR-FOOT WINGSPAN, THAT'S NOT A CAR!

  • GOOD LUCK AT THE CARL'S JUNIOR DRIVE-THRU LANE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S MY DEBIT CARD, SHOULD I

  • JUST THROW IT TO YOU?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WOULD YOU DO THIS, GUILLERMO?

  • YOU WERE TRYING TO SHOW ME THE WINGS DR. .

  • >> FLIP IN.

  • >> James: IT DOESENTS LOOK LIKE A CAR.

  • >> IT LOOKS LIKE A COMB.

  • >> Reggie: IT'S MADE BY LILLIAN.

  • IT'S A MULTI-PROPULSION SYSTEM KIND OF GROUND EFFECT VEHICLE.

  • IT'S HARD.

  • YOU CAN'T MAKE CARS LOOK LIKE CARS AND FLY.

  • I'LL SEE YA LATER.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THAT'S TOO MUCH!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THAT'S TOO MUCH!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THAT'S TOO MUCH!

  • BUT THAT'S MY POINT, THEN, DON'T CALL IT A FLYING CAR.

  • >> Reggie: I AGREE.

  • >> James: CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE BECAUSE IF IT'S A FLYING

  • CAR, I WANT IT TO BE A SEDONA.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I WANT IT TO BE A SEDONA AND I

  • WANT IT STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

  • I DON'T WANT IT TO GO TO A VERTIPORT AND TAKE OFF.

  • I WANT TO BE ON THE 405 IN TRAFFIC AND BE LIKE, TWO HOURS,

  • FORGET THAT.

  • SEE YOU LATER, GUYS!

  • THAT'S A FLYING CAR.

  • >> Reggie: I AGREE.

  • >> James: AND FINALLY, JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, THE SNACK

  • COMPANY RITZ IS GIVING AWAY A GIANT TEN

  • INCH CRACKER MEANT TO BE USED AS AN EDIBLE HOLIDAY CHEESE BOARD.

  • HERE IT IS HERE. SO NOW YOU CAN BE LIKE, "DO I

  • WANT AN APPETIZER?

  • I REALLY SHOULDN'T. BUT I GUESS I CAN HAVE ONE CRACKER."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I LOVE THAT PEOPLE AREN'T

  • ALLOWED TO SHARE FOOD BECAUSE OF COVID AND RITZ IS LIKE, "BUT

  • WHAT IF YOU COULD EAT THE PLATE EVERYONE'S BEEN TOUCHING ALL

  • NIGHT LONG?!" ( LAUGHTER )

  • A TEN-INCH CRACKER.

  • IS IT PRACTICAL?

  • NO.

  • BUT IS IT INTERESTING?

  • ALSO NO.

  • THE CRACKER ISN'T FOR SALE.

  • IT'S BEING GIVEN AWAY THROUGH RITZ'S INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT.

  • WHICH EXPLAINS THIS ODD TWEET FROM TRUMP...

  • "I WON THE GIANT RITZ CRACKER!" ( LAUGHTER )

How was our weekend, gang?

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He Won, I WON - Trump's Busy Twitter Weekend

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/11/17
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