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  • - Temecula sounds so fun.

  • I'm from Philly.

  • - Aw that's great.

  • Brennan where are you from?

  • - I'm from New York.

  • - Ugh, that awful place.

  • - Helltown for bastard people.

  • (laughing)

  • Patrick what about you?

  • - Oh, I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio.

  • - I bet that's nice.

  • - Why do you bet that's nice?

  • - It's his hometown.

  • I was just trying to be polite.

  • - You weren't polite about where I'm from.

  • You called it a helltown for bastard people.

  • - Yeah Brennan, you're from New York.

  • It's okay to be rude when you're talking

  • about New York.

  • - I mean it is a rotten tattered asshole

  • full of wretched horrors.

  • - I went there once on a four hour field trip

  • and it wasn't what I liked.

  • - I went there once and there was a trash on the ground.

  • - A whole trash?

  • - A whole trash on the ground.

  • - Okay, what about the subway?

  • - [Ally] The subway.

  • - [Patrick] Don't get me started on the subway.

  • - Brennan are you listening?

  • We're making fun of the place where your family lives

  • and the place that made you who you are

  • because it has the subway, which we don't like.

  • - Interesting.

  • Rekha, how does Philly handle its 24-hour

  • public transit system?

  • - Oh, well we don't have 24-hour public trans-

  • - Oh you don't have that?

  • Fascinating, you don't have that.

  • See in New York, we have a public transit system

  • that transports millions of passengers everyday,

  • seven days a week,

  • 365 days a year.

  • Patrick, what about the one horse russ-bucket

  • piece of shit you crawled out of?

  • They got covered wagons there yet?

  • - Hey man, that's my hometown you're talking about.

  • - Exactly.

  • I've got a hometown too,

  • but you know what I have to do?

  • I have to listen to every gap-toothed yokel

  • with a ticket for the Circle Line

  • talk about their disappointing trip to M&Ms world.

  • Meanwhile, I say word one about whatever strip mall

  • you hay seeds you tumbled out of and I'm the asshole.

  • - Hay seeds?

  • We're all from cit-

  • - Don't you dare say cities.

  • I've had more people up the crack of my ass

  • in a goddamn elevator ride than you bumpkins

  • have got in your quaint little hamlets put together.

  • - Hamlet? Cincinnati is not a hamlet.

  • We have several museums.

  • - Several museums?

  • Well, several museums, you don't say?

  • Buddy, I got museums on my block like you've

  • got Cracker Barrel's on your interstate.

  • You read me?

  • - Yes.

  • - New York is crowded.

  • - Yeah, 'cause you looky-loos keep coming.

  • Stay home and it'll be less crowded.

  • - New Yorkers never smile.

  • - Why would we?

  • You're there.

  • - Yeah, but everyone's so drunk and angry.

  • - That's true, but those people aren't New Yorkers,

  • they're from Long Island.

  • - Well, then why is everyone always talking shit

  • about New York?

  • Nobody ever talks shit about Cincinnati.

  • - That's actually a great point.

  • You never hear people talk shit about Mudville either.

  • - Mudville?

  • - Precisely.

  • You wanna know the real reason you guys all talk

  • shit about New York?

  • (lullaby music)

  • You wanna know why?

  • Because deep down, you wanted to love it,

  • but you couldn't.

  • Because you weren't strong enough.

  • Oh, my apartment's so small.

  • It's not comfy enough.

  • There's not little trees on my little block.

  • Oh, I'm scared because I saw a little rat lay

  • a little egg inside a little vagrant's open knife-wound.

  • - Brennan, isn't this kind of proving our point?

  • - Of course it is.

  • (suspenseful music)

  • Of course it's proving your point.

  • You think I don't know my own hometown?

  • You think I don't know what it's like?

  • I have seen crust punks suck each other off

  • in the open guitar case of a weeping busker.

  • I have stepped in puddles so deep,

  • and so cold, that I was barely the same person

  • by the time I stepped out.

  • And one time, I accidentally went outside

  • during SantaCon.

  • And I loved every second of it.

  • You don't like New York?

  • Fine.

  • Good.

  • More for me.

  • It's not for you anyway.

  • But just because you saw my hometown in your

  • favorite movie doesn't give you the right

  • to talk shit about it right to my face.

  • Be decent.

  • I don't want to have to come for whatever mid-range

  • zip code spawned your country mouse ass

  • after I look up how to roast it in the encyclopedia

  • of places nobody gives a shit about.

  • (slurping)

  • - Okay, well Brennan, if you love New York so much,

  • why are you in L.A.?

  • - I mean I had to get out of there.

  • - I mean, can I just say it?

  • The grind.

- Temecula sounds so fun.

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B2 US brennan york hometown subway trash cincinnati

Don't Trash Talk New York | Hardly Working

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    Yu Han Lan posted on 2020/11/11
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