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  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,

  • EVERYBODY.

  • LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND MR. JON BATISTE.

  • HI, JON.

  • >> HELLO, WHAT'S THE WORD, STEPHEN?

  • WHAT'S GOING ON?

  • >> Stephen: THE WORD IS ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

  • >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, A LOT OF HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE.

  • COME ON, COME ON!

  • >> Stephen: I WANT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT SLIGHTLY.

  • DID YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO MEET ALEX TREBEK?

  • >> I DID NOT.

  • OF COURSE, I'VE WATCHED JEOPARDY I FEEL LIKE SIPS BEFORE I WAS

  • BORN.

  • >> Stephen: I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A QUICK SECOND TO TELL YOU

  • AND THE PEOPLE OUT THERE A VERY QUICK STORY ABOUT ALEX.

  • ON THE VERY LAST EPISODE OF THE COLBERT REPORT, MY CHARACTER

  • GETS ON A SLEIGH AND GOES OFF TO ABHAM LINCOLN AND SANTA INTO

  • ETERNITY BECAUSE EWE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS GUY.

  • WE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SIX MONTHS BEFORE WE DID IT.

  • IT WAS TALKING TO JON STEWART AND I SAID I WANT IT TO BE

  • LINCOLN, SANTA AND ME AND THERE HAS TO BE A FOURTH PERSON, I'M

  • NOT SURE WHO I'D WANT TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH, AND HE GOES, ALEX

  • TREBEK.

  • I SAID, THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

  • SO I CALLED UP ALEX AND SAY, WOULD YOU DO THIS AND HE SAID, I

  • WOULD BE HAPPY TO, BUT MAY I ASK, WHY ME?

  • I SAID, YOU'RE A CULTURAL FIGURE UP THERE WITH LINCOLN AND SANTA

  • AND LOOKS LIKE YOU WOULD BE A NICE GUY TO SPEND ETERN WITH,

  • AND HE SAID, THEN I WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO.

  • I WANT TO SAY TO EVERYONE SPENDING ETERNITY WITH ALEX

  • TREBEK, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE A KIND MAN JOINING YOU NOW.

  • >> Jon: AMEN, AMEN.

  • >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

  • OF COURSE, AS MUCH AS WE'RE ALL CELEBRATING THIS UNDOUBTEDLY

  • GOOD NEWS, THERE'S STILL THAT NAGGING HORROR MOVIE FEELING

  • THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, AND CORONAVIRUS IS ABOUT TO JUMP

  • OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH A CHAINSAW.

  • THIS WEEKEND, THE UNITED STATES PASSED 10 MILLION CORONAVIRUS

  • CASES.

  • AND "THE U.S. HAS THE MOST REPORTED COVID-19 CASES OF ANY

  • COUNTRY IN THE WORLD."

  • AAAHHH!

  • , AAAHHH!

  • , BUT, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE

  • THIS ADMINISTRATION SURRENDERED TO THE VIRUS, THERE IS HOPE THAT

  • THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

  • >> ON MONDAY, I WILL NAME A GROUP OF LEADING SCIENTISTS

  • AND EXPERTS AS TRANSITION ADVISORS TO HELP TAKE THE

  • BIDEN-HARRIS COVID PLAN AND CONVERT IT INTO AN ACTION

  • BLUEPRINT THAT WILL START ON JANUARY 20, 2021.

  • THAT PLAN WILL BE BUILT ON BEDROCK SCIENCE.

  • >> STEPHEN: THAT'S GREAT!

  • AND, IF WE ACCEPT ALL THE BEDROCK SCIENCE, WE CAN ALSO GET

  • OUR CARS OFF FOSSIL FUELS!

  • AND BIDEN MADE GOOD ON HIS WACKY NEW "TRUST SCIENTISTS" PLAN

  • TODAY, WHEN HE UNVEILED HIS COVID-19 ADVISORY BOARD. A GROUP

  • OF PUBLIC HEALTH EXPERTS-- ALMOST ALL OF WHOM ARE DOCTORS.

  • I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST THIS GROUP.

  • DOESN'T HAVE ONE PRESIDENTIAL SON-IN-LAW AND, FARCE I CAN

  • TELL, NONE OF THEM INVENTED A PILLOW.

  • THIS BOARD IS A WHO'S WHO OF WHO'S SMART.

  • YOU GOT VIVEYK MORTHEE, SURGEON GENERAL UNDER OBAMA, MARCELLA

  • NUNEZ-SMITH, FROM YALE, AND MOST DELICIOUS OF ALL RICK BRIGHT,

  • "THE TRUMP WHISTLEBLOWER," WHOSE "DIRE EARLY WARNINGS ABOUT

  • THE PANDEMIC WENT IGNORED," AND WHO WAS "ULTIMATELY FIRED AFTER

  • SPEAKING OUT."

  • RICK BRITE.

  • OOH, THAT'S GOTTA STING, MR. TRUMP!

  • NOT ONLY IS BIDEN TAKING YOUR JOB, HE'S ALSO DATING YOUR EX!

  • AND YOU KNOW THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME LAUGHING ABOUT HOW

  • TINY YOUR PLAN WAS.

  • BUT DON'T WORRY, AND THEN ALSO WORRY, BECAUSE THIS

  • ADMINISTRATION IS STILL IN OFFICE, AND THEY ARE HARD AT

  • WORK PRETENDING TO BE HARD AT WORK.

  • BECAUSE "TODAY, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS, MIKE PENCE HOSTED

  • A WHITE HOUSE CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE MEETING."

  • AWWWWKKWWAARD (AS PENCE)

  • "FIRST ITEM ON THE AGENDA: IS ANYONE HERE HIRING?"

  • MEANWHILE, ACTUAL PEOPLE WHO KNOW STUFF ARE DOING... THINGS.

  • PFIZER, THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE VIAGRA, JUST ANNOUNCED THAT IN

  • TRIALS, ITS "VACCINE WAS MORE THAN 90% EFFECTIVE IN PREVENTING

  • THE DISEASE."

  • THE FASTEST SUCCESSFUL VACCINE TRIAL OF ALL TIME!

  • AFTER HEARING THAT, IF YOUR ERECTION LASTS LONGER THAN FOUR

  • HOURS, SAME.

  • AND PFIZER'S COVID TRIAL ISN'T THE ONLY GOOD NEWS.

  • TODAY "THE DOW SURGED MORE THAN 800 POINTS IN ITS BIGGEST RALLY

  • IN FIVE MONTHS ON THE PFIZER VACCINE NEWS" AND THE NEWS THAT

  • "JOE BIDEN WAS DECLARED VICTORIOUS."

  • (AS BIDEN) "HEY WALL STREET, HOW YA LIKE ME

  • DOW?" ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND, OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT CHIMED IN "STOCK MARKET UP BIG,

  • VACCINE COMING SOON.

  • REPORT 90% EFFECTIVE.

  • SUCH GREAT NEWS!" WELL IF YOU THINK THAT'S GREAT

  • NEWS, WAIT 'TIL YOU HEAR WHO'S GONNA BE PRESIDENT IN JANUARY!

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DEMOCRATIC STAR, AND THE WOMAN

  • WHO FLIPPED GEORGIA, STACEY ABRAMS.

  • ♪ ♪

♪ ♪

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B1 jon alex stephen pfizer trebek biden

Joe Biden Names A Pandemic Panel Led By Doctors And Scientists, As Pfizer Reports Good Vaccine News

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/11/10
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