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♪ ♪ ♪ >> JAMES: HELLO, GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW."
THERE'S A BUZZ IN HERE.
IF YOU HAD SEEN US WALKING AROUND, THERE'S SPRINGS IN THESE
HERE STEPS, BECAUSE WE HAVE SOME BIG NEWS TO ANNOUNCE.
REALLY BIG, HUGE.
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME TO SAY THIS AT THE END
OF A STRESSFUL WEEK, AND WE CAN FINALLY SAY IT -- HENRY GOLDING
IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT IN STUDIO!
LIVE, HERE, RIGHT THERE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL ALSO BE CHATTING WITH
AUTHOR AND PROFESSOR OF AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDIES DR. MICHAEL
ERIC DYSON.
AND LATER ON, WE'VE GOT A PERFORMANCE FROM THE DELIGHTFUL
ELLA MAI, SO STICK AROUND.
I THINK THAT'S ALL THE NEWS.
( LAUGHTER ) ONE OTHER THING, BEFORE I
FORGET, IT LOOKS LIKE JOE BIDEN WILL BE
THE 46TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
(CHEER BUTTON) WE THINK.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
I HAVEN'T SLEPT PROPERLY IN A LONG TIME, SO I CAN'T TELL IF
ANY OF THIS IS REAL.
I MEAN, IT'S A FRIDAY, WHY ARE WE EVEN ON THE AIR?
WE DON'T TAPE FRIDAYS?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHO ARE YOU?
WHAT?
THIS IS HOW MY DAY STARTED, MY WIFE GOT A TEXT AT 5:00 A.M.
FROM ONE OF THE MUMS AT OUR CHILDREN'S SCHOOL, AND I MEAN
THE LAPTOP IN THEIR BEDROOM.
THE TEXT SAID, TURN ON THE TV, THE ANNOUNCEMENT IS IMMINENT.
THAT WAS AT 5:00 A.M.
WE TAPED THE SHOW AT 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON AND NOTHING'S CHANGED
SINCE THEN.
IT WAS 2:53, RIGHT, ROB?
>> 253.
253 AT 5:00 A.M., AND EVERYONE WAS SAYING, IT'S THE
SAME.
I SAID, ARE YOU KIDDING?
THEY'RE ADDICTED TO THIS!
ARE YOU JOKING?
THEY'RE NOT TURNING OFF.
THEY'VE SAID THE SAME THING FOR 16 HOURS NOW.
THEY'RE CRAZY FOR THESE DUDES TAPPING A SCREEN!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SCREENS WHEN THE ELECTION IS
DONE, ROB?
>> PUT THEM AWAY FOR FOUR YEARS.
>> James: BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE ONE.
>> Reggie: IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN.
>> REG HAS ONE.
>> James: YOU HAVE ONE THAT'S ALSO PROBABLY A WATCH.
I WOULD LOVE ONE.
I WOULD BE LIKE, KIDS, GATHER IN.
THIS ROOM, THIS ROOM AND THIS ROOM HAVEN'T BEEN CLEANED.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IF YOU LOOK -- IF YOU LOOK
HERE, NOW THIS IS COMING IN TO ME NOW, MAX, YOU LEFT YOUR
DINNER OUT, WHICH MEANS YOUR POCKET MONEY GOES DOWN TO --
IT'S COMING IN NOW -- THERE, 38%.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING
ON AND THIS ALL KICKED OFF THIS MORNING WHEN DECISION DESK HQ,
THEY WERE THE FIRST OUTLET TO CALL THE STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA
AND THEREFORE CALL THE ENTIRE ELECTION FOR JOE BIDEN.
AND IT WAS, LIKE, THAT'S IT.
I MEAN, IT'S ALL WRAPPED UP.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE'LL EVER HEAR FROM DONALD TRUMP.
( APPLAUSE ) DONE!
NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OTHER NETWORKS HAVE CALLED THE RACE
AND THIS TIME -- I TELL YOU WHO I FEEL BAD FOR.
I FEEL BAD FOR THE WHITE HOUSE AIDE WHO RIGHT NOW IS RUNNING
AROUND SWITCHING THE WHITE HOUSE TO ALL THE TVs TO A CHANNEL
THAT STILL SAYS IT'S TOO CLOSE TO CALL.
( LAUGHTER ) IMAGINE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IN
THE WHITE HOUSE AT THE MOMENT.
IF YOU WORK IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND YOU HAVE BEEN THERE 25
YEARS, YOU MUST BE JUST WALKING AROUND LIKE, OH, TOUGH DAY.
AND THEN TURN A CORNER AND WAS LIKE -- (LAUGHING) -- SORRY,
IVANKA, IT'S A TOUGH DAY.
JARED, YOUR LUNCH IS ON ITS WAY.
(LAUGHING).
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THIS H NEWS IS A HUGE CAUSE
FOR CELEBRATIONS, IF WE WERE ALLOWED TO HAVE CELEBRATIONS.
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT THIS IS FOR JOE BIDEN.
I IMAGINE HE'S LETTING HIS HAIR DOWN AND GETTING INTO A LITTLE
MALARKEY.
AVIATORS ON, COUPLE OF ICE CREAMS, AND SAYING, GUYS, I KNOW
I SAID NO MALARKEY, BUT IT'S TIME FOR SOME MALARKEY.
>> Reggie: MALARKEY TIME.
>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT DECISION DESK HQ IS, REG?
>> Reggie: SOUNDS LIKE HEADQUARTERS FOR A SPECIFIC DESK
THAT, LIKE, ANNOUNCES THINGS OFFICIALLY.
>> James: THAT MAKES DECISIONS.
>> Reggie: YES.
>> James: IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT.
I THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THOSE -- LIKE A POLITICAL
VERSION OF ONE OF THE -- YOU KNOW THE RANDOM CELEBRITY -- THE
THINGS THEY CALL LIKE, YOU KNOW, CELEBRITY BUZZ WORLDWIDE.
>> YEAH.
>> James: AND THEY'RE LIKE AT THE BOTTOM OF A WEB SITE AND IT
HAS EIGHT SQUARES, YOU CAN'T MAKE ONE OUT AND IT JUST SAYS
SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS HOW MADONNA CHEATED DEATH!
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
OR SAID SOMETHING LIKE BILLY JOEL IN PARACHUTE ACCIDENT!
( LAUGHTER ) AND YOU'RE, LIKE, THAT CAN'T BE
RIGHT, BUT I'LL CLICK ON IT, AND IT WILL SAY, BILLY!
CLICK THE NEXT SLIDE, AND JOEL!
LIKES PARACHUTES NEVER DIED.
NEXT ONE.
YOU KNOW THE SITES I'M TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?
FIVE SIGNS YOUR DOGS ARE COMMUNIST.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S IT.
BUT LOOK AT US, GANG!
THIS IS WHAT GOOD NEWS FEELS LIKE.
I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN HOW TO SMILE.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: IS THAT MY SMILE?
CLOSE.
>> James: IS IT?
>> Reggie: THAT'S LIKE A SCHOOL PICTURE SMILE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
MEANS?
THIS MEANS TRUMP COULD BE THE FIRST ONE-TERM PRESIDENT IN 28
YEARS.
THE LAST PRESIDENT TO LOSE A REELECTION WAS GEORGE H.W. BUSH,
AND I KNOW THESE ARE THE KINDS OF HISTORICAL FACTS THAT YOU
COME TO ME FOR.
TRUMP COULD BE THE FIRST ONE-TERM PRESIDENT IN 28 YEARS.
COINCIDENTALLY 28 YEARS IS EXACTLY HOW LONG THIS WEEK HAS
FELT.
THIS ALSO MEANS THAT KAMALA HARRIS WILL BE THE FIRST FEMALE
AND THE FIRST PERSON OF COLOR TO BE ELECTED VICE PRESIDENT IN
AMERICAN HISTORY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) INCREDIBLE!
ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!
ONE THING IS CERTAIN, HISTORY WILL REMEMBER HER NAME EVEN IF
FOX NEWS CONTINUALLY MISPRONOUNCES IT.
SO WE'RE GOING TO GET AMERICA'S FIRST FEMALE AND PERSON OF COLOR
VICE PRESIDENT WHICH IS A HUGE DEPARTURE FROM MIKE PENCE WHO
WAS AMERICA'S LEAST FEMALE AND PERSON OF COLOR VICE PRESIDENT.
IT'S AMAZING IN A COUPLE OF YEARS FROM NOW WE WILL ONLY
REMEMBER MIKE PENCE' NAME BECAUSE A FLY ONCE LANDED ON HIS
HEAD.
THAT WILL BE THE DEFINING MOMENT OF HIS TIME AS VICE PRESIDENT.
I GUARANTEE YOU, YOU WILL BE SOMEWHERE AND GO, WHAT IS IT,
HAD THE FLY ON HIS HEAD -- MIKE PENCE!
THAT'S IT!
( LAUGHTER ) AND THE PRESIDENCY MAY NOT ONLY
BE TRUMP'S LAST LOSS.
FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS AGO HE'S BEEN GET PROTECTIONS ON TWITTER
BECAUSE HE'S HEAD OF STATE, BUT IF HE KEEPS TWEETING AS A
CIVILIAN HE COULD BE PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM THE SITE.
A TWITTER-FREE TRUMP WOULD TAKEN GETTING USED TO.
TRUMP WITHOUT TWITTER, LIKE GUY FIERI WITHOUT HAIR GEL.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, LOOK, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY,
FOR MANY OF US, A CELEBRATORY DAY.
BUT WE HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT FOR MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE
WATCHING, THIS IS A DAY THAT'S TINGED WITH SADNESS.
IT IS.
WE ARE A NATION DIVIDED AND A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HAD TO SAY
GOODBYE TO SOMEONE THEY'VE GROWN VERY MUCH, I'M REFERRING TO
MSNBC'S ELECTORAL EXPERT, STEVE CKANAKI.
>> WE HAVE ONE IMPORTANT STEP.
WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS -- THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS LIKE BEING IN
CHURCH YOU DON'T WANT TO OFFEND THE CHURCH ELDERS HERE.
IT JUST CAME UP.
SO TO REFRESH THE SITUATION, SO EXCITING, SO ENTHUSIASTIC.
>> OH, BOY, LOOK WHT YOU JUST DID.
♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) >> James: WE'RE GOING TO MISS
YOU STEVE!
SEE YOU SOON BUDDY.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TALK WITH DR. ERIC MICHAEL DYSON.