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  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, LADIES

  • AND GENTLEMEN, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME

  • FRAMING THE MOST INFORMATIVE PANORAMIC SHOTS, AWAITING THE

  • TOPICAL GOLDEN HOUR TO CAPTURE THE MOST BREATHTAKING STORY

  • VISTAS, AND ASSEMBLING IT ALL INTO THE DAVID

  • ATTENBOROUGH-NARRATED NEWS DOCUMENTARY THAT IS MY

  • MONOLOGUE.

  • BUT ONCE IN A WHILE, I GRAB AN OLD CAMCORDER, A SIX-PACK OF

  • NATTY ICE, AND RUN AROUND THE WOODS HALF-NAKED AND HAMMERED TO

  • CREATE THE BLURRY, FOUND-FOOTAGE SASQUATCH VIDEO OF NEWS THAT IS

  • MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, ANOTHER RESTAURANT QUHAIN HAS CLOSED,

  • FRIENDLIES.

  • QUARANTINE WHILE, DISNEY RESEARCH JUST UNVEILED A

  • SKINLESS HUMANOID ROBOT WITH CREEPY LIFE LIKE EYES.

  • JIMMY, CAN WE SEE IT?

  • OH, GOD!

  • I'M SORRY, THAT'S THE NEW C.E.O.

  • OF DISNEY.

  • BOB CHAYPEK.

  • CAN WE LOOK FOR THE ROBOT PHOTO?

  • WHILE WE'RE WAITING, DISNEY ENGINEERS SAY THEY'RE WORKING

  • TOWARD "THE DEVELOPMENT OF A SYSTEM FOR LIFELIKE GAZE,"

  • BECAUSE "PEOPLE WHO MAKE MORE EYE CONTACT WITH US ARE

  • PERCEIVED TO BE SIMILAR TO US, AS WELL AS MORE INTELLIGENT,

  • CONSCIENTIOUS, SINCERE, AND TRUSTWORTHY."

  • ALL RIGHT, DO WE HAVE IT?

  • GREAT.

  • LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ROBOT IN ACTION.

  • OH, YEAH.

  • YEAH.

  • YEAH, UH-HUH.

  • I'M REALLY GETTING "SIMILAR TO ME" AND "TRUSTWORTHY" VIBES.

  • I'M SURE IF WE WERE ON A MARS MISSION TOGETHER, I'D TRUST THIS

  • THING TO BITE OUT MY THROAT AND SHOVE MY CORPSE OUT THE AIRLOCK.

  • "NO, I DON'T KNOW WHERE COMMANDER COLBERT IS.

  • WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME?

  • I'M JUST A SINCERE, TRUSTWORTHY ROBOT WHO IS SIMILAR TO YOU.

  • COME, LET'S LOOK IN THE AIRLOCK."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, BRITISH

  • HIGH-END STORE MARKS AND SPENSER HAS CREATED THIS SPECIALTY

  • PASTRY FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

  • WHICH IS GREAT.

  • WHAT'S NOT SO GREAT?

  • THEY ANNOUNCED IT BY TWEETING "WHO WANTS A BITE OF SANTA'S

  • YUMNUT?" THAT EXACT PHRASE HAS GOTTEN

  • MANY PEOPLE FIRED AT THEIR OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

  • WOULD YOU CARE FOR A BITE OF SANTA'S YUMNUT, DARLING?

  • WHAT?

  • SHE'S MY WIFE.

  • >> IT'S STILL IN THE WORKPLACE.

  • >> Stephen: MY APOLOGIES.

  • I'M SORRY.

  • I'LL SEE YOU AT THE FORCED REEDUCATION CAMP.

  • I ALSO LIKE THAT THEY WERE SO CONCERNED ABOUT SOMEONE STEALING

  • THE NAME "YUMNUT" THAT THEY TRADEMARKED IT.

  • (HIGH CLASS BRIT) "QUICK, NIGEL!

  • SECURE 'YUMNUT' FROM THEFT!

  • ALSO, LOCK DOWN 'GOBBY HOLE,' 'JAMMY NIPS,' AND 'BUM CRUMPET.'

  • THERE'S A GOOD LAD."

  • LEGALLY, EVERYONE IN ENGLAND IS NAMED NIGEL IN COMEDY BITS.

  • YES, NIGEL!

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, A BRITISH WILL LOOK DIFFERENTLY THIS YEAR

  • BECAUSE THERE'S NO SITTING ON SANTA'S LAP AND A CLEAR SHIELD

  • BARRIER BETWEEN SANTA AND FAMILIES.

  • SORRY YOU COULDN'T HUG SANTA.

  • IT'S NOT SAFE.

  • SLEEP AND WAIT FOR HIM TO BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND IF YOU'RE

  • VERY GOOD YOU CAN HAVE A BITE OF HIS YUMNUT.

  • WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT THE

  • ELECTION.

  • STICK AROUND.

  • ♪ ♪

♪ ♪

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B2 santa robot quarantine nigel trustworthy bite

Quarantinewhile... Stephen Wonders If He Should Trust This Creepy Robot

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/11/06
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