MAN, IMAGINE PEOPLE JUST TUNING IN NOW, LIKE BIDEN HAS WON,

THEY'RE ALL CELEBRATING AND SOMEONE GETS A TEXT, ST UNDER

CBS IS DOING HONEST HEADLINES, NO WAY.

BIDEN WON AND HONEST HEADLINES, THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY EVER!

THIS ONE FROM CBS THAT SAYS FLORIDA MAN JAILED AFTER

ASSAULTING 7-ELEVEN WITH SLURPEE.

THAT WAS THE HEADLINE, THE A HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE READ

ASSAULT AND SLATTERY, ONE FROM THE DAILY MAIL THAT I SAS

BOYFRIEND DIVED INTO A FISH TANK TO RETRIEVE AN ENGAGEMENT, THE

HONEST ONE SHOULD HAVE READ FOOLISH LOBSTER THOUGHT THIS MAY

FINALLY BE THE ONE.

>> HERE'S ONE FROM NPR READS STUDY FINDS PAINTING EYES ON

COW'S BUTT CAN SAVE THEIR LIVES.

THAT IS THE HEAD LINE.

THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE READ MAN HAS TO COME UP WITH

EXCUSE AND FAST.

HERE'S A HEAD IAN FROM "THE NEW YORK POST" AND IT READS

RENAISSANCE PAINTER RAPHAEL GAVE HIMSELF A NOSE JOB IN

SELF-PORTRAIT, THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE READ

RAPHAEL DID IT FOR THE GRAM.

THAT IS A SHAME.

IT WAS HARD TO BEAT THE THE LAST ONE.

HARD TO BEAT THE COW [BLEEP].

>> JUST FUNNY TO IMAGINE THAT SCENARIO OF A GUY DOING THAT.

>> James: THAT IS WHY IT IS FUNNY.

THAT IS WHY IT IS FUNNY.

>> JUST THINKING ABOUT THAT GUY PAINTING EYES ON A COW'S BUTT.

OH BOY, THEY CAUGHT ME, I NEED AN EXCUSE, THE-- THE LAUGHS COME

TRAILING IN.

>> James: YEAH.

I WONDER IF YOU COULD UNPACK EVERY HONEST HEADLINE FROM A

COMEDIAN PERSPECTIVE.

>> LET ME KNOW.

>> James: ALL RIGHT, HERE'S ONE FROM FOX NEWS, AND IT READS

COLORADO ZOO LIVE STREAMS GIRAFFE BIRTH, THAT IS THE

HEADLINE.

THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE READ HERE COMES THE HEAD AND THE

NECK AND THE NECK AND THE NECK.

BECAUSE GIRAFFES ARE TALL.

>> ONE OF THE TALLER ANIMALS AND SPECIFICALLY IN THE NECK AREA.

>> James: EXACTLY.

YOU'RE RIGHT, THE LEGS ARE LONG BUT THERE ARE OTHER ANIMALS WITH

THAT AREA OF LEGS T IS REALLY A NECK-BASED ANIMAL.

>> RIGHT, RIGHT, PROCESS OF ELIMINATION, THE NECK IS THE

FUNNY PART, YOU KNOW.

>> James: HERE'S HEADLINE COMES FROM ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

T READS GEORGE R.R. MARTIN SAYS-- WILL BE DIFFERENT IN THE

BOOK.

>> IT SHOULD HAVE READ GEORGE R.R. MARTIN STILL WRITING "GAME

OF THRONES" BOOK FOR SOME REASON.

BECAUSE IT'S DONE, WE FEEL LIKE IT IS FINISHED.

>> PEOPLE MOVED ON AFTER THE HBO PROGRAM WAS OVER.

>> James: BUT HE IS STILL WRITING THE BOOKS.

>> YEAH.

>> James: FOR SOME REASON.

I THINK THERE IS MORE PEOPLE WATCHING THIS IN THIS ROOM THAN

ARE WATCHING THIS ON TV.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Reggie: DEFINITELY.

I MEAN.

>> I THINK WE ARE GOING TO BE ON VERY, VERY LATE AT NIGHT IF WE

ARE ON.

>> James: YOU THINK THIS WON'T BE ON 12:307.

>> IF BIDEN ON TRUMP GIVES A SPEECH THEY MIGHT GO TO THAT

BEFORE THEY GO TO YOU, NO INSULT.

>> YOU ARE A REAL PIECE OF [BLEEP], YOU KNOW THAT.

(LAUGHTER).

>> James: HERE'S THE HEADLINE THAT COMES FROM CNN AND IT READS

COLLEGE STUDENT SAYS A PROFESSOR TOLD HER NOT TO BREASTFEED

DURING ONLINE CLASS.

THAT IS THE HEADLINE.

THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE READ IF HE FINDS THAT

DISTRACTING TRY BEING MILKED BY A TINY LITTLE PERSON.

>> HERE'S ANOTHER HEADLINE FROM CNN AND IT READS DISNEY PLUS NOW

LET'S YOU BINGE WATCH WITH FRIENDS VIRTUALLY.

THAT IS THE HEADLINE.

THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE READ ADULTS REALLY INTO DISNEY

STILL WATCHING ALONE.

DO YOU FIND THAT WEIRD?

DON'T YOU.

>> THAT IS WEIRD.

>> JUST ADULTS IN GENERAL.

>> JUST ADULTS, WHEN YOU GO TO THE PARK, AND YOU SEE LIKE A

COUPLE IN THEIR 30S.

WITH LIKE ALL THE GEAR ON.

>> YOU KNOW THEY ARE GOING HOME AND HAVING SEX ON MICKEY MOUSE

SHEETS.

>> James: YEAH, I DON'T GET IT AND THEY LIKE YEAH, I SEE THEM

COMING I'M LIKE IN HERE GUYS.

I WALK IN LIKE A GIANT SLURPEE AND GOOFY OUTFIT OR SEE THEM

GETTING PHOTOS.

WITH LIKE YOU KNOW, BUZZ LIGHT-YEAR.

LIKE A GUY TAKING A PHOTO OF HIS WIFE WITH LIKE MEHTA FROM CARS

2.

YOU KNOW ALL THE TIME HE'S LIKE WHAT DO YOU DO.

>> HERE'S ONE, HERE IS THE HEADLINE FROM FOX NEWS, AND IT

READS MIKE TYSON SAYS HIS 2020 VOTE WAS THE FIRST OF HIS LIFE.

THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE RED TIESON PUNCHED BALLOT,

BECAUSE HE'S A BOXER.

>> ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS PUDGE ILIST.

>> James: HE IS KNOWN FOR PREDOMINANTLY BOXING AND A IMHON

THING PEOPLE SAY HE PUNCHED A BALLOT BUT IT WORKS IF BOTH WAYS

BECAUSE YOU PUNCH A BALLOT BUT ALSO SUCK HIM INTO A JAW BONE.

>> WE CAN CHALK THAT RIGHT UP TO WORD PLAY.

>> James: WE CAN CHALK THAT ONE UP TO WORD PLAY, THAT IS

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

WE CHALKED IT UP, A WORD PLAY CHALK.

OKAY.

HERE'S ONE WERE FROM PEOPLE.

AND IT SAYS AMERICAN PERFECT THEIR COFFEE MAKING SKILLS

DURING PANDEMIC, THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD HAVE READ IT WAS

THE BARISTA TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES.

WHERE ARE WE CHALKING THAT ONE.

>> WE JUST NEEDED SOMETHING TO FILL IN THERE.

>> James: WE DID, WE NEEDED SOME DOWN TIME BEFORE THIS NEXT

ABSOLUTE BANGER.

>> CLEAR THE RUNWAY.

>> HONEST HEADLINE FINAL JOKE, PERMISSION TO LAND.

WITHIN AND FINALLY HERE'S THE HEADLINE FROM THE HUFFINGTON

POST THAT READS PIZZA SHOP OWNER THAT WARTS RONERY BY TOSSING PIE

AT SUSPECT.

THAT WAS THE HEADLINE.

THE HONEST HEADLINE, THAT IS A SPICY PIZZA.

>> WHEN WE COME BACK WE'RE TALKING TO HENRY WINKLER.