I owe you an apology.

I've made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment.

I just want to say Sorry, I want to talk to you guys in this video.

It's been hot.

The YouTube apology and its inherent disingenuousness has become its own genre to the point that people are caused playing as them.

The apology video is such a part of our zeitgeist that public relations professional hunter Frederick went on the record to advise the key to a good apology.

Video is authenticity and owning up to the mistakes made.

It also helps in the YouTube sense, to turn monetization off so it doesn't look like a money grab.

Bad apology videos are longer than 10 minutes, he says.

An overly emotional videos tend to get lost with the viewers.

I have no shame in admitting I have watched like hours and hours of apology videos.

I think there's something inherently fascinating about them, which is probably why they rack up so many views.

But almost all of the ones that I've seen are pretty emotionally manipulative.

The only exception, in my opinion being Jenna Marbles, who made a 47 minute video, genuinely taking accountability for her lack of knowledge of how to take care of a fish.

Incredibly sorry it did not mean to disappoint anybody or make anyone mad or do wrong by any animals.

So again, I really apologize.

And I hope that if you are looking into getting some fishies, just don't do what I did.

Just don't don't do it.

And her 12 minute video acknowledging the racist things she's done in her past that that was never my intention.

It's not okay.

It's shameful.

It's awful.

I wish it wasn't part of my past.

And the reason I think Jenna's apology videos Air genuine is because she doesn't try to make excuses for her behavior.

She actually seems to reflect on how it's problematic, own up to it and vowed to do better.

I mean, I don't know Jenna personally, but from what we can see of her behavior post apology online.

She does what she says, even when it's leaving her channel to reflect on how she can move forward.

I'm not sure that I want to continue doing stuff on this channel, and I don't wanna put anything out in the world.

It's gonna hurt anybody.

So I need Thio be done.

On the other hand, most of the apology videos I've seen have the tell tale signs of emotional manipulation.

Ah, huge one being excessive crying.

I mean, there are a compilation videos online where people edit down an apology video to just the crying.

And sometimes it's 2 to 5 minutes, which is an odd choice when the video has been clearly edited and you could have taken all of that out.

I mean, I think it's fine to say you were crying.

I was like sobbing all day on Thursday.

But to showcase full minutes of you sobbing when you're supposed to be taking accountability for something that's called weaponizing your tears and trying to get the sympathy and forgiveness of your audience through emotional manipulation means so much more to me than that you guys are worth so much more than that, and you guys are my family.

These videos also heavily dodge responsibility, often placing it on a third party as a result of all of the poisonous lies that were fed to me by Shane Dawson and Jeffrey Star, or on their humanity and imperfection.

I'm an imperfect person.

I have no emotional outlets in my real life, But I'm not strong all the time.

Now, years later, I look back at that and and I talked about this before.

But I When I say I hate that person, I mean it in the most intense way possible.

I hate that person so much.

That person was filled with sadness, filled with anger about their own issues, uh, in the closet, constantly projecting on others, just like I don't know, just that that person is someone who I don't like seeing or, you know, they acknowledge some agency, but still there, ultimately a victim, too.

Yes, I'm a grown woman.

I'm smart.

I can usually spot deceit and manipulation a mile away.

But my guard was down from being heart broken, and I allowed myself to be worked by Shane, Jeffrey and others.

It feels especially duplicitous when the Apologize er follows up with some public charity move that it's so obviously damage control for anyone watching.

I want you to know you are not alone, and most of the time crisis passes.

So if you or anyone you know, feels alone or trapped I encourage anyone to call or even Texas suicide or crisis hotline.

One girl even made an apology video for her apology video, which is an inception that I don't think needs to exist.

And the reason why these videos don't ring true for us is because we consensus that there's no intention on the apologizes part to change their behavior.

It's a performative, purely self preservation.

I'll move.

And now that I said that I'm gonna take accountability for my actions, I really hope that you'll like comment and subscribe at If you forgive me, I also have some new merch.

So I hope you buy that, too.

Hey, a lunch order is like, Okay, Can you order me the salmon, truffle sashimi and a green salad dressing on the side?

Okay.

Where was I?

You have the transcript cry for 20 seconds?

Okay, Eso story.

But I think what we can learn from the YouTube apology video phenomenon is something that we often overlook in our own personal lives.

I mean, how often have you gotten into a conflict, or like a family member, a friend or a partner, and the problematic behavior in question?

Whether it's perpetuated by you or them keeps repeating itself time and time again.

An apology with no intention or action or reflection to fix the root of a behavioral problem is basically taking an L.

So the other person shuts the hell up, whether it's intended or not.

Apologies without change behavior can't be manipulation.

And we know this.

We've probably done this as early as when we were kids, Like when we said, Oh, we're so sorry Next time, we'll for sure do our homework before we go outside and play.

We've had this done to us in relationships when someone chronically cheats and they promise it's never gonna happen again and they're so sorry they hurt you.

We may even have this in our family dynamic.

When we have a parent who promises to show up this time, and when this time doesn't happen, they ask for forgiveness and another chance.

For the record, I don't think anyone is bad.

I don't think anyone does this to be a bad person.

I think it's really rare to meet someone who's actually trying to inflict harm on someone else.

But intention doesn't matter as much as impact.

I could intend not to kill someone.

But if I do it, do you think my apology is gonna make a difference?

Sorry.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

It was an accident.

Just wake up.

And next time I promise I'll stop joking you.

When you asked me Dio I mean to be fair, you didn't ask me.

You just kind of looked at me.

You didn't say anything.

I mean, you were being choked, but still.

I'm sorry, Maddie.

Just wake up.

And this is the difference between a genuine apology and one that's manipulative.

Are we willing to examine ourselves and the issue at hand?

If we're the person who's hurting someone, are we willing to put down our defenses and hear them?

And more importantly, are we willing to put in the effort to change?

Because, I mean, we're all gonna mess up one point or another.

I mean, we have hurtful biases and behaviors and patterns, and conflict in this world is inevitable.

But the only thing in our control when that conflict happens is how we choose to react, how we choose to integrate that into our lives moving forward and how genuine we could be when we say I'm sorry and I promise I'll do better.

I'm Anaconda and thank you so much for the patrons responding this video also thank you to square space for pardoning for today's video.

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