I'm Jimmy Fallon, anchoring hour 30

of NBC's election-night coverage.

Come on. It's 2020.

Did you really think last night would end up wrapped up

with a neat little bow?

Seriously, today, it felt like waking up with a hangover,

then realizing you're still at the bar.

"What time is it?"

What a long, emotional, and confusing ride this has been.

It's like a Matthew McConaughey car commercial that won't end.

Meanwhile, you think you're stressed.

Imagine how President Trump feels.

In two months, he's either getting

inaugurated or incarcerated.

It was a crazy night.

Here's what most people heard

right before they went to bed.

-Too close to call.

-Too close to call. -Too close to call.

-Too close to call. -Too close to call.

-Yeah, the one thing we know for sure is, no more polls.

That's it. Done, okay? No more polls, alright?

From now on, the only time Americans want to hear

about a poll is if they're talking about Santa

or strippers.

♪♪

Yep, today, pollsters saw a different blue wave

right as they were slowly walking into the ocean.

At this point, I'd rather hear predictions from

the guy trying to guess my weight at a carnival.

Pollsters were basically us when we really think

we've nailed a parallel park but then get out of the car

and see we're about 14 feet from the curb.

It's like, "Honey, look out.

You don't want to scrape the bottom of the do--

Oh, actually, well, we could fit a Le Car

between where we parked and where the..."

-Le Car. [ Laughter ]

I knew you'd laugh at "Le Car."

From now on, when you release a poll,

just say both candidates are tied

with a margin of error of 100.

As we speak, some states are still tallying the votes.

Somehow, Chuck E. Cheese can count a million tickets

on the spot, and we still can't count the votes in three days?

I can't take the suspense anymore.

My stress eating has gone from brownies to ice cream

to just pouring raw cake mix down my throat.

Yep, the race is still too close to call.

Apparently, a lot of voters looked at

90,000 COVID cases a day and thought,

"Sure, I can do four more years of this."

Experts still can't believe the race is this tight.

Apparently, people were voting based on which candidate

they want to drink bleach with.

But one of the big stars of the election night

was America's sweetheart

and MSNBC political correspondent Steve Kornacki,

who is on our show this evening.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Guy was working the touch-screen map like a magician.

All night long, he was shown on the "Kornacki Cam."

You see that?

MSNBC basically treated him like

a panda that was about to give birth.

Last night was incredibly tense,

and you could tell the newscasters were feeling it.

Even CNN's graphics guy, who does the banner

at the bottom of the screen, was stressed out.

Take a look at this.

-And when Florida's close, it comes down to the I-4 corridor.

-But a tremendous amount of Democratic vote

are still outstanding at...

-You know, that's nearly 30 points there -- 28 points.

-That puts him at 17,000, 18,000 votes.

-With this wild and different 2020,

mail-in voting, in-person early voting.

If he saw this and, say, it's past midnight...

The question is,

is that just the early votes or are there votes?

Wayne County...

-And they are going to count ballots

that come in postmarked by Election Day.

-It was no longer off the map,

like they thought it was after 2016.

-And, so, what I'm trying to do is

identify where, specifically, in this county...

-He's moving to Belgium.

He's moving to Belgium.

Well, very early this morning, Biden spoke to a drive-in crowd

in Wilmington, Delaware, and he told us that we need patience.

But I'm not sure it's one of America's strengths.

I mean, if a TikTok video isn't fun in the first 3 seconds,

we're like, "Ah, next."

Yeah, we just have to be patient in a country

that literally invented a Domino's tracker

so we know exactly when our pizza will arrive.

Like, "It's in the oven, honey! It's in the oven!

He's almost here! He's almost here!

Honey, wave to him. Make sure he knows it's us."

But this is very interesting.

Joe Biden actually got more votes

than any other candidate in history.

-Wow.

-Yeah.

So, once again, how is this even close?

Meanwhile, Trump spoke from The White House

early this morning, and he seemed upset

that the results weren't immediately called in his favor.

Watch this.

-We were getting ready for a big celebration.

-Oh, yeah. -Yeah.

-We were winning everything.

And, all of a sudden, it was just called off.

Literally, we were just all set to get outside

and just celebrate something that was so beautiful, so good.

-Aww. That's too bad.

I'd hate for the election to get in the way of a good party.

Yeah, Trump also lashed out at the voting process

and made a pretty bold claim.

Take a look at this.

-This is a fraud on the American public.

This is an embarrassment to our country.

We were getting ready to win this election.

Frankly, we did win this election.

-Yeah. If you're keeping track, in the same speech,

Trump claimed the election was a fraud and an embarrassment

and then declared victory.

I don't think we should correct Trump.

Just nod along, put him in a fake White House,

and let him spend the next four years

thinking he's in charge.

Who cares, right?

Well, as you can might expect, Trump has been

tweeting a lot today, and you could tell he's getting worried,

because one of his posts said...

Dude, they're not finding votes.

They're counting them.

Because no one wanted to leave the house

because there's a pandemic!

Gosh!

Trump's getting close to being like,

"Okay, forget about the votes.

Let's measure this thing in retweets."

Oh, and before we go any further,

here's some extremely important election news.

-Voters in New Jersey have passed

a constitutional amendment

legalizing recreational marijuana.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-That's right -- weed is legal in New Jersey.

You just know there's already guy walking around

in a tie-dye track suit.

He's like, "Excuse me.

You guys like, uh...

You guys like Phish?

You like the Phish?

Like the Phish.

May wake up with a fish in your bed. A fish."

♪♪

Listen, when you're home to the Jets and Giants,

you got to make drugs legal.

Now that weed is legal, New Yorkers

driving into New Jersey are gonna go from

rolling their windows up to rolling them down.

It's like, "Ahh!"

And this makes sense.

Once Jersey legalized weed, they also voted to put a Wawa

on their state flag.

So far, legalized weed has been a little rough.

Every time the mob buries a snitch, they forget where.

But if you think legal weed is a big deal,

just listen to what Oregon did.

-Oregon voters passing measure to decriminalize

small amounts of cocaine, heroin, and other drugs.

-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. A small amount of heroin?

Who is only doing a small amount --

Show of hands -- does anyone know someone

who casually does heroin?

Just a little bit?

"I just do it on the weekends.

Yeah, I do it sometimes when I drink."

I do heroin -- a little bit."

And, finally, earlier today,

Gap tried to send a message of unity over Twitter

by posting a short video of a red-and-blue hoodie

with the caption...

Kind of weird, right?

Trying to bring the country together

when your name is The Gap.