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  • >> James: HELLO, GOOD EVENING,

  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW."

  • I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING LIKE ANYBODY'S WATCHING THIS RIGHT

  • NOW.

  • WE TAPE THIS AT THREE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON.

  • BY THE TIME THIS AIRS, THERE COULD BE A NEW PRESIDENT OF THE

  • UNITED STATES.

  • WE DON'T KNOW.

  • NOBODY KNOWS.

  • NOBODY IS WATCHING MSNBC SAYING, WHAT IS IT, 12:37?

  • WE SHOULD POP OVER AND SEE WHAT JAMES CORDEN IS GOING TO SAY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I THINK LESS OF CBS FOR HAVING

  • THIS SHOW ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

  • IT WAS A STRETCH.

  • AND I WAS THINKING I WONDER HOW REG HANDLES THIS STRESS.

  • YOU'RE GOOD IN THESE MOMENTS.

  • WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

  • >> I HAVE A TUFTY BASTING BAG FULL OF MARIJUANA SMOKE.

  • AND I WATCHED THE NEW VERSION OF "THE WITCHES."

  • >> James: ON HBO MAX.

  • THAT'S WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT?

  • HONESTLY, THE RIGHT CALL.

  • WHAT ABOUT YOU, IAN?

  • >> I HAD A BUNCH OF PISTACHIOS AND WATCHED "PRIDE & PREJUDICE."

  • >> James: I WAS VERY PROUD OF YOU LAST NIGHT, I WAS TEXTING

  • YOU LAST NIGHT, AND YOU MANAGED TO STICK TO THE DIET.

  • >> I STUCK TO THE DIET.

  • IT WAS SO HARD.

  • >> James: THAT'S INSANE TO ME.

  • >> THERE'S SO MUCH LEFTOVER HALLOWEEN CANDY AT ME HOUSE.

  • >> AND YOU DIDN'T TOUCH IT.

  • >> NOT FOR A SECOND.

  • THERE WAS HEAVY FLIRTATION.

  • THE TENSION IN THE ROOM WAS PALPABLE.

  • BUT I KEPT MY CHASTITY.

  • >> James: I WISH I HAD DONE THE SAME.

  • I ORDERED A CURRY.

  • I DRUNK THREE GLASSES OF WINE.

  • I DID NOT HAVE A GOOD TIME.

  • BUT WE DO HAVE HAVE A GREAT SHOW PLANNED FOR YOU TONIGHT.

  • THE LEGENDARY HENRY WINKLER WILL BE HERE, LATER A PERFORMANCE

  • FROM THE KILLS.

  • STICK AROUND FORB THAT BUT FIRST LET'S TALK ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

  • OBVIOUSLY THE ELECTION WAS MUCH CLOSER THAN ANYONE HAD PREDICTED

  • DESPITE A LARGE TURNOUT FROM VOTERS, THERE WAS NO CRACKING

  • BLUE WAVE.

  • I MEAN HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

  • EVEN AFTER THE DEMOCRATS GOT THE CAST OF PARKS & RECREATION TO

  • REUNIT OVER ZOOM THINK ABOUT IT, THE, TIRE CAST, I THOUGHT THAT

  • WOULD BE THE TURNING POINT, I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT DIDN'T SPEAK

  • TO REPUBLICAN VOTERS.

  • I DON'T.

  • BUT AS WE-- THE COUNTING CONTINUES.

  • >> LIKE I SAID WE TAPED THIS IN THE AFTERNOON.

  • WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN NOW AND AIR TIME.

  • WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT BIDEN PICKED UP WISCONSIN AND MICHIGAN

  • TODAY AND YEAH, BUT DON'T, JUST DON'T, LIKE YOU KNOW, EVEN SAYS

  • IN THE TELEPROMPTER THINGS ARE ROOKING GOOD FOR HIM RIGHT NOW

  • AND I FEEL WEIRD EVEN SAYING THAT.

  • BUT LAST NIGHT WITH EVERYTHING STILL UP IN THE AIR BIDEN

  • ADDRESSED A DRIVEIN CROWD AND URGED HIS SUPPORTERS TO BE

  • PATIENT WITH THE PROCESS.

  • >> AS I SAID ALL ALONG, ST NOT MY PLACE OR DONALD TRUMP'S PLACE

  • TO DECLARE WHO HAS WON THIS ELECTION.

  • THAT IS THE DECISION OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

  • BUT I'M OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THIS OUTCOME.

  • >> James: BIDEN MAY BE OPTIMISTIC BUT DID YOU HEAR ALL

  • THAT HONKING FROM THE CARS?

  • THAT IS NOT SUPPORT, THAT IS DEMOCRATS TRYING TO DRIVE INTO

  • CANADA.

  • (LAUGHTER) THEN AT 2 A.M. PRESIDENT TRUMP

  • GAVE A SPEECH URGING HIS SUPPORTERS TO REMAIN CALM WHILE

  • EVERY SINGLE VOTE IS OFFICIALLY COUNTED, I'M KIDDING, HE DIDN'T.

  • >> IN IS A FRAUD ON THE AMERICAN PUBLIC THIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT

  • TO OUR COUNTRY.

  • WE WERE GETTING READY TO WIN THIS ELECTION.

  • FRANKLY, WEÑi DIDÑiTGz THISÑiñrç ELECTION.

  • >> James:ñr HE TRIED TO UNDERMINE THE ELECTION AND CLAIM

  • THAT HE WON.

  • THE COUNTRY WAS SHOCKED.

  • IN A COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS DONALD TRUMP DID

  • EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO DO.

  • I MEAN LET'S SEE, FRAUD ON THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, EMBARRASSMENT

  • TO OUR COUNTRY.

  • THIS SEEMS LIKE A WEIRD TIME FOR TRUMP TO JUST START LISTING HIS

  • ADMINISTRATION'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

  • (LAUGHTER) DO WE SEE THE PHOTO OF TRUMP

  • THERE AGAIN, LOOK AT THAT T IS A SHAME THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY

  • AMERICAN FLAGS LYING AROUND.

  • COULD HAVE REALLY USED ONE OR TWO AS A BACK DROP, YOU KNOW?

  • BUT THIS COULD BE A LONG CONTENTIOUS FIGHT BETWEEN THE

  • TRUMP AND BIEDEN TEAMS.

  • THERE WILL PROBABLY BE RECOUNTS.

  • BOTH SIDES ARE ALREADY PREPARING LAWSUITS.

  • ONE POLLSTER PREDICTED THAT THIS COULD GET UGLY, COULD IT?

  • I WOULD HATE FOR THIS TO SUDDENLY TURN UGLY.

  • (LAUGHTER) ALTHOUGH THERE IS ONE THING WE

  • DID LEARN LAST NIGHT IS THAT POLLSTERS DON'T KNOW [BLEEP]

  • (LAUGHTER) I MEAN POLLSTERS KNOW [BLEEP]

  • ALL ABOUT [BLEEP], CAN YOU IMAGINE.

  • LIKE IF ANYONE IN THIS ROOM WAS THAT CONSISTENTLY BAD AT THEIR

  • JOB, NONE OF US WOULD BE ASKED TO COME TO WORK TOMORROW, FOUR

  • YEARS AGO PEOPLE ARE LIKE YOU KNOW, WE ALL HAVE A BAD DAY AT

  • WORK.

  • WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.

  • BUT THIS TIME I WILL SAY IT AGAIN, THEY DON'T KNOW [BLEEP].

  • WHAT EVEN IS, WHAT DO POLLSTERS DO, HOW DOES THIS WORK.

  • >> I THINK POLLSTERS ARE THOSE GUYS AT THE OLYMPICS HOLD THE

  • POLE AND THE-- .

  • IS THAT RIGHT.

  • >> James: PEOPLE THAT DO THE HIGH JUMP.

  • >> POLE VAULT.

  • >> James: POLE VAULT.

  • HOW DO YOU GET INTO POLE VAULTING?

  • YOU NEVER SEE A KID WALKING AROUND WITH A 35 FOOT POLE YOU

  • NEVER SEE A KID, GET INTO POLE VAULT.

  • NEVER HAPPENS BUT I WOULD TRUST THAT KID MORE THAN ANY POLLSTER,

  • BUT ST ALREADY GETTING UGLY BECAUSE JUST THIS AFTERNOON THE

  • TRUMP CAMPAIGN WENT AHEAD AND UNILATERALLY CLAIMED VICTORY IN

  • SEVERAL STATES DONALD TRUMP TWEETED WE HAVE CLAIMED FOR LECH

  • TOLA%S THE PENNSYLVANIA, THE STATE OF GEORGIA AND THE STATE

  • OF NORTH CAROLINA EACH ONE OF WHICH HAS A BIG TRUMP LEAD,

  • ADDITIONALLY WE HEARBY CLAIM THE STATE OF MICHIGAN.

  • NOW YOU KNOW IT'S SERIOUS WHEN HE IS USING "HEREBY."

  • GUYS, THIS IS FORMAL LEGAL TWITTER.

  • TRUMP MIGHT BE RIGHT AM HE REALLY MIGHT T STATES CLEARLY IN

  • THE CONSTITUTION FINDERS KEEPERS LOSERSES WEEPERS.

  • IS THIS HOW IT WORKS HERE.

  • YOU CAN JUST DECLARE VICTORY ANY TIME YOU WANT ON ANYTHING.

  • BECAUSE IF THAT IS THE CASE THERE ARE A COUPLE OF EMMYS I

  • WOULD LOVE TO CLAIM.

  • REG, YOU EVER WON A GRAMMY?

  • >> Reggie: NO.

  • >> James: YOU'VE GOT ONE, BUDDY.

  • >> Reggie: THANK YOU.

  • >> I HEARBY CLAIM FOR ELECTORAL VOTE PURPOSES YOU WON A GRAMMY.

  • WHILE WE ARE AT IT, THE REST OF THE BAND, ACADEMY AWARD, DONE,

  • CONGRATS GUYS, CONGRATS.

  • BUT JOE BIDEN IS PUSHING BACK.

  • DURING A SPEEMP IN DELAWARE THIS AFTERNOON HE HAD THIS TO SAY.

  • >> I'M NOT HERE TO DECLARE THAT WE WON.

  • BUT I AM HERE TO REPORT WHEN THE COUNT IS FINISHED WE BELIEVE WE

  • WILL BE THE WINNER.

  • >> James: HOW IS JOE BIDEN EVEN AWAKE RIGHT NOW.

  • I WENT TO BED AT LIKE 3 A.M. AND I AM EXHAUSTED.

  • AND I'M NOT IN THE RACE.

  • LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO, I MEAN YOU CALL HIM SLEEPY JOE, THE MAN

  • HAS BEEN AWAKE FOR LIKE 72 HOURS NOW.

  • ELECTION DAY HAD ITS CHALLENGES THOUGH.

  • SOME UNEXPECTED PROBLEMS SLOWED THE ENTIRE PROCESS.

  • FOR EXAMPLE REPORTING WAS DELAYED IN GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN,

  • BECAUSE THEY RAN OUT OF PRINTER INK.

  • NOW I SAW THIS, I THOUGHT HAVE THEY TRIED CHANGING THE FONT

  • COLOR TO A DARK BLUE?

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, SOMETIMES IT WORKS, DARK BLUE, DARK GREEN,

  • OFTEN WORKS, YOU KNOW.

  • BUT THIS IS JUST AS THOMAS JEFFERSON SAID, ALMOST 200 YEARS

  • AGO, DEMOCRACY CANNOT PREVAIL WITHOUT A SOLID BACKUP SUPPLY OF

  • TONER CART RIDGES.

  • BUT GREEN BAY ACTED QUICKLY.

  • THEY SAID TO THE VOTERS I STAY IN LINE AT THE POLLS, WE'RE

  • GOING TO GET IN LINE AT THE OFFICE DE POT.

  • REPORTING WAS ALSO DELAYED IN GEORGIA'S LARGEST COUNTY AFTER A

  • WATER PIPE BROKE IN A COUNTING ROOM.

  • THAT WAS NOT THE KIND OF BLUE WAVE THAT PEOPLE WERE HOPING

  • FOR.

  • BASICALLY EVEN THE BUILDING WAS SO STRESSED IT POPPED A FOREHEAD

  • INVESTIGATION EL.

  • -- VESSEL.

  • VOTE IN THE COUNTIES THAT LEADS HEAVILY DEMOCRATIC WERE DELAYED

  • FOR HOURS AS THEY TRIED TO FIX THE LEAK.

  • THE PLUMBER LOOKED COMPETENT ENOUGH.

  • OF COURSE THE CHOICE FOR PRESIDENT WASN'T THE ONLY ISSUE

  • ON THE BALLOT YESTERDAY.

  • FOUR STATES ENDED UP VOTING TO LEGALIZE RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA.

  • ARIZONA, MONTANA, SOUTH DAKOTA AND NEW JERSEY.

  • YEAH.

  • YEAH.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT NEW JERSEY LOOKS LIKE WHEN EVERYBODY'S

  • HIGH?

  • EXACTLY THE SAME.

  • EVEN SOUTH DAKOTA LEGALIZED WEED.

  • ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE ANYONE WANTED TO SEE THAT.

  • OREGON TOOK THINGS EVEN FURTHER VOTING TO DE CRIMINALIZE ALL

  • HARD DRUGS FOR PERSONAL USE INCLUDING COCAINE AND HEROIN.

  • YEAH.

  • HEY THEIR BASKETBALL TEAM ISN'T CALLED THE TRAIL BLAZERS FOR

  • NOTHING.

  • IAN, YOU ARE FROM PORTLAND, WHICH ONE OF THESE SUBSTANCES

  • ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT BEING ON AT THANKS GIVING THIS YEAR.

  • >> I GET ALONG WITH MY FAMILY GREAT, I'M GOING STRAIGHT GRAPHY

  • WILL SO SNEU THIS IS WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU DRIVE INTO

  • ARGONAUT, A SIGN THAT SAYS IF YOU LIVED HERE YOU WOULD BE, ARE

  • YOU HALVING A GLET I AM I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME LET ME TELL

  • BUT THE GREAT TIME I'M HAVING, BY THE WAY THIS DJ IS AMAZING.

  • I ALWAYS THOAT YOU I WOULD BE AN AMAZING DRK J.

  • AMAZING PRODUCTION.

  • IS MEI JAW DOING ANYTHING WEIRD, NO, RIGHT, ANYWAY, MY DAD IS

  • SUCH A JERK.

>> James: HELLO, GOOD EVENING,

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B2 US james pole trump claim bleep laughter

We Hereby Claim We Have No Idea What's Going On

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    賴德謙 posted on 2020/11/05
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