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  • we all know the game telephone, where you whisper a phrase down the line of people and then see how convoluted the message becomes, the further it gets from the source.

  • It's not very fun game.

  • I mean, personally, I prefer Qattan Michelle.

  • If you give me all of your work, I will be your surrogate.

  • When you're ready to have a baby, you can't do that.

  • E my own body.

  • Thes wheels love making deals way more fun than boring ass telephone.

  • Did you just say I'm a loser?

  • A lot of us don't stop playing telephone When we get into adulthood, some of us unknowingly employ a tactic called triangulation.

  • So triangulation is like the smarter cousin of gossip because it's manipulative behavior, whether or not it's intended to be.

  • And I say girls in the title of this video, because in my personal life I've witnessed this a lot between female friendships.

  • But you know, this message actually applies to everyone.

  • Everyone needs to stop triangulating.

  • Triangulation is where one person will not communicate directly with another person and instead use a third person to relay communication to the second, thus forming a triangle.

  • If you've never heard of this term before.

  • It's because it's mainly used in trauma informed therapy.

  • So intentional triangulation is what's most often discussed online and in mental health spaces, because it's a manipulation tactic used by narcissists.

  • Dr.

  • Ramani, a clinical psychologist you may remember from the podcast, describes triangulation as a psychological threesome you did not consent to.

  • So, for example, in an abusive family dynamic, one kid is labeled the good kid, the other bad, and the narcissistic parent will play them against each other.

  • So the kids are incentivized to be dishonest with each other in order to be accepted by the narcissist parent in a romantic relationship, the narcissist may bring in a third person like an X or a colleague to create insecurity and shift the power balance by telling you that they're ex wants them back now or their colleague just keep standing on them.

  • Intentional triangulation can range in its subtlety, but ultimately it's about creating chaos, harnessing that chaos, to keep control and maintaining power in the relationship.

  • But we're not all narcissists, so that's pretty relevant to us, right?

  • Right?

  • Today, I want to talk about unintentional triangulation, especially in front groups Now, even though triangulation in its nature is manipulation, we often do it without realizing it or intending to manipulate.

  • And none of us are bad for doing it.

  • We're usually motivated by pretty innocuous reasons.

  • Like when I was a kid, I was definitely perpetuating on intentional triangulation because I was just so shy and awkward.

  • Mhm.

  • Hi.

  • What can I get you?

  • Mhm.

  • She wants a cosmopolitan.

  • Okay, that would be money, money, money.

  • Mhm.

  • She says Thank you.

  • Tell her I said you're welcome.

  • Be okay.

  • Message receipt by seriously, I could not talk to strangers to save my life.

  • I made my brother by me.

  • So many cosmopolitans in my youth.

  • In addition to being shy, we may employ this because we're afraid of confrontation.

  • Good old conflict.

  • Thank you so much for meeting us.

  • Sure.

  • What's this all about?

  • Why is there a lawyer?

  • He's gonna ask you not to speak to my client to direct all your questions to me.

  • So what we have here is that on October 29 2020 you went into a verbal agreement with my client during a game of Qattan that in exchange for her or you would in fact, be a surrogate when she was ready.

  • Is that correct?

  • That was a joke.

  • I wasn't actually going to do that.

  • Joke How convenient.

  • Especially given that my client gave you all of her.

  • Or during that game, a move which in effect, made her Luke Joeckel.

  • What is this about?

  • Excuse me, Please don't speak to my client.

  • Otherwise this meeting is over and we're gonna go straight into litigation.

  • So what we have for you here is a very generous proposal.

  • You can either fulfill your surrogacy obligations within six months or in perpetuity.

  • Every game night.

  • You will give Ms Macedo all of your or you have until Monday to think about our offer.

  • And then, of course, you have survivors of incredibly talks that gun abusive families who don't know how toe have a direct conversation.

  • Because this behavior was modeled for them as acceptable or they were taught.

  • Direct conversations were just unsafe.

  • Ever since I learned about triangulation, I see it everywhere now.

  • And my hope is that you do too.

  • And when you catch yourself doing it because you inevitably will remember that unclear is unkind.

  • When we love people that means being honest with them.

  • That means, I mean a hard conversation.

  • Every relationship is rupture and repair.

  • Conflict is bound to happen, and it's the way we choose to deal with that conflict over time that creates fulfilling, honest, loving relationships.

  • I'm Anaconda and thank you to the patrons who supported this video and thank you to better help for sponsoring today's video a while ago.

  • Better Help was embroiled in this drama due to someone pointing out legal jargon in their terms of service, which is actually perfectly normal for a company toe have.

  • But it got blown out of proportion, and I've since talked to them.

  • I've also used their service before.

  • My friends have used their service, and so I feel confident about this endorsement and their team and what they're about.

  • So all 11,000 plus counselors on better help, with no exceptions, are licensed, trained, experienced and accredited psychologist, marriage and family therapist, clinical social workers or licensed professional counselors.

  • But our helps mission is to provide anyone facing life's challenges with easy, discreet, professional, convenient and affordable access to professional counseling with a licensed therapist.

  • So you fill out a brief questionnaire about your history and what you like to work on, and then they match you with a therapist they think is gonna be really good.

  • But I do want to say finding a therapist is like dating.

  • You should kind of keep seeing therapist until you find someone you really jive with.

  • Sometimes that is on your first session, and sometimes it takes a few with better help.

  • Scheduling is super easy and flexible, and you pay one low flat fee for unlimited counseling.

we all know the game telephone, where you whisper a phrase down the line of people and then see how convoluted the message becomes, the further it gets from the source.

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One Thing All Girls Need to Stop Doing

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/29
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