It's not very fun game.

I mean, personally, I prefer Qattan Michelle.

If you give me all of your work, I will be your surrogate.

When you're ready to have a baby, you can't do that.

E my own body.

Thes wheels love making deals way more fun than boring ass telephone.

Did you just say I'm a loser?

A lot of us don't stop playing telephone When we get into adulthood, some of us unknowingly employ a tactic called triangulation.

So triangulation is like the smarter cousin of gossip because it's manipulative behavior, whether or not it's intended to be.

And I say girls in the title of this video, because in my personal life I've witnessed this a lot between female friendships.

But you know, this message actually applies to everyone.

Everyone needs to stop triangulating.

Triangulation is where one person will not communicate directly with another person and instead use a third person to relay communication to the second, thus forming a triangle.

If you've never heard of this term before.

It's because it's mainly used in trauma informed therapy.

So intentional triangulation is what's most often discussed online and in mental health spaces, because it's a manipulation tactic used by narcissists.

Dr.

Ramani, a clinical psychologist you may remember from the podcast, describes triangulation as a psychological threesome you did not consent to.

So, for example, in an abusive family dynamic, one kid is labeled the good kid, the other bad, and the narcissistic parent will play them against each other.

So the kids are incentivized to be dishonest with each other in order to be accepted by the narcissist parent in a romantic relationship, the narcissist may bring in a third person like an X or a colleague to create insecurity and shift the power balance by telling you that they're ex wants them back now or their colleague just keep standing on them.

Intentional triangulation can range in its subtlety, but ultimately it's about creating chaos, harnessing that chaos, to keep control and maintaining power in the relationship.

But we're not all narcissists, so that's pretty relevant to us, right?

Right?

Today, I want to talk about unintentional triangulation, especially in front groups Now, even though triangulation in its nature is manipulation, we often do it without realizing it or intending to manipulate.

And none of us are bad for doing it.

We're usually motivated by pretty innocuous reasons.

Like when I was a kid, I was definitely perpetuating on intentional triangulation because I was just so shy and awkward.

Mhm.

Hi.

What can I get you?

Mhm.

She wants a cosmopolitan.

Okay, that would be money, money, money.

Mhm.

She says Thank you.

Tell her I said you're welcome.

Be okay.

Message receipt by seriously, I could not talk to strangers to save my life.

I made my brother by me.

So many cosmopolitans in my youth.

In addition to being shy, we may employ this because we're afraid of confrontation.

Good old conflict.

Thank you so much for meeting us.

Sure.

What's this all about?

Why is there a lawyer?

He's gonna ask you not to speak to my client to direct all your questions to me.

So what we have here is that on October 29 2020 you went into a verbal agreement with my client during a game of Qattan that in exchange for her or you would in fact, be a surrogate when she was ready.

Is that correct?

That was a joke.

I wasn't actually going to do that.

Joke How convenient.

Especially given that my client gave you all of her.

Or during that game, a move which in effect, made her Luke Joeckel.

What is this about?

Excuse me, Please don't speak to my client.

Otherwise this meeting is over and we're gonna go straight into litigation.

So what we have for you here is a very generous proposal.

You can either fulfill your surrogacy obligations within six months or in perpetuity.

Every game night.

You will give Ms Macedo all of your or you have until Monday to think about our offer.

And then, of course, you have survivors of incredibly talks that gun abusive families who don't know how toe have a direct conversation.

Because this behavior was modeled for them as acceptable or they were taught.

Direct conversations were just unsafe.

Ever since I learned about triangulation, I see it everywhere now.

And my hope is that you do too.

And when you catch yourself doing it because you inevitably will remember that unclear is unkind.

When we love people that means being honest with them.

That means, I mean a hard conversation.

Every relationship is rupture and repair.

Conflict is bound to happen, and it's the way we choose to deal with that conflict over time that creates fulfilling, honest, loving relationships.

I'm Anaconda and thank you to the patrons who supported this video and thank you to better help for sponsoring today's video a while ago.

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My friends have used their service, and so I feel confident about this endorsement and their team and what they're about.

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