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  • We have a packed show today,

  • so I wanna get to my first guest right away

  • because I just got my 2020 ballot sent to me

  • for local elections, the big one, the President.

  • I know nothing about politics

  • so I wanna bring on an expert in politics,

  • my friend, your friend, Flula Borg.

  • Flula, hello?

  • Democracy is good, yes!

  • Democracy.

  • Flula can't legally vote-

  • No.

  • in this country

  • because of his German situation, is what we're calling it.

  • Thank you, yeah, keep it vague.

  • So this is great.

  • I have a sticker for when I finish.

  • I feel good about that.

  • So let's go through this ballot.

  • I'm sure if you live in California you have one

  • that looks similar.

  • If you live in a different state,

  • maybe your deadline's passed.

  • This is your official election guide

  • presented by Flula Borg.

  • So the first one on the ballot right here is

  • Nithya Raman verus David Ryu

  • for Los Angeles City General Municipal election,

  • member of the City Council, Fourth District.

  • Yep.

  • What should I fill in here?

  • Well, let me tell you just a little story.

  • So some backstory, Ramen - Monsieur Ramen (indistinct)-

  • invented a soup.

  • The ramen soup? She's in charge of that?

  • She's in charge.

  • This feels like (indistinct) an ancient soup,

  • it's been around for a while.

  • She seems like a younger woman, but.

  • It was passed down from the generations, you know, like,

  • like, like back spasms.

  • (electrifying music)

  • So let's go with Los Angeles community college district

  • member of the board, trustees seat one.

  • Our options are Tori Bailey, attorney, Tustin.

  • Yup. Yup. Pause, I will tell you right away,

  • always select someone that has a nice symbol above a letter.

  • In Germany we have umlauts. I'm loving those dots peoples.

  • So if there are dots,

  • or perhaps a little snippy-snappy above,

  • this is who you pick.

  • Okay. So on Tilde alone, we're gonna go-

  • Well any day. If you're voting, whatever this is,

  • this is Thursday, Sunday, Tilde, any day,

  • that's who you select.

  • (laughs) Okay. This feels like a crime at this point.

  • This bit feels like we're going into a crime.

  • (electrifying music)

  • Judge of the Superior Court- this seems really important.

  • Office number 80. Our options are David A Burger,

  • or Clint James.

  • You Know.

  • Okay?

  • You know, just like with Maguire Jerry,

  • you had me at A Burger.

  • It's a delicious thing.

  • Anything that sounds like tasty calories, they win.

  • My friend, Johannes Sauerkraut, one time ran for

  • a small District of Education seat,

  • in Germany. He lost. Why? Nobody eats it.

  • Okay.

  • (electrifying music)

  • This is what I feel like I've been hearing a lot

  • in the news. A lot of protests. I went to some of these.

  • District attorney Jackie Lacey versus George Gascón.

  • I can tell you why there is an issue.

  • Lacey is running for the first time

  • without her partner Cagney.

  • And so it's was a problem. If it was Cagney and Lacey,

  • everyone would be like, "Yay, great, wonderful times."

  • But because Cagney is now-

  • I don't understand what Cagney is doing.

  • I think running a fish store or something.

  • So this is the issue, it's because Cagney is not available.

  • So she's running at like 50% power, essentially.

  • Just doesn't have- Lacey and Cagney, Okay.

  • No it's Cagney and Lacey, it's Cagney and Lacey, Moses.

  • It's Ca- it's Cagney and Lacey.

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • Okay, that seems like an outdated reference

  • for a comedy duo that I do not know.

  • Oh, Google it!

  • Wow. One of the hottest comebacks of 2009 was Google.

  • Google that.

  • (electrifying music)

  • State measure 17, we're getting onto measures,

  • we're getting onto the props.

  • Oh measure twice, not once.

  • "Restores the right to vote after completion of a

  • prison term."

  • This is an issue?.

  • So you could vote.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah you went to prison, your paid your dues,

  • let them vote assholes.

  • (electrifying music)

  • Measure 19, changes to certain property tax rules.

  • Oh I like that, so vague, Moses.

  • You a property owner?

  • Yes, I just recently purchased three nightclubs,

  • very cheap, during the pandemic.

  • So, oh, this is about this? Yes.

  • I would like to raise all of these taxes.

  • No one is attending my nightclubs currently.

  • I'm (indistinct) hardcore, no one is here,

  • I would like to punish people for not coming to my

  • nightclub. So, yes.

  • You purchased three nightclubs

  • during a global pandemic lockdown?

  • Yes. I purchased the one behind the (indistinct),

  • you know Hotsy Totsy's?

  • Uh yeah, where do you think I got my lip ring?

  • Hello! And also ABCDEFP's also I purchased,

  • Just down the- you know down the street from the PF Chang's

  • on The Promenade. And then I purchansed just

  • a whole basement. It's a garden apartment,

  • it was a techno studio, and now it's mine.

  • So yes, you wanna tax anyone that comes into your club?

  • And doesn't come.

  • (electrifying music)

  • Now we have the big one coming up. I think,

  • I think I'm gonna need some help with this.

  • I need some help with my life at this point.

  • So I'm gonna bring on my next guest

  • if you stick around for a second.

  • You know her from Sona Fixes Your Life.

  • And I think she could fix a lot right now.

  • Please welcome, trusty assistant, Sona Movsesian.

  • Sona do we have you?

  • She is in a pitch black room now.

  • Ah! There I am.

  • You've lost power.

  • Sona!

  • Sona's live.

  • Hi.

  • Pew, pew, pew, pew.

  • From Sona Fixes Your life, Sona,

  • we're going through this ballot and I need your help,

  • and Flula's help. We have the big one coming up.

  • Okay.

  • This is the official California ballot.

  • These are our presidential options.

  • We of course have Biden and Harris, Trump and Pence.

  • We have Roque Rocky, and I guess,

  • vice president, Kanye.

  • Oh!

  • Which I didn't- did you know he was stepped down

  • to vice president?

  • I didn't know that. I thought he was still President.

  • Right. Well, according to this ballot, it's,

  • he's running as the vice president.

  • So I think even he's trying to distance himself

  • from this campaign.

  • Maybe he realized he's not qualified enough for

  • President and he's like,

  • "I am qualified enough for vice president."

  • Ya.

  • I think that was a smart choice.

  • So quote, "Rocky is more qualified."

  • His name is, "Rocky."?

  • Is that a human?

  • Is Rocky a human or is it like a coloring book? What is it?

  • I have literally never heard, outside of the (indistinct),

  • never heard of this human being.

  • (laughs)

  • Would you vote for Rocky? (laughs)

  • Cause like- keep in mind

  • the vice president is not really gonna do a lot.