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  • (crowd applauding)

  • You're quite tall.

  • Hey, I am very tall.

  • You're, how tall are you?

  • Well I'm five-nine Conan.

  • Perfect.

  • How tall are you?

  • Ooh.

  • I know I'm yeah, it's creepy Conan.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • I'm also Irish Catholic, just like you are.

  • Are you seriously?

  • Yeah.

  • That's you, you know, it's funny

  • because everybody knows because of my name.

  • Right.

  • And also because of the red hair and the freckles.

  • Right.

  • People just know that I'm Irish.

  • They just know, but I would think,

  • you don't have that traditional Irish look.

  • I'm what's known as Black Irish

  • which I think had something to do

  • with the Spanish Armada or something.

  • Okay.

  • You're really, you're the authentic Irish.

  • You're like so Irish you're like the forgotten people.

  • The redheaded freckled.

  • Yes.

  • Do you know what I mean?

  • Yes, well I'm like the cliched Irish.

  • Yes.

  • There aren't that many of us.

  • Well, think of the famous redheads throughout history.

  • OB?

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Exactly.

  • Lucy.

  • The only two I can think of were on Happy Days.

  • Right.

  • Lucy.

  • Lucy.

  • A fake, she's a fake redhead.

  • Exactly.

  • But then there's you and you really have to,

  • I just feel for you and your people,

  • you have to carry the weight of your.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Yeah, you know, yeah.

  • Why do you feel for me?

  • Don't you feel the pressure?

  • Cause don't you feel the pressure

  • of being like the most famous redhead?

  • That's, I don't think I'm the most famous redhead.

  • I think you are.

  • Who else is?

  • Remember we've learned tonight

  • that I'm on at 12:30 at night.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • That's what Regis taught us.

  • I'm on at eight opposite Friends.

  • So together we'll make sweet, sweet music.

  • Yeah, your show.

  • You have this new show,

  • and today, you know they gave me this whole dossier

  • and I'm reading.

  • Yeah. Critics, the critics really like this show.

  • Yeah.

  • They say it's smart, it's funny.

  • And then they put it opposite Friends.

  • How does that feel?

  • That piece of crap, it's going down.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Right.

  • Right.

  • Yeah,

  • Wow.

  • That was so convincing.

  • I bet they're all trembling over there.

  • Yeah. It's a, you know, it's bad,

  • but someday things will be better.

  • All you can do is control what you can control, right?

  • That is so true.

  • I believe that, I believe in that kind of zen,

  • worry about your own golf swing.

  • Don't worry about that guy's ice skates.

  • You know what I'm saying?

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Yeah. So.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Re just rattled me man, he just rattled me.

  • Did he?

  • Because he's so loud and he's Irish too.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • It's Irish night.

  • Yes.

  • You didn't know but it is.

  • That's how I book the show now, yeah.

  • I know.

  • I pretty much pull up in a van at an Irish pub,

  • come on in here.

  • Now you used to, you're of course,

  • we do this show in New York city,

  • you're here.

  • Yeah.

  • You're here visiting, you used to live here.

  • Yes.

  • Is that where you started acting?

  • Did you start it in Manhattan?

  • I started acting here,

  • I had my first paying job.

  • I went to college here and everything,

  • I graduated and I got an agent and I had,

  • and they called me and they said,

  • we have a paying job for you,

  • it's so exciting.

  • And they were like, because it's exciting,

  • cause you fit the costume.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • The old Johnny Bravo syndrome

  • on The Brady Bunch, you fit the costume.

  • Right, you're the second person who said that to me.

  • Yeah.

  • And, so what it was Conan was that I was hired

  • to be the world cup soccer mascot,

  • Striker, that is his name.

  • The world cup has a soccer mascot?

  • Whatever, they did then.

  • And what if,

  • (crowd laughs)

  • let me guess.

  • You're the reason they don't anymore, right?

  • Probably.

  • Wait, what, who is Striker?

  • What kind of an animal is Striker?

  • Well, Conan, Striker is a friendly lovable dog and.

  • Soccer and dog?

  • Exactly, yeah.

  • I don't know.

  • I don't get the connection.

  • I don't either, because dogs love balls.

  • I don't know.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • If you're gonna talk that way, I'm gonna leave,

  • read my Regis Philbin book.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • No, no, wait, there's more.

  • Oh yeah, okay, there's more, all right, so?

  • Okay, so the thing is that I'm trying

  • to be a good actor you know?

  • And I'm thinking well, I wear a costume,

  • but I still am playing a character.

  • So I wear the costume and people are being mean.

  • How big is the costume?

  • It's a head,

  • it's like a big paper mache head.

  • Like the one we just had out here?

  • It's sweaty.

  • Yes, yes, like that.

  • So, you know, we.

  • Yes it's like that, but you didn't wear that.

  • Did you?

  • What?

  • The Conan one?

  • Your own Conan head.

  • Yeah, I do at night.

  • Yeah. Well.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • So it was very, very uncomfortable,

  • and people like, people hate characters.

  • Unless you're at Disneyland,

  • people look down on you

  • and they would go up and knock on my head

  • and like talk through my nose.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Oh, that's so rude.

  • I know.

  • They would really bang on the head?

  • Yes, they'd be like, are you a girl dog or a boy dog?

  • They were awful, and then,

  • but then to add insult to injury,

  • they would wanna take their picture with me,

  • and I realized like seven hours into the 20 hour day,

  • that every time somebody went to take their picture with me,

  • I would smile.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • You would smile inside the head?

  • I would smile inside the head.

  • Oh that's so sad.

  • And no one could see?

  • And no one could see.

  • And so by the end of the day, I was so angry.

  • I would just frown.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Yeah, that showed them.

  • That'll show them.

  • That'll show them.

  • Yeah.

  • That picture where my giant head is smiling,

  • I'm frowning inside.

  • I was mad.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Yeah.

  • You'll get yours.

  • That's sad.

  • That was my first job I know it is sad.

  • Well now things are going great.

  • You start low, you work your way up.

  • That's right.

  • The opposite of how I'm doing it.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Gilmore Girls is on Thursday nights.

  • Yes.

  • At eight o'clock

  • on the WB and people really like the show.

  • Yes they do.

  • So check it out.

  • All right, I do already but you should.

  • When there's a commercial on Friends.

  • Yeah.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Yeah.

  • Lauren, thanks for being here,

  • good to have you.

  • Thank you.

  • Lauren Graham everybody.

  • Louis classic.

(crowd applauding)

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