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  • Ladies and gentlemen, as we prepare for take-off, please turn off all electronic devices.

  • Why?

  • What's that?

  • Why do we have to turn off our electronic devices?

  • Because they can interfere with the plane's navigation.

  • Oh, okay.

  • So anyway...

  • How?

  • What's that?

  • How do they interfere with the plane's navigation?

  • Ohh... Because the electronic signals can interfere with the signals between the plane and the radio tower on take-off and landing.

  • Oh, okay! Got you! That makes sense. Thank you!

  • Okay! Ahh, let's all make sure that our seats are fully upright...

  • Wait. I mean I get why I can't have a radio or whatever, but how's my Kindle gonna screw things up?

  • That's a good question.

  • It's not just about radios. All devices have an electromagnetic field that can interfere with the radio frequencies.

  • Ohhhokay. That's good.

  • Alright. Please make sure that all tray tables are...

  • Wait, so you're saying that a 90 million dollar aircraft can't ignore the signal from my 40 dollar iPod shuffle?

  • That's weird.

  • She's right! That is weird.

  • Yeah, now I'm confused again.

  • If they're so dangerous, why do you allow devices on the plane and not…I don't know... gels?

  • Yeah! Could I hold this plane hostage with my 3DS?

  • Some devices are more dangerous than others, but there isn't enough time to go through them one by one.

  • I mean how come the plane doesn't interfere with my phone?

  • And why don't the other phones interfere with my phone?

  • I just always leave my phone on and nothing happens.

  • Yeah...

  • You can't! Everybody no! All electronic devices have to be turned off!

  • I can't turn off my pacemaker.

  • Oh, your pacemaker is fine.

  • Just opens up a whole new can of worms.

  • Yeah yeah...I agree.

  • Airplanes are magic!

  • Okay? No one knows why you have to turn off your phones. And you wanna know why?

  • Because no one knows how an airplane works!

  • A couple of dumbos down in Kitty Hawk took some sticks and some old pants and they glued them together and they fucking flew!

  • And no one knows why.

  • I thought the wings generated lift?

  • Lift?

  • Thrust?

  • No! Scientists want you to think that they figured it out but no one has ever figured it out and now we're just rocketing through space on a 30 ton dumpster running on God knows what magic!

  • And you guys wanna just dig around with that?!

  • I mean who knows what can fuck this shit up! Okay?

  • So turn off your Twitter machines for just 13 minutes while we soar through the clouds like the Sun God Apollo.

  • And just read your fucking skymalls! OKAY?

  • Hey!

  • My sister is pregnant!

Ladies and gentlemen, as we prepare for take-off, please turn off all electronic devices.

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