And that's usually when I catch up with some personal stuff.

You know, I check my in-box or return some e-mails,

and, of course, send out "thank you" notes.

-Whoo!

-Well, I was running a bit behind,

so I thought, if you guys wouldn't mind,

I'd like to write out my weekly "thank you" notes right now.

Is that... [ Cheers and applause ]

James -- James, can I get

some "thank you note" writing music, please?

♪♪

-[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

-Alright. You moved a little bit.

[ Laughter ] A little bit of movement there.

♪♪

Thank you, candy corn, for looking like

a 5-year-old's finger painting of Donald Trump.

[ Light laughter ]

♪♪

Thank you, apple picking, for giving couples

who are tired of getting into fights at Ikea

an outdoor alternative.

[ Light laughter ]

I'm going to put them in the envelope later.

[ Laughter ]

-I mean, wow, you're really just phoning it in today, huh?

[ Laughter ]

There's no gloss.

-No, it's not -- no, there is no --

there's never going to be gloss. -Okay.

So how come you're not putting them in the envelope now?

Because it's the Apocalypse?

-No. I'm not doing it because I figured --

well, it just takes a little extra beat of time.

I'll -- I'll -- I'll lick the envelopes on the next two.

-Dude, after like 17 years

of, like, you know, "Thank You Notes"

where you put it in the envelope,

now, okay, we don't even --

we can't even look forward to that on a Friday.

Great.

[ Laughter ]

-Tariq, not everything can be as glossy as your shoes.

[ Laughter ]

-Yo!

That's it.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

[ Laughter ]

I saw you searching and searching and searching.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter continues ]

You got me. You got me. Okay.

-Alright. Alright. Here we go.

♪♪

Alright, come on, James.

Alright, here we go.

♪♪

Thank you, Dunkin's new Spicy Ghost Pepper Donut

for explaining their new slogan,

"American gets runs on Dunkin'."

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter and applause ]

I did it for you.

That's for you.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

Thank you, pumpkin carving, for teaching kids

that Halloween isn't just about taking candy from strangers --

it's also about playing with knives.

[ Light laughter ]

♪♪

Thank you, leaves turning red, or as trees put it,

"OMG, this is so embarrassing."

[ Laughter ]

-Oho!

[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ]

Ah. America gets runs.

[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

Thank you, removing the A.C. window unit

at the end of summer, for being the only chore

that leads to a possible manslaughter charge

if I do it wrong.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter continues ]

"Pack everything up. We're moving."

[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

Thank you, hot stone massages,

for the calming sensation of being branded.

[ Laughter and applause ] There you have it.

Those are my "Thank You Notes," everybody.