Tomorrow night is the vice-presidential debate

between Mike Pence and Kamala Harris,

and both candidates are getting ready.

And get this -- we managed to get our hands

on some footage of Vice President Pence

preparing for the debate.

Take a look at this.

-All righty. Let's get started.

The vice-presidential debate is tomorrow night,

and the entire world will be half-watching.

We're talking Kamala versus Pence,

David versus Goliath,

the cool girl in school

versus the heroic reverend from "Footloose."

So let's prep. Short for "prepare."

Short for "prepare thyselves.

A woman has entered the mess hall."

-You ready to go, sir? -I am.

This will be the most fun I've had

since Mother and I visited that grain silo.

-First question.

Between COVID in the White House and the climate crisis

taking its toll on the nation,

what's the biggest threat facing America today?

-Well, that's easy.

Rock-'n'-roll music is a Satan-level threat

conjured by the dark power of female magic.

That's why I'm doing everything in my power to bring

barnyard nursery rhymes back into the mainstream.

Next question.

-Mr. Vice President, did you take on any presidential duties

while Mr. Trump was recovering in Walter Reed?

-Why, yes.

I took on several more roles in the White House,

including milk tester and haunted portrait.

Next. -Mr. Vice President,

is the American dream alive and well?

-Well, of course, it is, and I'm proof of it.

My father was a gas-station attendant.

And his father, a slice of white bread

that made a wish upon a star.

The recent economic downturn?

Well, that's just God punishing us for "Animal Crossing."

It's not natural. Foxes shouldn't talk.

-What do you say to young people

who think Kamala Harris speaks for the disenfranchised?

-I say baloney.

The most disenfranchised people in this country

are folks like me -- old white men who believe

open-mouth kisses are a Chinese plot

to destroy the government.

Besides, I too have been connecting with Generation Z,

and I've even tried this new food all the kids

are obsessed with called creamed cheese.

[ Laughter ]

-Sir, President Trump attacked Joe Biden's family.

Would you do the same to your opponent tonight?

-Look, I prefer to keep things civil,

but I swear to Him...

if Kamala makes any snide remarks

about how Mother has to burp me when I eat salted chips,

the gloves are coming off.

-Sir, do you support the Senate healthcare bill

that would protect people with pre-existing conditions?

-I do. In fact, I have a lot of pre-existing conditions myself,

including a tap-water allergy, pajama rash,

and migraines I get whenever I see a dog

that's not fully clothed.

Next question. Matthew?

-Oh. Sir, just pretend I'm Susan Page.

-Who? -That's the moderator.

-Well, I'll probably just address her chaperone, but okay.

-Mr. Vice President, a lot of people are saying

that Kamala is just a more dynamic candidate

than you are.

What do you say to that?

-I say that's why I'm debuting my new catch phrase.

After I make a good point, I'm going to say,

"Now, that's a spicy soda pop."

-Jesus Christ. -Is he here?

-Sir, here's a question.

Will you step down from the vice presidency...

-Yes! -...if you lose the election?

-Sir, please come back.