I brought up that, of course,

Max going at maximum the street band,

gonna be playing in Houston.

[Man] Hmm.

And which will be very ironic because tonight on our show

involves a guest.

Involves Houston.

We're gonna have for the first time ever Hilton the

chainsaw guy.

Now let me explain a little background here

in case you're confused.

We recently had a contest on our show involving two of our

sponsors in the city of Houston.

You see folks in Houston,

unlike the rest of the country,

our show comes on at 02:10 in the morning.

That's two and a half hours after Jay says,

"stay tuned for Kona".

(crowd laughing)

They show, this

two and a half hours, right?

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Jay says that, and that's like

when Jay Leno tells you something,

that's supposed to be a pact with the American people

[Man] Exactly.

He's giving his word

[Man] Exactly.

This mean creepy cruel

station in Houston,

doesn't show us, they're mad at us for some reason.

And they delay us and they show outtakes from MOD.

The old MOD series.

That's what they show.

They show Bea Arthur pumping and

[Man] I wish.

Yeah right.

See, that makes sense.

Right.

Now they show all kinds of random stuff.

They show like Richard Simmons sobbing, some show where he

just cries or something.

They show all kinds of

crap for two and a half hours.

And then finally,

finally our show comes on.

In what's really 02:10 in the

morning is crazy.

And being on at that late hour means you get some

interesting sponsors.

All right.

Some really interesting sponsors.

So we decided to pit two of these sponsors against each

other in a contest where

our viewers get to pick their favorite pitchman.

Well, a couple of weeks ago

we announced the winner

Hilton of Hilton Furniture.

Let's take a work, it's a

(laughing)

It's Friday.

Thank you .

Dyslexia, please.

Let's take a look at some of his work.

Hilton here, Hilton Furniture and Mattress.

Announcing the big price cut.

(chainsaw roaring)

We are cutting prices on wood.

Bedroom and dinner room for a limited

We're cutting prices on mattresses too.

Hilton Furniture and Mattress big price cut sale.

Because we're cutting prices and that's a

We're cutting prices and that's a

(cheering)

Now.

Now folks.

Hilton's price was an all expense paid trip

to New York to appear live on our show,

but we also thought it would be great if we treated Hilton

to an advertising make-over.

That's right.

That's right.

We thought an advertising make-over with the biggest

advertising company in the United States, FCB.

This is a real sleek advertising company,

so we took them there to give them a makeover.

Here's a tape of our little visit.

Hey, I'm here at FCB.

This is the number one advertising agency

in the United States.

Number five global.

These guys did the Gatorade ad where Gatorade comes through

Michael Jordan's skin.

(loud music)

Really disgusting.

They did the amazon.com ads you've seen everywhere.

♪ Amazon dot com ♪

They did the third most popular ad in the Superbowl

[Man] Tropicana Pure Premium with calcium.

So if anybody can help Hilton the chainsaw guy,

I think it's these people right here.

I've got a meeting scheduled for right about now.

Let's go.

[Man] So we're sitting here with the

creative team for FCB and

everyone here is in black, which is I guess,

a New York advertising thing.

I won't play that game.

You two are defiantly in gray,

which I like, and you're wearing sort of an off green.

So you're clearly they're phasing you out.

What would you normally charge

someone who came in here and said,

"I want a top spot.

I want an advertising campaign."

What kind of money are we talking about?

[Man] We don't charge by the spot,

[Man] Right?

You know, millions of dollars,

several millions of dollars.

What's the cheapest ad that you've ever done.

And how could I achieve that level of cheapness?

Last year,

we did the Yogi Berra Museum for nothing.

The Yogi Berra Museum has an ad.

(laughing)

The way advertising is portrayed in

Bewitched, is that fairly accurate.

Is there usually a client you have to have dinner with?

And at the last minute, your wife

who's a witch performs magic.

Darren gets upset and says,

"I'm sorry, this will never happen again."

The client says, "Are you kidding?

It's the best evening I ever have.

And I love it as a design concept."

And then mr.Tate apologizes and says,

"I had that idea all along.

Is that fairly accurate?

(laughing)

Why don't I show you now

some of Hilton's spots, his best spots that run in

Houston where our show airs at a shocking

02:40 in the morning.

Let's take a look.

(TV playing)

(laughing)

[Man] What messages did you get

when you watched that commercial?

Very little.

[Man] Do you know what, what exit he's in the

I did see that.

The chainsaw was not actually on.

I noticed .

The sound effect of the chainsaw was headed afterwards.

Are you kidding?

You guys are, you know, until that chainsaw

wasn't really on.

They put a special effect in there.

That's the kind of cynicism.

And I don't mean this in a harsh way,

but that's the kind of cynicism that I think is destroying

the country.

(laughing)

And that's why I think John McCain should be our next

president.

All right.

Members of the cynical advertising community of New York,

I give you Hilton.

Hi there.

How are you?

So help me ready get to work.

I'm ready to go.

All right, here we go.

I want you to have a seat right over here.

Perfect.

And I don't know if you're aware of this,

this is the number one advertising agency in the

United States.

Number five global,

assumed to be number eight.

I'll tell you about later.

It was in the paper this morning.

[Man] What's the information that you have to get out

pretty much it's what's the tell us

the information you have to get out.

Of course, the name of the store,

[Man] Right?

The exit.

[Man] The exit.

And the location.

[Man] location.

And that's a fact Jack.

(shout in unison)

[Man] Why did you call it the

fact's a fact Jack?

Well, when we moved into the building,

of course we didn't have any capital to do anything.

And the F.A.C.T sign on was at the, on top of the building.

And I had to incorporate that into what we were doing.

[Man] So you had to use it a pre-existing sign,

that's where you got that's a fact Jack.

Right

Yep.

It's like Edison in his lab,

accidentally mixed two material,

two materials and got the light bulb was an accident.

Get the camera off, I feel embarrassed.

(laughing)

Would you be willing to let,

to be shot on camera.

And what I mean, shot him with a gun,

not in a violent area, but if we promoted that total,

Brian's going to shoot Hilton in the shoulder.

And my dad's a doctor.

I'd pick a place that I wouldn't hit bone.

I'd try not to hit bone.

Be honest with me.

Is this something, how bad do you want this?

I'd probably take the shot.

[Man] You take the shot?

Yeah.

Before you pass out. You give, you know,

exit basically where the store is located.

It's an event.

[Man] What is it?

It's an event.

[Man] Say it again.

It's an event.

Say it one more time but like with a different accent

(speak in foreign accent)

[Man] Right?

We don't have to the chainsaw.

I mean, that's something that we can work around also.

You don't take away Superman's cape.

(chainsaw roaring)

We're in the main presentation room at FCB

and this is pretty exciting, isn't it?

Oh, it's very exciting.

The creative team here has been working this week

on an idea

and they've got something that they want to show us.

You guys happy with what he came up with.

Yeah.

Very.

This is the best advertising company in United States.

It's number one

All right.

And globally, I think they're like number 26.

We thought that the chainsaw, you know,

and how it was emblematic for cutting prices

which is the main reason people will come to your store.

So that's what we've tried to do here is to take your

chainsaw technique and as Jen said,

elevate it to a whole new level.

All right, well what's the best thing

maybe we should take a look at the ad right now.

And Liza, do you wanna hit the button?

[Man] Michael.

Tiger.

Mia.

Hilton.

As the great ones know,

If you do your work well,

all the world will profit from it.

Hilton's Furniture.

Great furniture.

Greatly reduced prices.

And that's a fact, Jack.

Yes.

Yeah.

I'm taking yes, what are you taking?

High five brother.

Double high five.

I love that ad.

That's it.

You're up there with who's the basketball player?