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  • REG, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT WAS TODAY?

  • IT WASN'T JUST ANY DAY DA, DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT WAS TODAY?

  • >> NATIONAL VOTER REGISTRATION DAY?

  • >> James: WELL, THAT IS TRUE, AND THAT MAY--

  • (LAUGHTER) YES, WE SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH

  • THAT.

  • BECAUSE THAT'S MADE THIS LOOK-- LIKE A SIMPLE PIECE OF

  • WHIM SEE AT THE TOP-- WHIMSY AT THE TOP OF THE SHOW.

  • I CAN TELL YOU, AS WELL AS THAT.

  • >> Reggie: OKAY.

  • >> James: IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF FALL.

  • YES.

  • YES.

  • IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF FALL.

  • LIKE THAT MATTERS WHATSOEVER ANY MORE.

  • (LAUGHTER) YOU CAN TELL IT'S FALL HERE IN

  • LOS ANGELES.

  • ALL THE SMOKE FROM THE WILDFIRES IS REALLY STARTING TO SMELL LIKE

  • PUMPKIN SPICE.

  • I QUITE LIKE AUTUMN IN L.A.

  • BECAUSE YOU FEEL SMUG WITH IT.

  • LIKE IF I, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, THAT IS REALLY MY FAVORITE

  • FEELING, IS SMILE, FACETIME, I WILL FACETIME MY SISTERS AND

  • THEY WILL BE LIKE GETTING COLD HERE.

  • AND I WILL BE LIKE IS IT?

  • I'M IN A T-SHIRT.

  • WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT OUGHT IMIN L.A.

  • >> Reggie: IT IS THE SAME THING T IS MY FAVORITE THING

  • ABOUT AUTUMN, NO MATTER WHERE I AM.

  • >> James: GO ON.

  • >> CANDY CORN, BABY.

  • >> James: I CAN'T GET ON BOARD WITH IT.

  • I CAN'T GET ON BOARD WITH IT.

  • I CANNOT GET ON BOARD WITH CANDY CORN.

  • >> IT IS A POLARIZING TREAT BUT I STAND FIRMLY ON THE SIDE OF

  • OOH DELICIOUS.

  • >> James: BUT I FEEL LIKE, LOOK, LISTEN, IF THERE IS

  • NOTHING ELSE THERE, I WILL HAVE A CANDY CORN.

  • BUT OFTEN THERE ARE OTHER THINGS AVAILABLE.

  • THAT'S MY ISSUE WITH THE CANDY CORN.

  • WHY WOULD I CHOOSE IT OVER OTHER CANDY?

  • >> I WILL ESCHEW OTHER CANDY FOR CANDY CORN 100 PERCENT OF THE

  • TIME IN THE AUTUMN, AND ONLY IN THE AUTUMN.

  • >> James: I FEEL LIKE SOME DAYS I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU

  • ARE.

  • (LAUGHTER) WELL, IT IS OFFICIALLY FALL,

  • WHICH MEANS THE ELECTION IS COMING UP FAST.

  • AND PRESIDENT TRUMP IS HITTING THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL HARD.

  • LAST NIGHT HE HELD NOT ONE BUT TWO RALLIES IN OHIO.

  • AT HIS FIRST RALLY LAST NIGHT PRESIDENT TRUMP STARTED RAMBLING

  • ABOUT MISSILES.

  • >> BUT YOU DON'T SEE THEM EITHER.

  • THEY GO THROUGH HERE, OF COURSE, WHAT HAPPENED.

  • WHAT WAS THAT.

  • IT'S GONE.

  • IT'S HERE, THERE ST, I HEAR A NOISE OVER THERE, WHERE IS IT,

  • IT'S GONE, IT'S OVER THERE.

  • BUT HYDRO SONIC, I CALL IT SUPER DEUPER, SUPER DEUPER IS EASIER

  • FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT HYDRO SONIC.

  • >> James: SUPER DEUPER.

  • HE CALLS MISSILES SUPER DEUPER.

  • EVEN WORSE, HE LATER REFERRED TO TANKS AS ROLY-POLYS.

  • (LAUGHTER) I LOVE THAT TRUMP HAS NO IDEA

  • WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT, BUT HE STILL DUMBS IT DOWN FOR HIS

  • AUDIENCE.

  • ALSO IN THAT CLIP HE WAS CALLING THE MISSILES HYDROSONNIC, WHICH

  • IS NOT A THING.

  • THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE CALLED.

  • THEY ARE ACTUALLY CALLED HYPE-- HYPERSONIC MISSILES.

  • NOWK LOO, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES MADE A TEENY TINY

  • MISTAKE INVOLVING NUCLEAR MISSILES.

  • IT IS NOTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT.

  • TRUMP CALLED THE MISSILES HYDROSONNIC.

  • THEN HE ADDED INCREDIBLE HEDGEHOG, THAT SONIC.

  • VERY FAST, TERRIFIC TEETH.

  • I DIDN'T CARE FOR THE MOVIE BUT I LOVE THE GAME.

  • TRUMP ALSO TOOK SOME TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS AND

  • HE HAD THIS TO SAY WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY MIND BOGGLING.

  • HAVE A LISTEN.

  • >> NOW WE KNOW IT, IT AFFECTS ELDERLY PEOPLE, ELDERLY PEOPLE

  • WITH HEART PROBLEMS AND OTHER PROBLEMS, IF THEY HAVE OTHER

  • PROBLEMS THAT IS WHAT IT REALLY AFFECTS, THAT'S IT.

  • YOU KNOW, IN SOME STATES THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, NOBODY

  • BELOW THE AGE OF 18, LIKE NOBODY, THEY HAVE A STRONG

  • IMMUNE SYSTEM, WHO KNOWS.

  • YOU TAKE YOUR HAT OFF TO THE YOUNG BECAUSE THEY HAVE A HELL

  • OF AN IMMUNE SYSTEM.

  • BUT IT AFFECTS VIRTUALLY NOBODY.

  • >> James: NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY TRUMP HAD TO HOLD TWO RALLIES

  • INSTEAD OF ONE.

  • BETWEEN THIS AND THE MISSILES, HE HAD A LOT OF MISINFORMATION

  • TO SPREAD.

  • TRUMP SAID IT ONLY AFFECTS ELDERLY PEOPLE.

  • YOU ARE 74.

  • YOU ARE ELDERLY.

  • YOUR DIET IS KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.

  • ELDERLY PEOPLE WITH HEART PROBLEMS IS YOU.

  • HOW ARE YOU NOT WORRIED ABOUT THIS?

  • ALSO HE IS SALUTING YOUNG PEOPLE FOR THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM.

  • HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT.

  • NEXT HE WILL BE LIKE HATS OFF TO BABIES, THEY HAVE THOSE BENDY

  • LEGS, THEY CAN PUT THE FEET STRAIGHT INTO THE MOUTH.

  • HELL OF A SIGHT.

  • YOU SEE THEM WITH THE FOOD, THEY SWAT IT AWAY.

  • BUT APPARENTLY TRUMP'S RALLY ATTENDEES AREN'T WORRIED ABOUT

  • THE VIRUS EITHER.

  • HERE IS OHIO'S LT. GOVERNOR SHOWING OFF SOME TRUMP CAMPAIGN

  • MASKS LAST NIGHT.

  • AND WELL, IT DIDN'T SEEM TO GO OVER AS PLANNED. HAVE A LISTEN.

  • >> BUT IF YOU GO INTO A GROCERY STORE WHERE YOU GOT TO WEAR ONE,

  • ALL RIGHT, HANG ON, HANG ON, JUST LISTEN UP, LISTEN UP.

  • ALL RIGHT, I GET IT.

  • BUT IF SOMETHING TELLS YOU TO TAKE IT OFF, YOU CAN AT LEAST

  • SAY THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAVE THE COUNTRY BY WEARING ONE OF

  • PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP'S MASKS, ALL RIGHT?

  • >> THIS IS TRUE.

  • AT ONE POINT SOMEONE IN THE CROWD EVEN YELLED GET OFF THE

  • STAGE, TO WHICH THE LT. GOVERNOR SAID I'M WRAPPING IT UP RIGHT

  • NOW, MR. PRESIDENT.

  • I MUST SAY THAT IS EXACTLY HOW EVERYBODY SHOULD RESPOND WHEN

  • THEY ARE BOOED OFF STAGE.

  • ALL RIGHT, I GET IT.

  • I GET IT.

  • AND YOU ARE A STANDUP COMEDIAN, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BOOED OFF

  • STAGE.

  • HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY TOUGH HECKLES.

  • >> I'VE NEVER BEEN BOOED, I'M A HONEY DRIFT DRIPPER, BUT HAVE I

  • HAD SOME NICE HECKLES.

  • >> James: ARE YOU A WHAT.

  • >> A HONEY DRIPPER.

  • BUT HAVE I HAD SOME HECKLES.

  • >> James: WHAT IS THE WORST.

  • >> NEVER ANYONE BEING MEAN.

  • JUST THE GUY WHO AGREES WITH YOU TOO LOUD, YOU KNOW, THAT YOU

  • WILL TELL A JOKE AND OH, YEAH, EVERY TIME.

  • YOU WILL BE LIKE DID YOU EVER DO THIS, EVERY-- BECAUSE YOU CAN'T

  • BE MEAN TO THAT GUY, YOU CAN'T BE LIKE SHUT UP BECAUSE HE'S

  • JUST ENJOYING THE SHOW WRONG.

  • >> James: WHAT ABOUT YOU, REG, HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY WEIRD

  • ENCOUNTERS WHEN YOU ARE ON STAGE?

  • >> I THINK THE FIRST YEAR I DID THE EDINBORO FESTIVAL, IT WAS MY

  • FIRST YEAR AND THERE WERE SOME SCOTTISH PEOPLE THAT HAPPENED TO

  • BE IN THE AUDIENCE.

  • AND AT ONE POINT A GUY GETS HECKLED, GO BACK IN YOUR HOLE.

  • (LAUGHTER) AND I RESPONDED I SAID I'M SO

  • SORRY, GUYS, THIS GUY IS A FELLOW TIME TRAVELER.

  • I'M A TIME TRAVELER AS WELL.

  • AND IT IS A WAY OF WISHING ANOTHER TIME TRAVELER GOOD LUCK

  • BECAUSE YOU WANT TO RETURN BACK TO YOUR OWN ORIGINAL TIME LINE.

  • AND THEN HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING AGAIN.

  • >> James: I IMAGINE THE REST OF THE SHOW HE WAS LIKE-- .

  • >> WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT TIME TRAVELINGK I SAID GET BACK IN

  • THE HOLE.

  • >> I ONCE HAD A SCOTTISH GUY SHOUT AT ME.

  • SO I WASN'T EVEN ON THE STAGE LOOKING FOR HECKLES.

  • >> I WAS WALKING DOWN THE ROAD AND HE WENT GET THE [BLEEP] YOU

  • FAT-- BUT THEN HE GOT STUCK IN THE LIGHT.

  • >> Reggie: OH NO.

  • >> James: SO I JUST WAND ERRED PAST THE CAR AND HE WAS DOING

  • THAT THING THAT WE ALL DO GOING,-- NO ONE IS THERE.

  • DOESN'T MATTER.

  • BOOING ASIDE, WE HAVE GONE FRACTIONALLY OFF TOPIC.

  • I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I DO LOVE THE LOOK OF A PLAYED SHIRT WITH

  • A BLAZER.

  • >> Reggie: OH MAN.

  • >> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, THAT WAY WHEN YOU SHOW UP,

  • THE COWS KNOW YOU MEAN BUSINESS.

  • TRUMP ALSO TOOK TIME LAST NIGHT NOT TO TALK ABOUT HIS POLICY BUT

  • TO BOAST ABOUT THE NUMBER OF TELEVISIONS ON AIR FORCE ONE.

  • >> I JUST CAME INTO THAT BIG, BEAUTIFUL-- IT'S GOT MORE

  • TELEVISION THAN ANY PLANE IN HISTORY.

  • THEY HAVE CONVERSATIONS IN CLOSETS, IN BATHROOMS, ON THE

  • FLOOR, ON THE CEILING.

  • >> James: ARE WE SURE HE IS NOT CONFUSING WINDOWS FOR

  • TELEVISIONS?

  • HE JUST SAID HE IS IN THERE GOING LOOK AT ALL THESE TV

  • SCREENS.

  • LOOK, THEY'RE ALL PLAYING A BEAUTIFUL VIDEO OF CLOUDS GOING

  • BY.

  • THERE ARE TVS EVERYWHERE, UP HERE, EVEN THE PILOTS, THEY HAVE

  • TWO MEUJ 4K TV.

  • WHAT ARE THEY WATCHING, RIGHT UP FRONT, BIG TV.

  • >> HE SAID HE HAS MORE TV'S THAN ANY OTHER PLANE IN HISTORY WHICH

  • I DON'T THINK IS TRUE.

  • BECAUSE MOST AIRPLANES HAVE TV'S IN EVERY SINGLE SEAT.

  • IF YOU HAVE A DELTA FLIGHT THERE ARE LIKE HUNDREDS OF TV'S.

  • DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS STORY, ELON MUSK HAS UNVEILED A NEW

  • FACTORY THAT WILL LAST-- BATTERY THAT WILL LAST FOR UP TO ONE

  • MILLION MILES IN TESLA ELECTRIC CARS.

  • BUT HOW MANY TELEVISIONS.

  • I FEEL LIKE EVERY TIME ELON MUSK MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT IT IS JUST

  • ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO SHOW EVERYONE HE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THAT HE

  • IS COOL NOW.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I'M COOLK RIGHT, I'M COOL, I'M COOL.

  • PERFECT TIMING THOUGH, A CAR WITH A MILLION MILE BATTERY LIFE

  • AT A TIME WHEN WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE WE CAN GO.

  • AND THIS IS FUN.

  • A TEN YEAR OLD FROM WISCONSIN IS ABOUT TO REACH HIS GOAL OF DOING

  • 100,000 PUSH-UPS IN A SINGLE YEAR.

  • 100,000 IN A YEAR.

  • LISTEN KID, IF YOU ARE TRYING TO BE THE SCHOOL HEARTTHROB, TAKE

  • IT FROM ME, LEARN A DANCE ROUTINE AND JOIRN THE DRAMA

  • CLUB.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 100,000 PUSH-UPS IN A YEAR.

  • THE HOUSE OF THORNS, THAT IS MY QUESTION, YOU KNOW.

  • MY TRAINER SAYS FIVE QUALITY PUSH-UPS, ARE BETTER THAN 10,000

  • SLOPPEE ONES, DO YOU KNOW?

  • I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF BUY THE TIME, WHEN I'M ON MY DEATH BED I

  • DON'T EVEN THINK I WILL HAVE DONE A THOUSAND PUSH-UPS.

  • GUILLERMO, ARE YOU SHARP ON THE PUSH-UP FRONT?

  • >> I THOUGHT I COULD DO TEN NO PROBLEM.

  • >> James: OKAY, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE EXCITING THAN

  • THAT.

  • REG?

  • ARE PUSH-UPS PART OF YOUR WORKOUT PROGRAM.

  • >> >> Reggie, YEAH, WE DO WEIRD

  • STUFF BUT CAN I DO LIKE PO.

  • >> James: HOW MANY PUSH-UPS DO YOU THINK WILL YOU DO IN YOUR

  • LIFETIME.

  • >> I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE EVER DONE ANYTHING THAT A DOCTOR

  • WOULD CALL A PUSHUP.

  • I MIGHT BE AROUND 50 OR 60 LIKE, YOU KNOW, THOSE ONES WHERE YOU

  • GO OH, THERE WE GO.

  • WHERE IT IS JUST BARELY AN ARM BEND.

  • >> James: THE WORST ONE IS IF YOU ARE IN THE GYM AND OTHER

  • PEOPLE ARE DOING THEM AND YOU HAVE GOT TO DO THAT SORT OF HALF

  • PUSH-UP ON YOUR KNEES.

  • YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN, RIGHT.

  • WHERE YOU ARE LIKE-- YOU KNOW, AND YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY DUDES

  • LIKE HIGH FIVE AND YOU ARE-- ARE YOU SORT OF LIKE THIS.

  • YOU HAVE TO DO THAT ONE.

  • WHICH IS NOT A PUSH-UP.

  • IT IS NOT A PUSH-UP.

  • YOU KNOW IT'S NOT A PUSH-UP.

  • THEY KNOW IT'S NOT A PUSH-UP AND YOU KNOW THIS IS THE LAST TIME

  • YOU WILL EVER GO TO THE GYM.

  • BUT YOU WILL PAY THE MEMBERSHIP FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS.

  • FINALLY WE HAVE TO SHOW YOU THIS.

  • IN RUSSIA, THEY RECENTLY HELD A TEACHER OF THE YEAR CEREMONY AND

  • THE WINNERS RECEIVED AN AWARD.

  • THAT LOOKED A LITTLE AWKWARD.

  • SEE FOR YOURSELF I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.

  • THAT IS THE CRYSTAL PELICAN.

  • AND YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

  • WHAT SUBJECT WERE THESE TEACHERS TEACHING?

  • NOW IT GETS EVEN WORSE.

  • AT ONE POINT, ALL OF THE TEACHERS HAD TO WALK ON STAGE

  • AND TOUCH THE PELICAN, MAKING THE WHOLE THING EVEN MORE WEIRD.

  • JRS IF I WAS WATCHING THIS VIDEO AND MY WIFE SUDDENLY WALKED IN,

  • I WOULD SLAM THE LAPTOP SHUT.

  • THE TROPHY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PELICAN BUT BY THE TIME EVERYONE

  • WAS DONE TOUCHING IT IT WAS THE SIZE OF A OSTRICH.

  • OH DEAR.

REG, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.